


all my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you

by queen_ofdisaster



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 64,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5567398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_ofdisaster/pseuds/queen_ofdisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter used to think him and Balthazar were an inevitability. That was, until they went from best friends to almost lovers to strangers. Balthazar left the country to become the rockstar Peter always believed he could be, but he left Peter behind in the process. Peter was just starting to accept that he needed to move on, when Balthazar came home for Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you

**Author's Note:**

> this was loosely based off of this prompt on tumblr - "we used to date before you left to become famous. now your famous and dating all these models, but it’s Christmas time and you’ve come home to be with your family. Wait, what are you doing at my doorstep at midnight?? Come inside before you catch a cold.” 
> 
> title from lana del rey's 'without you'
> 
> here's a playlist i made while writing it! http://8tracks.com/queen_ofdisaster/my-god-this-reminds-me-of-when-we-were-young

**12th of December**

 

Peter woke up, not to the sound of his alarm which had been set for noon, but to the sound of his brother banging on his bedroom door. His room was still pitch black, not even a hint of light coming through his closed curtains.

 

"Fuck off, John!" he shouted before nuzzling into his pillow again. John probably just wanted to borrow a phone charger or something, and no way was Peter getting up for that. "Go to bed!"

 

"It's six in the morning," John replied, his voice a lot calmer than his loud knocking would suggest it'd be.

 

Oh, yeah. John still had school. Waking up early for class wasn't something Peter had worried about in awhile - even before leaving uni, his morning classes weren't exactly a top priority for him. John was usually quiet in the mornings, never waking Peter up, so he hadn't even thought of that.

 

He still didn't care.

 

"Cool, so I'm gonna go back to bed," Peter said. "Night."

 

John didn't leave. He opened Peter's bedroom door, letting a little light from the hallway stream in and hit Peter directly in the face. He whined and buried his face in the pillow.

 

Once upon a time, Peter and John didn't have the best relationship. As they both grew up, they had become a lot closer. But if John didn't shut the door and leave him alone in five seconds, Peter had a feeling they'd be right back at the start.

 

"Peter -" John started, but Peter groaned loudly over his brother's voice.

 

"Go have a great fucking day at school, John," Peter snapped. "Have fun. Make good choices - and start now, by leaving. Because if you don't, I will murder you when I wake up."

 

John huffed, annoyed. "Fine, but I just thought I'd let you know that your boyfriend's on the TV right now. Have a nice sleep."

 

Peter heard his door click shut, and his room was back in darkness. He was awake though.

 

When he opened his bedroom door, John was still standing there. Peter glared at his smug expression, then pushed past him to get to the living room. Sure enough, when he got there, Balthazar Jones and his guitar were on the television screen. The crowd was screaming as the morning show presenters introduced him and it was hard to even hear his guitar at first as he began to play.

 

_You're the only fish in the sea,_

_For me, for me_

_I thought that you were fishing for me,_

_Maybe, maybe_

 

That was a voice that Peter was all too familiar with. He'd admit, he was familiar with the lyrics, too. Though if John or Ben were to ask, he'd deny even listening to Balthazar's albums when the truth was he'd downloaded every song he'd ever released. Hell, he had unreleased ones, too. The ones they recorded together on Peter's phone back when they were fifteen, before Peter's best friend Balthy became worldwide musical sensation Balthazar Jones.

 

"I wonder if this song's about you," John whispered. Peter looked away from the TV, but only for a moment, to shoot another glare his brother's way. John just smirked back at him.

 

"It's not," Peter answered, returning his gaze to the screen. "Definitely not about me…"

 

He tried not to sound as disappointed as he felt, but he was half asleep still and not quite capable of hiding his emotions just yet. Too early.

 

_You're the one that got away,_

_And you got bigger everyday_

_I kept stretching out my arms,_

_But you were always way beyond_

_My reach_

 

Of course Peter wished the song was about him. He had listened to all of Balthazar's songs over and over, trying to listen for any obvious lyrics that pointed at him. The songs were all too vague for Peter to analyze though. They could be about him - or they could be about anyone else Balth had met in their three years apart. It was probably the latter. He wished Fish In The Sea was about him, but it wasn't. It was probably about Fred Boyet, or Kit Harper, or some other young, hot superstar he'd been linked to over the years.

 

While John and Peter's friends liked to tease Peter, suggesting that some songs might be about Peter, he knew better. There had been times during their friendship where Peter thought that maybe something would happen between them, but it never did. Had he had a crush on Balthazar? Sure. He'd only admitted that to John - and it was only because John refused to accept it when Peter denied it. He just gave up and stopped denying it at one point.

 

He probably could have been in love with Balthazar, too. Maybe he had been already - but it didn't matter anymore. Balthazar had left, and it had been over two years since they'd spoken last. Any leftover feelings Peter might have had for Balthazar were pointless, and would surely fade away soon enough.

 

He hoped so anyway.

 

"He's back in New Zealand," John pointed out.

 

"He's on a New Zealand morning show so yeah, I caught on to that," Peter snarked back.

 

He didn't know why he was being so short with John. It didn't have anything to do with him really, it was more so Peter's lack of sleep and the stomachache he'd gotten after seeing Balthazar on the screen.

 

John seemed to realize that, so he didn't take it personally or snap back at Peter. "This is Wellington," he informed him, nodding to the TV. "That's not very far. He coming home?"

 

"Why should I know his schedule?" Peter asked, defensive. "I'm not his personal assistant. I don't keep track of him."

 

The thing was, Peter _did_ follow Balthazar on social media and he _did_ typically know where he was. Not in a creepy, stalker kind of way. But Balthazar's Twitter was updated frequently and it was always obvious where he was. Usually, he was in Los Angeles. He'd spent a lot of time in London lately, too.

 

He didn't, however, know if Balthazar had any plans on returning home. Christmas was coming up, so it would make sense for him to come see his family. But two Christmases had already come and gone, and Balthazar had only been home for one of them. It was the first Christmas since he left, but at that point, it had been six months since they had spoken. So when he came home, Peter hadn't heard from him then.

 

He tried to reason with himself, saying that it was because Balthazar was only there for a few days and wanted to spend it with his family. Apparently, he hadn't gotten in contact with Ben or many of their old friends either. Ursula said she saw him for a few minutes, but he was with his family and boyfriend and they didn't have much quality time.

 

Yeah - _boyfriend_. Balthazar had been linked to many guys in his short time in the spotlight, but the only confirmed one that Peter knew of was socialite Fred Boyet. His parents owned some vegan coffee chain and they were stupid rich.

 

The next year, there were rumors Balthazar spent Christmas in Wellington with Fred. Peter didn't know how true that was, but it probably was. Assuming Balth's songs were about Fred, he seemed head over heels in love with him. And of course Fred would be just as into Balthazar. Who wouldn't be? So them breaking up made no sense, despite how many rumors there were surrounding the end of them.

 

There were a lot of rumors, but that's all they were. Rumors. They'd kept the relationship relatively private. Which on one hand, Peter was glad for. If he had to see cute tweets or couple selfies on Instagram of them, he would have exploded. But it also made it hard for him to know for sure if Balthazar was single or not. Again - not that it mattered.

 

Balthazar had clearly moved past whatever unspoken romantic tension they'd once had - it was time Peter did the same.

 

"Sorry," John said, not sounding sorry at all. "I know Balthazar is a sensitive subject."

 

"He's not," Peter snapped, trying to deny it while simultaneously proving John right. "I don't care about him anymore. I don't know why you even made me come watch him."

 

Peter wanted to finish watching Balthazar, but he also wanted to storm out of there. He chose the latter.

 

"You willingly left your room, Peter," John shouted after him as he left. "I didn't make you watch anything!"

 

Peter was tempted to go back and shout back at him, but he didn't have a good argument for that. He just slammed his bedroom door behind him and crawled back into bed, hoping to go back to sleep.

 

_How I wish I'd caught you too,_

_Just you, just you_

_Now we might be out in the blue,_

_Us two, just two_

 

* * *

 

 

**14th of December**

 

If Peter had stayed in uni instead of dropping out after one month, he would finally be finishing exams and heading home to spend a month with his family. But he had dropped out, so the end of term wasn't that exciting of an event for him. He was happy though, because it meant he'd be reunited with more of his friends. Even the friends who hadn't left for uni had been busy with exams lately, and he hadn't seen much of them.

 

Claudio was finally free to hang out. Claudio had been one of Peter's best friends for years, but Peter had hardly seen him in the past year. Something Peter had learned after leaving Messina High - sometimes, school mates were just that. School mates. People grew apart when they weren't spending everyday at school together. That was truthfully something he'd learned the hard way years before, but he was just now starting to accept it.

 

Claudio was still one of his closest friends though, no matter what. They spent a few hours together that morning, getting breakfast and then kicking a ball around like old times, but then he had plans with Hero and had to bail. Which was fine, because Peter had something to do that afternoon, too.

 

One thing he had been looking forward to about the end of term and the holiday season, was Benedick coming home.

 

It was weird, because while Peter had always considered Ben, Claudio and Balthazar all three to be his closest friends in school, he never thought that once he was done with Messina, that _Ben_ would be the person he found himself calling 'best friend'.

 

He'd always thought Balthazar would keep that title, but then he left. Then he assumed it'd be Claudio, but then when uni started, Peter moved to Wellington with Ben. Despite only living together there for a month, that was probably where they became as close as they did. While Claudio was always too busy to talk or see Peter, Ben wasn't, even if he was seven hours away.

 

Beatrice had originally been meant to pick her boyfriend up from the train station, but Meg had needed her for something or another, Peter didn't know the details. He just knew what Ben had told him. So, he'd volunteered to go and get his friend.

 

"Peter Donaldson!"

 

Peter heard Ben before he saw him. He grinned when he saw his friend approaching him, and he reached out to take one of his three bags he was struggling to carry.

 

"The artist formerly known as Pedro," Ben continued. "My brother from another mother!"

 

Peter chuckled, accepting the one-armed hug Ben moved in for. "Welcome home, Ben."

 

They piled Ben's bags into the back of Peter's car, and then climbed into the front seats where Ben immediately began messing with the radio. They'd already made plans for the day. Since most of Ben's time at home would be spent with Beatrice, this was one of the only days he had to go and buy her Christmas gifts. Since Peter had been procrastinating going Christmas shopping himself, they made plans to go into town and shop.

 

"You should really be thankful that I'm even here right now," Ben said as they drove.

 

"Why would I be thankful?" Peter asked. "You were here after last term. I just saw you."

 

Ben scoffed, offended. "I almost died, Peter."

 

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Oh no," he deadpanned. "What was your cause of almost death?"

 

"Exams."

 

Peter laughed.

 

"They shouldn't be allowed to do testing during the month of December," Ben rambled on. "It's the holiday season! Where is their festive spirit? Exams are cruel and painful, and like I said, almost killed me. I almost didn't to make it to Christmas. That would have ruined the holiday for everyone."

 

"They're giving you the gift of an education," Peter replied.

 

Ben glared at him. "Okay, easy for you to say when you're not taking exams anymore."

 

Great, now they were going to talk about Peter's education. Ben was a good friend, usually, but he did like to stick his nose where it didn't belong. Ever since Peter left, Ben hadn't let him forget that he had promised to come back eventually. He was determined to get his friend back in school.

 

It was nice that he cared, but it was mostly just annoying.

 

"You apply for next term yet?" Ben asked.

 

"No, Benedick."

 

"No need to be short with me because you failed to do the one thing you promised you would do."

 

"Ben," Peter threatened. "Shut up."

 

Ben didn't shut up. "You said you were taking a year. The year's up."

 

"Technically, it hasn't been a full year," Peter reasoned. "I left in February so-"

 

"Oh, don't get all technical on me. You know you should be trying to get back. We have your room at the flat empty and ready for you to come back."

 

Okay, Peter would admit, he did miss the flat. University hadn't been for him, but he had really enjoyed living away from home. Freddie, their third roommate, had been a little controlling at times, and they had their battles sometimes. But Peter liked her, and they still kept in contact. They got along a lot better now that they weren't living together.

 

"I'll come back to the flat but that doesn't mean I'm coming back to school," Peter said.

 

"So you don't plan on going back at all?" Ben asked. "But you said -"

 

"I know what I said," Peter interjected. "You don't have to remind me. I don't know if I'm going back or not."

 

Ben was quiet for a moment, and Peter could feel his eyes on him, but he kept looking ahead at the road.

 

"Pedro Donaldson, university dropout," Ben sighed. "Who'd have thought?"

 

"God, you're so fucking judgmental," Peter spat. "And stop calling me fucking Pedro. It's been a year, have you not adjusted yet?"

 

Ben put on a deeper voice, mocking Peter's words from before. "Technically, it hasn't been a full year. You changed it in February."

 

"Oh, shut up or I'm dropping you off on the side of the road and making you walk home."

 

"We're literally five minutes from my house now, that would not even be that bad," Ben said, looking out the window.

 

Peter didn't respond, just kept driving. They were still ten minutes away from the shop they wanted to go to, and he was more than happy to drive in silence. And they did, for a few minutes at least, until Ben spoke up. His voice was much softer now though.

 

"I'm not trying to be judgmental," he said. "For one thing, it just sucks not having you in Wellington anymore. And you know… it's surprising. I mean, I thought if any of us in the flat dropped out, it'd be me. _Maybe_ Freddie, if she had a breakdown from all the stress or something. Definitely not you. You liked uni."

 

Peter had liked aspects of university, specifically the social aspects of it. Not necessarily the school part. "It wasn't for me."

 

Ben shrugged. "I just didn't expect you to leave, is all. I expected a lot more from you - sorry to sound like a mum."

 

Ben wasn't the only one. Everyone seemed to expect a lot from Peter. It had always been that way. He was never allowed to screw up, not even in the slightest way or else people reacted like the world was ending.

 

He was Peter "Pedro" Donaldson. He was a football player. He was a student leader. He was the cool guy, the nice guy, the fun guy. Just an all around great guy - that's how he was known. His friends called him that, his family called him that. People he barely even knew referred to him as that. Sometimes he believed it, but most of the time it just felt like he was trying to live up to this title he wasn't even sure he deserved.

 

His parents expected him to go on to be some great success. A lawyer. Maybe a politician, or even a pro footballer. They never even saw a future where their son was anything less than an important person to the world.

 

Peter had tried so, so hard to find something to do with himself at university. He studied law, he studied politics, he studied and studied and studied. Nothing clicked for him. When he realized that he had zero passion for anything he was learning and trying to make a future for himself with, his world was shaken.

 

As much as he hated to let everyone down, he couldn't continue doing things he didn't want to. He left university, and went home. He hadn't gotten home at first, he'd stayed at the Wellington flat for as long as he could. But once he got fired from his job there, because he simply stopped showing up, he had no way to pay rent. Home was his only option, where he had to face his friends and his family, and feel like an utter failure around them.

 

Peter had been, and still was, struggling to find himself. He knew nothing good was coming from university, so he left. It was as simple as that. And yeah, he had told Ben he'd go back eventually, but he wasn't sure if that was a promise he was going to keep.

 

"It's fine," Peter mumbled. "Can we drop it?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, I guess," Ben uttered. "Don't want to start off my grand homecoming with a fight… Hey, can we find a pet store? I want to see about getting a bird for Beatrice."

 

"A bird? A real life bird?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Okay, sure."

 

* * *

 

They spent twenty minutes in the pet store before being kicked out because Ben was making some of the birds repeat nasty things. After that, they went to a couple of real stores. Ben was having better luck at finding presents then Peter was. He had gotten a few things for Beatrice, somethings for his parents, something for Hero.

 

Peter had only gotten something for John so far, and that was because he'd texted him and asked what he wanted. One reply later, and Peter had John's gift sorted. He had no clue what to get for anyone else. He was considering just telling Ben to grab something and let Peter pay for it, because he was clueless.

 

Peter wasn't great at gifts.

 

They were looking in the men's clothing section of a store when Ben asked, "You heard from Balthazar lately?"

 

Peter froze, looking up at Ben.

 

"Why would I have heard from Balthazar?" Peter questioned. "Haven't talked to him in a long time."

 

Ben shrugged nonchalantly, not making eye contact with Peter as he continued searching the clothing rack. "Ursula spoke him to the other day."

 

"Yeah?" Peter asked, trying to sound like the topic didn't interest him much, when in fact he was resisting the urge to snap his fingers at Ben, urging him to tell him more faster. "That's good. They still friends, huh?"

 

Peter had always been friends with Ursula, but when they went their separate ways for university, they stopped speaking on a regular basis. Other than knowing she saw him at Christmas two years ago, he had no idea how close she still was to Balthazar, but apparently close enough.

 

"They talk occasionally, according to Bea," Ben informed him. "He's planning on coming home this year for Christmas, so she's going to host some kind of party to bring everyone back together."

 

"Ursula is?"

 

"Oh, no, Beatrice. I mean, Ursula will be there, too."

 

Peter nodded. Ben was still talking about the party, about how it'd probably be in a few days since no one knew how long Balth would be in town, and about how Ursula would only be in Auckland a couple days because she was going elsewhere with her family, and other information that Peter wanted to know, but couldn't for the life of him focus on.

 

Because Balthazar would be back in town. Balthazar was coming home. Balthazar would be at a party at Beatrice's house, and Peter would see him there. Shit.

 

"Will that be weird for you?" Ben asked, bringing Peter back to reality.

 

"Why would it be weird?" Peter asked.

 

Ben shrugged, looking away again. Ben knew, of course he did. He didn't know in the way John knew. Peter still denied that he'd ever liked Balthazar at all around Ben, but he knew. Everyone knew.

 

Apparently, everyone had always known that Peter and Balthazar liked each other. Peter had always been sure of his own feelings, but not Balthazar's. It sure would have been nice if someone had let him know that his crush liked him back. It might have saved him a lot of trouble.

 

"It won't be weird," Peter assured Ben, but he was also trying to assure himself. "There's nothing to be weird about, alright? Me and Balth were friends, but then… we weren't. We didn't have a falling out or anything, we just stopped talking because he was busy becoming famous as hell. Totally understandable. We'll be fine."

 

Ben gave Peter a sympathetic smile, and Peter rolled his eyes at it. Fuck Ben for not even acting like he believed anything Peter said. Ben was right though. Maybe Balth would be fine, but Peter probably wouldn't be.

 

"Don't look at me like that," Peter ordered. "I said it'll be fine, and it will be. Now, please, help me find your damn Christmas gift."

 

* * *

 

 

A hundred dollars later and most of his Christmas shopping done with, Peter was driving to Beatrice's house to drop off Ben. Once they had finished shopping, Peter had started driving towards Ben's house, but Ben looked at him like he was crazy.

 

"Where are you taking me?" he'd asked, eyes wide.

 

"Um… your house?"

 

"Beatrice," Ben had simply said. "Take me to Beatrice."

 

So Peter did just that. He turned the car around and started towards Beatrice's house. As far as Peter knew, she was still busy with Meg, but whatever. He wouldn't argue with Ben, though he did get a kick out of doing that sometimes.

 

"You two aren't going to show up to this Christmas reunion party thing in ugly matching sweaters again, are you?" Peter asked, afraid he already knew the answer.

 

"Is your tone suggesting we shouldn't?" Ben asked, defensive. Peter knew it.

 

"Bea's was alright," Peter shrugged. "Yours was awful."

 

Ben pouted. "You've always liked her more than me."

 

"Ben, yours had a butt on it last year," Peter argued. "This has nothing to do with my preference between you two. I'm just always going to think a sweater with a reindeers ass on it is the lesser sweater."

 

Ben shrugged. "Beatrice wanted the face."

 

"Obviously. The butt sweater was ugly."

 

"They were supposed to be ugly, that was the point."

 

"No, hers was cute-ugly. Yours was tacky ugly."

 

Peter had his eyes on the road, but he could feel Ben glaring at him. He smirked, smug, because he knew Ben knew he was right.

 

"We have different sweaters this year," Ben admitted his defeat in a mumble.

 

Peter laughed. "Knew it. You two are disgusting. Almost makes me sick."

 

Now it was Ben's turn to be smug. "You're just jealous because you don't have a girlfriend to wear matching sweaters with."

 

Peter took one hand off the wheel to reach over to blindly smack at Ben. He'd been aiming for his arm, but ended up whacking him right in the face. Ben whined.

 

"Or a boyfriend, I'm sorry!" Ben shrieked. "I wasn't trying to erase your sexuality. Jesus!"

 

"That's not what that was for," Peter said. He swatted at Ben again, getting his arm this time. " _That_ was for erasing my sexuality."

 

"Wait, what was the first one for?" Ben demanded, his voice still high pitched and sounding like he was in distress.

 

"For being an asshole," Peter said. "Not everyone is desperate for a relationship. I'm certainly not jealous."

 

Except he kind of was. Not for the reasons his old friends might think - it was common knowledge by now that he'd had a crush on Beatrice for a couple of years when they were younger, when they twelve or thirteen. That was long gone. He was jealous because sometimes he did want someone to be sickeningly cute with, and to wear matching Christmas sweaters with. Someone to drag under the mistletoe to make out with when Christmas parties got boring, or he just got drunk and affectionate.

 

The problem was, he didn't want just anybody. Peter had never had a hard time getting people to like him, or finding people to date or just hook up with. But there was always one person lingering in the back of his mind. No one seemed to match up to them.

 

"So you wouldn't be interested in this then…" Ben started, sitting up in his seat again after he'd sunken down when Peter started swinging. "Jaquie Manders told me to say hello to you."

 

Peter glanced over at Ben. "Jaquie from uni?" he inquired. "What did she say?"

 

"Just to say hello, and that she missed seeing you around," Ben replied. "She has asked about you quite a lot since you left."

 

"Yeah, she's texted a few times, too…" Peter said.

 

Jaquie and Peter had met on nearly his first day in Wellington. They worked together before he lost his job, and had a couple classes together. They'd been good friends, and sometimes things would get flirty, but Peter never thought it was serious.

 

Had Jaquie been into him? He'd always thought she was a good friend, and she was gorgeous, obviously. But he'd never seen her in that way.

 

"Maybe you should call her," Ben suggested. "See if she's staying in Wellington for Christmas or if she'll be around."

 

Peter already knew her family was in Wellington, so she'd be there. But still, calling her wouldn't hurt. Maybe it was time to move on from the boy who only existed in his life in his dreams now.

 

* * *

 

 

**17th of December**

 

That evening, after spending the afternoon playing video games with John (and getting his ass kicked, not that he'd ever admit defeat), Peter's phone started going off every five seconds. His parents were both working that night, so he was in the kitchen trying to make dinner - and by making dinner, he was really looking through their drawer of takeout menus and deciding on what to order.

 

His phone was on the counter, and it was nonstop buzzing. It almost vibrated right off of the counter, but Peter caught it in time.

 

Not surprising, all of the texts were from Ben.

 

_'guess who was spotted at two different airports this morning'_

 

_'guess'_

 

_'i won't make you guess it's BALTHAZAR JONES'_

 

Peter sighed. Of course Ben would spam him with texts about Balthazar.

 

_'i'm excited sorry if you're weird but BALTHAZAR'_

 

The thing was, he was nervous about seeing him, but he was just as excited as everyone was. His feelings aside, Peter just really missed his best friend. He didn't know how weird seeing him would be (he guessed very), but hopefully they'd start talking and quickly get back to how they used to be. Hopefully.

 

Ben sent him more texts, but this time, they had photo attachments. Opening them all, Peter realized they were all paparazzi and fan shots of Balthazar at Wellington International Airport and then at Auckland Airport. Pretty much the same photos, just from slightly different angles with Balthazar making slightly different faces.

 

Peter texted Ben back, ' _Thanks for blowing up my phone, appreciate it. And why are you sending me paparazzi photos of Balthazar thats weird'_

 

He'd insist he didn't care, and that it was weird to be looking at them, but Peter spent a good few minutes going through and looking at every single picture Ben had sent to him. God, Balthazar still looked good. Even better, if that was possible. He looked older, naturally, but there was something else about him Peter couldn't put his finger on. But he stared hard at him, trying to figure it out, and also just kind of admiring him.

 

It often felt like Balthazar was just Peter's celebrity crush, someone he saw on TV and became smitten with. Sometimes, it felt like maybe that was true. And their past together was just a long, vivid dream Peter had had one night and was still struggling to accept that it hadn't been real.

 

But, no. Balthazar had been all too real. The photos proved that. The videos that were still up on Peter's Youtube channel proved that. The hoodie that Peter had borrowed from Balthazar and never returned, the one that still hung up in his closet proved that. The way that sometimes, if Peter closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could still feel Balthazar laying next to him, or feel their knees brushing or their hands bumping accidentally-on-purpose as they walked home from school.

 

He hoped he could even act normal at the party. The last thing he wanted to do was act like an idiot and embarrass himself in front of Balthazar. But he had a little time to prepare for that. The party was scheduled for the next night. It was originally supposed to be the day before Christmas Eve, but like Ben had mentioned a few days ago, Ursula was going elsewhere for Christmas and would only be in Auckland for a few days. And of course, she had to be at Balth's homecoming. So, it was tomorrow.

 

Peter probably wasn't going to sleep much.

 

 _'we have already established that ur the weird one here, not me,'_ Ben texted.

 

_'actually we established that you're the weird one like, five years ago. sorry.'_

 

_'I'M TALKING ABOUT IN REGARDS TO BALTHAZAR. that was hurtful.'_

 

_'okay, its still you. you're the one looking at fan photos of him. do you follow balthazar fan accounts or what?'_

 

_'why is that weird???'_

 

Peter laughed out loud, not for a second doubting that Ben did just that. In all honesty, he didn't think it was weird. It was sweet, that even though he hadn't talked to Balthazar in awhile either, he was still so openly supportive of him.

 

"What's so funny about ordering dinner?" John asked as he walked into the kitchen. Oh, yeah, that's what he was supposed to be doing.

 

"Nothing," Peter said, putting his phone down on the counter again and returning his attention to the menus in front of him. He grabbed the first one that jumped out at him and passed it over to John so he could look. "Chinese sound alright?"

 

The two brothers ordered their dinner and sat to eat it in front of the TV. They hung out in the living room for a few hours, until John decided it was time for him to go to bed. He'd been out of school for a few days, but he was still used to waking up early and going to bed early, so he was tired already.

 

Peter didn't want to sit in the living room by himself, so he followed John down the hall and then shut himself in his bedroom. Once he was in there, he realized he didn't have his phone with him. He'd put it down in the kitchen before dinner, and must have left it there. When he went to retrieve it, he saw that he once again had a number of texts from Ben.

 

_'you stopped replying, whats wrong'_

 

_'did you get weird'_

 

_'i won't mention balth if ur actually getting weird about it'_

 

_'ur still coming to the party right???'_

 

_'ANSWER ME OR I'M GOING TO COME CLIMB THROUGH UR BEDROOM WINDOW AND SHAKE YOU'_

 

Peter shook his head. Ben sure did know how to jump to conclusions.

 

 _'don't climb through my window, you creep',_ Peter texted back as he walked back to his room. _'i was eating dinner. and i'm not being weird, fuck off with that.'_

 

_'don't tell me to fuck off or i'll climb through your window and fight u'_

 

_'no one believes that you could do that. i would end you.'_

 

Peter spent a few hours laying in bed, just messing around on his phone and texting people, mainly Ben and Beatrice. Eventually, he ended up in the group chat he had with them, Claudio, Hero, Ursula and Meg. Balthazar had once been a part of that chat, but then he'd gotten a new phone number when he got to Los Angeles and that was the end of that.

 

Everyone was sorting out plans for the party, figuring out rides and who should bring what. Peter volunteered to bring alcohol. He wasn't planning on driving at all. Beatrice lived fairly close, and he knew that he'd be too drunk to drive home afterwards, so walking was the best option.

 

Party planning turned to conversations about school and jobs, neither of which Peter had, so he stopped being as active, just watched the conversation. Slowly, sleep started to take over and he felt himself dozing off.

 

 _'goodnight guys, i'll see you all tomorrow night',_ he sent.

 

Everyone sent their goodnights, except for Ben, who texted, _'IT'S ONLY 1, DON'T GO TO BED RIGHT NOW'_

 

 _'night',_ Peter said again, ignoring Ben.

 

_'BRB GUYS, GOING TO CLIMB IN PETER'S WINDOW AND WAKE HIM UP. I'M NOT KIDDING. LEAVING NOW.'_

 

Peter tossed his phone aside and turned off his bedroom light.

 

* * *

 

 

**18th of December**

 

Peter was awoken a few hours later to a light tapping at his window. So light that at first, he thought he was just imagining it, and he rolled over onto his other side so he could go back to sleep. Then he heard it again, a little louder this time. Peter's heart started racing.

 

Peter's initial reaction was _'oh shit there's someone at my window, it's probably a thief or a serial killer and I'm about to die'_. He debated even opening his eyes to look outside, maybe he could just subtly grab his phone and call 911.

 

He was about to reach for his phone when he remembered - Ben.

 

"Ben, you fuck," Peter said aloud, slowly sitting up. "I thought you were joking."

 

He rubbed his tired eyes as he rose to his knees, crawling across his bed to his window. He didn't bother getting a good look out of it before starting to open it, just safely assuming it was Ben.

 

"You're such a dick if you actually came to my window to wake me up and scare me at four in the fucking mor -" He stopped short when he opened his window all the way and saw who was there.

 

It wasn't Ben - but it wasn't a serial killer either.

 

It was Balthazar.

 

He was dreaming, right? He'd fallen asleep just after seeing those pictures of him a few hours before, so it would make sense for Balthazar to appear in his dreams that night. That had to be it, because no way would Balthazar be at his window in the middle of the night. That was the kind of stuff Peter actually did dream about. That had to be the case.

 

He rubbed his eyes again, making sure he wasn't seeing things or just hallucinating and mistaking Ben for Balthazar. He blinked rapidly, staring with wide eyes at Balthazar.

 

Holy shit. Balthazar was there.

 

"Whoa," Peter whispered to himself.

 

Balthazar laughed, and it was the first time Peter had heard that sound in years. Fuck, he could already feel that his stomach was in knots. It was an all too familiar feeling that only Balthazar could bring on.

 

"Sorry if I scared you," Balthazar said. "Are you alright?"

 

Peter knew he was probably staring at Balthazar like a crazy person, with wide, disbelieving eyes. His question was fair.

 

"I'm… yeah," Peter said, though he wasn't sure he was. "Holy shit, Balthazar."

 

"Holy shit, Peter," Balthazar repeated him, grinning. "I've missed you."

 

"I've missed you, too."

 

He felt a lump in his throat, like he could burst into tears at any second. Being face to face with Balthazar was way more overwhelming than he had ever anticipated. He could barely even breathe.

 

"You, uh… come in?" Peter asked, and then mentally kicked himself. He couldn't even speak in full sentences.

 

Balthazar nodded though, so he knew what he was trying to say. Peter made sure the window was open as far as it could be, and then moved out of the way so Balthazar wouldn't fall on him as he climbed inside.

 

He grabbed Balthazar's arm as he came through, helping keep him steady. Slowly, he sat down at the end of Peter's bed, and Peter sat across from him. He knew he probably looked as in awe as he felt, but he just couldn't stop staring at him. He was still in disbelief.

 

"You just climbed through my window," he stated. "Um, why? Why were you at my window?"

 

"I already told you… I missed you."

 

God, Peter was seriously going to cry. He wasn't mentally prepared for this at all.

 

There were a million things he wanted to say, some not so nice. Like, if Balthazar missed him so much, why did he never call him? His number hadn't changed. Balthazar still had him as a Facebook friend, and he still followed him on Twitter from all those years ago when Peter had helped him set the account up in the first place.

 

But all Peter could say was, "I missed you, too… Sorry I called you a dick."

 

Balthazar shrugged, unbothered. "You thought I was Ben?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Why would Ben climb through your window?"

 

"Why would you? Neither of you were expected."

 

"Yeah, sorry…" Balthazar said. "I didn't wanna knock on the front door and wake up your parents, or John. I thought you'd be awake. You used to always go to bed pretty late… Sorry."

 

Peter shook his head. "No, don't apologize. It's okay."

 

"Okay, good."

 

They fell into a silence, and Peter was surprised at how awkward it was. Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised, given the time they'd spent apart from each other. But a part of him had been hoping that once they were around each other again, they'd just click and go back to being as friendly as before.

 

He'd been wrong. He had no idea what to say to this person. He still had no idea what had prompted Balthazar to climb into his window, but Balthazar just said it was because he missed him. The window climbing confused Peter, Balth missing him confused him, him not knowing what to say next even though he had a million things on his mind confused him.

 

Peter was confused.

 

He scrunched his face up as something hit him.

 

"Did you call me Peter a minute ago?" Peter asked.

 

Balthazar mimicked Peter's confused expression. "Yeah? That's your name…?"

 

"How did you know I stopped going by Pedro?"

 

Balthazar shrugged, suddenly looking a little embarrassed like he maybe said something he shouldn't have. "Still have you on Facebook and everything," he said. "I saw you change your name."

 

Oh, yeah. That made sense. He didn't know Balthazar actually looked at his Facebook page or his Twitter profile anymore. He assumed he stopped checking up on him when they stopped talking. Not that Peter now thought Balthazar checked his accounts regularly - he probably just saw it in passing as he scrolled through his timelines and feeds.

 

"Why the change?" Balthazar asked. "Why no more Pedro?"

 

"Not my real name."

 

"Yeah, but you always said Pedro was cooler. I liked Pedro."

 

Out of context, that statement made Peter's chest tighten. "Didn't feel like me anymore, I guess."

 

Pedro had been Peter's nickname since he was eleven, and it hadn't been easy making the switch, but it truly didn't feel like him at all. Peter was an all around great guy. Pedro was someone great and reliable and important. Peter felt like a giant disappointment. It was just that simple - he didn't feel like Pedro anymore. They were two different people.

 

"Fair enough," Balthazar nodded, seeming to accept that answer. Peter had always liked that about Balth. He never pushed too far.

 

They fell into another moment of silence, but Peter hated it just as much as he'd hated the first one, so he forced himself to say something. Anything.

 

"How long are you here?" he asked.

 

"I leave the day after Christmas," Balthazar answered. "So, not long. Eight full days."

 

Peter frowned. "You only get eight days off?"

 

"Technically not even that many," Balthazar said. "I have a couple things to do. But they're all in the area, so I can stay home."

 

"You have to work on your holiday? That's stupid."

 

Balthazar shrugged. "It's okay. It's what I signed up for. Plus, I like doing small hometown shows, so."

 

Peter nodded. He didn't know anything about the music industry, it wasn't really his place to comment. A third silence washed over them. Again, Peter didn't know what to say.

 

He became hyperaware of himself and everything around him. The garbage bin he had under his nightstand was full, almost overflowing with water bottles and wrappers and paper. His nightstand itself was clean, everything shoved into the drawer, so that was good at least.

 

His t-shirt had a stain on it from dinner when he'd dropped a piece of chicken on himself, and he'd decided it was fine to sleep in because who would even see it?

 

The room was pitch black, so maybe Balth couldn't see it. Peter couldn't make out much about Balthazar, not even with the moonlight coming in through the window. He noticed his hair looked nice though. Balthazar had always had great hair. Now he was probably getting it done by high profile professional stylists. No wonder it somehow looked even better than before.

 

Balthazar was wearing different clothes than he had been in those photos Ben had sent him. No longer in comfy airplane clothes, Balthazar was wearing jeans and a light brown and red striped sweater - looking at it a bit closer, Peter was pretty sure he'd seen that sweater before. Balthazar had worn it frequently when they were at school together.

 

He remembered one time, they'd skipped their class after lunch in favor of going to get dessert from a nearby ice cream shop. Peter had, in an attempt at being flirty, tried to boop Balthazar's nose with his ice cream cone. He'd miscalculated and his ice cream fell down Balthazar's sweater. It had been stained from the chocolate for awhile, but it looked like it was all good now.

 

Or maybe, just like Peter was hoping was the case with his stain, it just wasn't visible in the darkness.

 

"Peter?" Balthazar said suddenly. Peter also hoped his blushing cheeks weren't visible as Balthazar caught him staring so hard.

 

"Yeah, sorry," Peter said.

 

Balthazar didn't seem to notice how frazzled Peter was, or was just too nice to say anything. Peter safely assumed the latter.

 

"Are you going tomorrow?" Balthazar asked.

 

Peter frowned, confused. "Where?"

 

"The thing at Bea's?"

 

"Oh," Peter realized. "Right. Yeah, 'course."

 

Balthazar grinned. Peter felt an ache in his chest. "Cool," he nodded. His voice was level and calm, a contrast to how bright he was smiling. Peter soaked that smile up.

 

"You'll be there then?" Peter asked. "Not like you really have a choice…" He knew the whole thing was really being thrown just for Balthazar's homecoming. Even if it was being played up to be a reunion for the whole gang, no one would be making a big deal about it if not for Balthazar.

 

Balthazar laughed, shrugging. "I'll be there," he confirmed. "I'd be there whether I had a choice or not. It's been too long since we've all been together."

 

 _It's been too long because you left and didn't come back._ It was on the tip of Peter's tongue, but he didn't say it.

 

 _It's been too long because you never called or texted or even sent a Facebook message to anyone._ It was all on the tip of Peter's tongue.

 

 _It's been too long because you became so much bigger than all of us and hang out with people like Fred Boyet now._ Peter didn't say any of it.

 

Despite how it seemed, Peter wasn't mad at Balthazar for leaving and falling out of contact. He hated it, but he understood it. If he had Balthazar's talent, and the whole world wanted to hear his art, he'd have left, too. He couldn't blame him for losing touch either. Life got painfully busy just during the short time Peter was at university. He couldn't imagine how busy Balthazar's life was.

 

It just hurt, was all. It hurt a lot. But he didn't blame Balth. He could never.

 

"You bringing anyone along?" Peter asked. Now that he had Fred Boyet on the brain, he had to ask. He was trying to be subtle though.

 

"Rosa might drop by," Balthazar responded. "Not sure though."

 

Peter nodded. Rosa was cool, that was fine. Peter had always been fond of Rosa, and all of Balthazar's family. Rosa had always been the coolest of his siblings though. Even if she did like to bring up the mullet thing he had when him and Balthazar first became friends. He'd been thirteen, but Rosa never let it die.

 

"Cool," Peter nodded. "It'll be good to see her, maybe. If she comes. Anyone else?"

 

Balthazar shook his head. "No, Jojo has plans, and my mum probably won't let the twins come."

 

How did Peter let Balthazar know he wasn't asking about his family? He was trying to ask if Balthazar had brought any boyfriend along, but apparently subtle wasn't working with Balthazar.

 

Peter would just assume there was no Fred Boyet, no Kit, none of the other rumored love interests. Or else Balthazar would have said, surely.

 

"Are you bringing anyone?" Balthazar asked. "A date or anything?"

 

Well, fuck. Why wasn't Balthazar being vague and subtle, too? That had always been their thing. It was probably why they'd never been more than friends. Where was this Balthazar three years ago?

 

"No, no," Peter shook his head. "No dates for me. I mean, unless third wheeling with Ben and Beatrice counts."

 

Balthazar laughed. "Those two finally got together, huh?"

 

Peter had lived in a world with Beatrice-and-Benedick for so long, he'd almost forgotten that other people knew a world that they didn't exist in. Balthazar had left just months before they'd stopped their bickering long enough to realize they liked each other.

 

"Yeah, you didn't know that?" Peter asked.

 

"No, I knew," Balthazar said. "Just still surprising… Wish I'd been here to see how that happened. They're oddly adorable now though. Those couple selfies on Instagram? Precious. Never would have imagined that with them."

 

Peter laughed. He could sit there and laugh at how dumb Beatrice and Benedick had been before getting together, and how gross they were afterwards, all night - but he didn't want the topic to change before he had the chance to ask.

 

"No date for you either then?"

 

Balthazar looked down, awkwardly, adjusting the sleeves of his sweater so they were covering his hands. "No," he said. "No date."

 

"Oh, sorry…" Peter muttered. Shit, was Balth still in love with Fred? Peter probably shouldn't have mentioned him with all those break up rumors going around. What a dick move.

 

"No, don't be," Balthazar insisted, looking up. "I just don't really go on dates. Haven't properly dated anyone in awhile… or ever, really."

 

"Damien," Peter named, referring to the one guy that he knew Balthazar had dated back in school. Peter had never liked Damien.

 

"Yeah, there was him," Balthazar nodded. "But that was a long time ago."

 

"You haven't dated at all since Damien?" Peter asked, leaning forward and showing way more interest than he meant to.

 

Peter didn't want to have to call Balthazar out and reveal how much about his life he actually knew, so he hoped Balthazar would say something.

 

"Well, there was someone…"

 

_Thank God._

 

"I was with him for about nine months before ending it, but that ended over a year ago," Balthazar continued. "It was pretty serious, I guess. But, you know." He shrugged.

 

Peter knew he meant Fred, but he didn't say that. He also didn't mention how he knew Fred had come home with him once during those nine months. He didn't mention how fucked up he'd been over that.

 

"Sorry…" Peter said again, not knowing what else to say. Balthazar gave him a small smile, but didn't say anything in response.

 

More silence, and then, "It's really late. Sorry for dropping by like this, and freaking you out. I should probably go…"

 

Peter nodded. A part of him wanted to scream out and tell Balthazar not to go, but his heart was beating out of his chest and he almost wanted to Balthazar to leave just so he could try and calm down.

 

The thought of Balthazar leaving and never coming back did scare Peter, just because it had happened before. But they had the party the next night. He'd collect himself and maybe things would be better then.

 

"Um, okay," Peter said. "Do you want me to walk you home?"

 

"Always such a gentleman, Pedro," Balthazar replied, a teasing grin on his face as he propped himself up on his knees. His grin faded as he caught his mistake. "I mean, Peter. Sorry."

 

Peter nearly winced. Ben messed up his name all the time still, and he'd spoken to him everyday since he decided on the change. Balthazar hadn't seen him once. So why did him slipping up hurt so much more?

 

"It's dark out," Peter continued, not acknowledging the teasing comment or the name mix up at all. "Do you want me to?"

 

Balthazar rose, opening the window again. "I'm okay," he said. "My parents don't live too far."

 

Peter didn't push, just watching as Balthazar swung a leg out of the window, and then the rest of his body followed. He made his way to the ledge again, staring down at Balthazar.

 

"See you tomorrow?" Balthazar asked.

 

"See you tomorrow," Peter nodded. "Um… and don't be sorry for coming over. I really… yeah." He'd started to say that he really missed him, but he'd already said it once. He didn't want to push it.

 

Balthazar smiled. "Okay. It was good seeing you, Peter."

 

"Yeah, same."

 

"'Night," Balthazar gave Peter a small wave before he turned and walked through Peter's side yard, out onto the streets.

 

Peter shut his window, but he stayed put, watching Balthazar walk away. When he was two houses away, Balthazar glanced over his shoulder, back in Peter's direction. Peter ducked down a little, even though he knew he was invisible in the darkness of his room. He watched Balthazar until he was out of sight, and then collapsed back into bed.

 

That had happened. Finally, his grand reunion with Balthazar Jones. He had given up hope that it would ever happen, but it just had. It was nothing like he'd ever imagined though.

 

In Peter's wildest dreams, he'd imagined stuff like this. Balthazar showing up at his house in the middle of the night, and Peter sneaking him into his room. That was where the similarities stopped though. Because in his dreams, Balthazar then confessed that he was in love with him and that he always had been, and that anyone he'd dated since leaving was simply him trying to fill a void. Then they had their first kiss and spent the night cuddled up in Peter's room. Some versions of that fantasy had a less PG ending, but everything else remained the same.

 

That hadn't been what just happened in Peter's bedroom. Balthazar had been there, sitting just at the foot of Peter's bed. But there'd been no confessions of love, no falling into each other like not one day had passed since they last spoke. No, there'd been nothing like that. Instead, there were awkward silences and Peter not knowing what to say. He was nervous, and his hands were sweating and he felt sick to his stomach.

 

He'd hated that.

 

He hated that he didn't feel comfortable around his best friend anymore.

 

He hated that Balthazar _wasn't_ his best friend anymore.

 

He hated that he'd been so surprised at Balthazar showing up - he shouldn't have been surprised to see the person who used to drop by unexpectedly all the damn time.

 

He hated that Balthazar wasn't there for his name change.

 

Peter could try to blame it on Balthazar, say that he'd been the one who changed. But he'd changed, too. Balthazar didn't know Peter. He'd known Pedro, maybe he'd liked Pedro. But Peter was a stranger to Balthazar, and God, Balthazar sure felt a stranger to Peter.

 

* * *

 

 

**18th of December**

 

Peter woke up confused as hell. Last night had been a dream, right? No fucking way had Balthazar Jones showed up at his window in the middle of the night like they were living in a goddamn romantic comedy. Balthazar didn't even like romantic comedies. (Peter did.)

 

Peter looked around his room for any sign that last night had been real, but everything looked normal. He grabbed his phone, checking all of his texts. As if anyone in the group text would have sent, ' _hey i heard balthazar showed up at yours last night lol nice_ '.

 

He checked anyway - just in case.

 

Nothing.

 

He checked Balthazar's Twitter, and that's what confirmed it. That morning he'd retweeted a photo from Rosa, a photo of them from the night before. In the photo, he was wearing that brown and red sweater.

 

So… shit. Okay. Balthazar and his sweater had been in Peter's room last night.

 

There was a knock on Peter's door and he jumped, pulling his blankets up around him like he had something to hide.

 

"What?" he called.

 

John took that as Peter inviting him inside, and opened the door. "You up? It's almost three."

 

Peter checked the time on his phone. "It's only 2:30."

 

John looked at him, a little more judgmental than Peter felt was necessary.

 

"Hero's saying the party's starting at six," John said, and Peter was immediately taken aback. "Thought you might like at least three hours notice."

 

"Yeah, thanks. Hero?" he questioned. "Since when do you talk to Hero?"

 

"She's in my year, Peter. We have mutual friends in common."

 

"Who?"

 

"You."

 

"Oh… You talk regularly?"

 

John shrugged. "Not regularly. She texted me to invite me tonight."

 

"That's nice. You going?"

 

Another shrug. "Sure. Don't see why not."

 

John hated parties. Whenever Peter had thrown parties at their house, John had always either stayed in his room or sat amongst the crowd with a book, ignoring everyone. But, maybe he was changing his ways. Whatever his reasoning, Peter was glad his brother was going.

 

"Awesome," Peter said. "Thanks for the wake up call. Even though I was already awake."

 

"No problem," John said. He started to pull the door shut behind him, but then stopped. "Hey, were you talking in your sleep last night?"

 

Peter's eyebrows shot up, his eyes widening. "Why?"

 

"Thought I heard you."

 

"I don't talk in my sleep… Dunno what you heard."

 

"Didn't think so," John shrugged. "Alright, whatever."

 

It would have been easy to tell John the truth, that Balthazar had been there. But that would be a long conversation, and he didn't think he was ready to have it. Nor did he think he was ready to see him again. He only had three hours to psyche himself up for this thing. He had to start getting ready.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Peter bought a lot of alcohol. Once he'd spent two and a half hours getting ready and making sure he looked presentable, him and John drove to the store. John bought a few snacks, saying he didn't want to show up empty handed, and Peter bought a lot of alcohol.

 

They dropped Peter's car off back at their house and then walked the few blocks from theirs to Beatrice's.

 

"Wow, Peter," Beatrice said as soon as they'd walked in the door, eyeing the three full bags in his arms. "That is… You know there's only like, ten or so people coming, right?"

 

He handed one of the bags over to her. Walking with all of those really hadn't been easy.

 

"You'll thank me later," he promised. That probably wasn't true. She didn't have to get drunk to feel at ease around the guy she loved. That was Peter.

 

"Yeah, okay," she said, leading Peter through the living room and into the kitchen. It seemed like almost everyone else was already there. He greeted Meg, Ursula, Hero and Claudio as he passed them. He saw Hero give a tentative hug to John which was… weird. But, Peter didn't think much of it. Ben was in the kitchen when they entered, eating a brownie.

 

"Nice sweaters," Peter said as he sat the bags down, smirking at Ben and Beatrice's outfits. He hadn't noticed Beatrice's sweater at first, but now that he got a glimpse of the two of them together, it was hard not to notice. Once Peter said something about them, the two shuffled together so that they were standing correctly, with Ben on Beatrice's left so that the arrows on the shirts were pointing accordingly.

 

"Better than last year, right?" Ben asked, looking proud.

 

While the reindeer sweaters from the year before had been bad (at least, Ben's was bad), these were somehow worse. Maybe 'worse' wasn't the best word. They were just… cheesier.

 

Ben's sweater read 'I'm nice - She's the naughty one!' with an arrow pointing towards Beatrice, while Beatrice's read the same just with a change in pronoun. Actually, 'worse' was the best word to use. They were horrible.

 

"I kind of miss the butt sweater," Peter responded. Ben scoffed.

 

Peter shrugged at Ben's offended expression. Beatrice didn't seem as bothered as Ben.

 

"Ben picked this year," she explained. That made sense.

 

"You said you liked them!" Ben protested.

 

Not wanting to stick around for their lover's spat, Peter snatched a brownie off the platter on the counter and headed into the living room. John was already in there, having dumped his bag on the counter and then taken off, sitting on the couch. Peter sat beside him.

 

"Did you make fun of their sweaters?" John asked.

 

"Of course."

 

"Good. They were horrible."

 

Peter laughed.

 

Meg bounced over, throwing herself onto the couch next to Peter. She had stayed in Auckland as well, and Peter probably saw her a few times a month still. She was busy with her writing, but they still made time for each other. Though it wasn't nearly as much time as they'd spent together back at Messina.

 

"Pete," she said, a questioning glint in her eye. "My dear friend…"

 

"What do you want?" Peter asked.

 

"Did you bring wine?" she asked, her voice in a whisper as if they were still seventeen and not supposed to be drinking at parties.

 

He chuckled. "Kitchen."

 

"Oh, bless you," she sighed, hopping right back up. "You want?"

 

"Yeah, beer, please," he answered. He'd meant to grab a drink before leaving the kitchen, but the Ben and Beatrice sweater thing had distracted him.

 

"Got it, babes," she said. "John?"

 

"Beer's fine."

 

Meg gave him a thumbs up and then was off to the kitchen. John was still only seventeen, but their parents had always been cool about them going to parties and having a drink or two. John had actually asked permission, which wasn't something Peter had ever done. But he didn't feel too guilty now, knowing that they would have said yes since they were allowing John.

 

Meg returned a few minutes later, carrying two beers in her hands along with a glass of wine. John got up to take the beers from her. He passed one over to Peter.

 

"Cheers, Meg," Peter said, raising his drink to her. She clinked her glass with his bottle, and then made her way over to Claudio, Ursula and Hero.

 

Beatrice and Ben made their way out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch next to Peter, holding drinks of their own. They seemed to have made up since he left them. Not surprising. Whereas they used to fight constantly, nowadays, they still bickered, but it was usually about trivial things and they always made up within minutes.

 

Meg, Ursula, Hero and Claudio wandered closer and joined the group, sitting on the floor and in chairs around the room. It really did feel just like old times. Peter hadn't seen Ursula in ages since she had gone off for school, and catching up with her was great, and hearing about life where she was.

 

As nice as it was to be hanging out there with them, Peter couldn't help but wonder where Balthazar was. He kept glancing anxiously at the front door. Maybe he wasn't going to show up. He'd said he'd be there, but maybe he changed his mind. Maybe something came up.

 

Peter was torn, not knowing if he even wanted him to show up. The night before had been so awkward, and so not them. If the party was just a repeat of that, Peter didn't know if he wanted it. But on the other hand, Peter still wanted to blame the awkwardness of it all on his nerves and on the shock of him coming to his window.

 

Whatever it was, he knew alcohol would probably help this time. So really, the longer Balthazar kept them waiting, the better. It gave Peter more time to drink.

 

Peter was on bottle number three when there was a knock at the door. His heart started racing.

 

"I got it!" Beatrice announced, getting up from the couch and practically running to the door.

 

Peter, subtle as always, craned his neck to see who was standing there as she opened it. He heard both John and Ben laugh, probably at him, but he didn't care.

 

"Balthazar Jones has arrived!" Beatrice shouted. The entire energy of the room changed. For the most part, people had been relaxed and chill, now everyone was quickly standing. He heard Meg squeal in excitement as she rushed to the door to greet Balthazar, and Hero was practically skipping over to him.

 

Peter didn't get up to greet him, since the group was coming back that way anyway, and he was busy talking to everyone else. He just watched him as he came inside, looking slightly overwhelmed by all the people talking to him and surrounding him. Still, Balthazar looked beautiful. He was always beautiful, always had been, Peter couldn't help think it.

 

"Stop drooling," John whispered.

 

"Fuck you," Peter muttered, not even looking away from Balthazar.

 

Everyone returned to the seating area, and Beatrice all but shoved Balthazar down to the couch in between Ben and Peter. Peter wanted to thank her because of the way Balthazar practically landed in his lap. Ben scooted over a little to make more room, and then Beatrice actually did sit in his lap to make room for all five of them.

 

"Hey, Peter," Balthazar said once everyone was situated.

 

"Hey," Peter smiled, a little in awe again, just like he had been the night before.

 

They didn't have much of a chance to say anything else to each other, because the conversation was quickly brought back to what they'd been talking about at the door, which was of course, Balthazar's career. They asked him about his music and his touring and all the glamorous things Hollywood had brought into his life. Peter didn't say much, but he didn't take his eyes off of Balthazar.

 

Hero, who was seated on the floor by the couch, sighed happily during a lull in the conversation. "Look at all of us. The gang back together again."

 

"We should really get together like this more," Ursula said. "Even though that's harder for some of us. With school and work being so far away…"

 

"Yeah, we should at least make this a yearly thing," Claudio suggested.

 

"We really should," Meg agreed. "Especially for the benefit of this one." She nodded at Balthazar. "He misses too much. God, it's been ages since you've seen any of us…"

 

"Yeah, except Peter. I saw Peter last night."

 

"Of course you did," Meg grinned knowingly.

 

Ben shot Peter a look of confusion, and he could feel John looking at him as well. Had he not mentioned that to either of them? Oops.

 

"When did you see Peter?" Ben asked.

 

"Last night," Balthazar answered. Peter took a drink to cover up his laughter. It didn't work, and Ben looked at him again.

 

"Balthy, has Hollywood turned you into a smart ass?" Ben asked.

 

Balth grinned, shrugging.

 

"Speaking of Hollywood and ass," Meg started, smirking. Peter knew where this was going, and he wanted no part of it. Remembering how awkward Balthazar had gotten the night before when Fred was mentioned, Peter guessed Balth wanted no part of this either.

 

Peter downed the last of his drink. He was going to be brave.

 

"You're a shit host, Bea," Peter commented as he stood up, talking loudly over everyone else to cut off the invasive questions. "You haven't even offered Balthazar a drink. Come on."

 

Balthazar looked a little surprise, but he stood anyway and followed Peter into the kitchen.

 

"I'm a fantastic host!" Beatrice shouted after them. Peter gave her a thumbs up, because she really was a fine host. It wasn't personal. He just needed to get Balthazar out of there.

 

"Pick your poison," Peter said, waving his arm to gesture towards all the drinks that were displayed on the counter. He grabbed another beer for himself.

 

"How much have you had to drink already?" Balthazar asked.

 

"This is four," Peter said, raising his bottle.

 

Balthazar laughed. "I can't believe it. You used to be such a lightweight."

 

Peter gasped in mock offense. "I was not!" He was. How did Balthazar remember that? Peter didn't start partying much until after Balthazar left, as he got a bit older. They'd gotten drunk together two, maybe three times. "I've become a great drinker, I'll have you know."

 

"Sure," Balthazar said, not sounding convinced.

 

"I saved you from an interrogation in there and this is what I get?" Peter asked, shaking his head in disappointment. "Not nice, Balth."

 

Balthazar gave Peter a soft smile. "Thanks for that."

 

Already, Peter could see Balthazar loosening up. He felt responsible for that, he felt proud. "'Course."

 

Balthazar grabbed a beer and took a seat at one of the stools by the counter. Him and Peter drank in silence for a moment, but it was a more comfortable silence than the night before. Maybe it was because they had both come more prepared to see each other. Maybe it was because Peter was kind of drunk. Probably the latter. See, he knew alcohol would help.

 

"Are we hiding out from your own party?" Peter asked, leaning against the counter across from Balthazar.

 

"It's not my party," Balthazar insisted.

 

"We didn't have a grand get-together last Christmas," Peter told him. "Pretty sure this is just for you."

 

"Nah…"

 

"Everyone just wanted to see you," Peter continued. "Understandable, since you kind of left and disappeared for a few years."

 

Balth smiled, but he looked down. He looked a little guilty. Shit, Peter hadn't meant to make him feel bad. He didn't want to fuck this night up.

 

"We miss you, that's all," he said. "We get that you're busy though…"

 

"I miss you, too," Balthazar said, looking up to meet Peter's eyes again. "All of you."

 

Peter laughed. "Yeah, I know. That's why you went knocking on windows last night. Just couldn't wait one more day to see us."

 

"No, just you," Balthazar said. "Yours was the only window I knocked on last night."

 

No one else had mentioned a wild Balthazar climbing through their windows, so Peter had known he'd been the only one. But, he still felt special hearing it straight from Balthazar's mouth.

 

Whatever moment they were potentially having was ruined when Ben walked into the room.

 

"You two saw each other last night?" he asked. Peter rolled his eyes.

 

"Saw that," Ben pointed a finger at Peter. Peter swatted his hand away. "You said you were going to bed last night, Peter."

 

"I did go to bed," Peter said.

 

"And then you woke up, left and ran into Balthazar?" Ben asked. It was amusing, watching him trying to figure out when and how they'd seen each other.

 

"Not exactly," Balthazar answered for Peter. "I went to see him."

 

Ben sat down beside Balthazar. "You went to see him at his house?"

 

"Where else?" Peter asked.

 

"Now you're being a smart ass," Ben said, pointing at him again.

 

"I'm going to bite your finger off, Ben," Peter threatened.

 

Ben lowered his hand and turned to Balthazar. "You just showed up at his house? Why? What were your motives?"

 

"Holy shit, Benedick," Peter stopped him. "We left to get away from the interrogation, alright? Calm down."

 

Balthazar shot him a thankful look and Peter smiled. Ben watched them, a suspicious look in his eyes.

 

"Beatrice wanted wine," Ben muttered in defeat, sliding off the stool and walking to the other end of the counter so he could pour a glass for his girlfriend. "She also wanted to know where you two went."

 

"Here we are," Peter said.

 

"So I see," Ben said, glancing at them as he poured the wine.

 

He kept eye contact with Peter as he sat the bottle down and picked up the glass. "Are you coming back?"

 

"No," Peter replied, just to be difficult, then gave in with a sigh. "Yeah, obviously. Just give us a minute."

 

He didn't know why Ben was acting this way. Well, that wasn't true. He did. It was because Ben was Ben. But Ben knew Peter still had feelings for Balthazar. Why was he acting like this and trying to sabotage his one on one time with him? He probably wasn't doing it on purpose, Peter knew, but still.

 

Ben walked backwards out of the room, slowly vanishing from their sight. Peter shook his head.

 

"Ben hasn't changed then?" Balthazar noted.

 

Peter laughed. "Not at all. Weird as always."

 

"I wouldn't say he was weird," Balthazar tried to reason. "He's still very well meaning."

 

"I can't believe Hollywood hasn't made you jaded and cynical yet," Peter said.

 

Balthazar shrugged. "Not yet. Give it time. I'm still young."

 

Peter found it hard to even imagine Balthazar as someone anything less than kind and sweet and cautiously optimistic all the time. He hoped fame never changed him. He didn't think it would.

 

"Um, should we head back?" Balthazar asked. "If this whole thing really is for me…"

 

"Aha, you admit it!"

 

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "If this thing is for me," he started over. "I don't wanna hide away with you all night."

 

Peter nodded. "Yeah, we should probably go before they send Ben back in here. I don't want to hog you all night."

 

"Wait a couple hours, and then maybe we can sneak away again," Balthazar said. He was probably kidding, but Peter was already planning on that.

 

Balthazar and Peter both grabbed a fresh drink and then headed back out to the party.

 

Though really, it was less of a party, and more of them just sitting around the living room, drinking and eating and reminiscing. Remembering old times would usually make Peter feel a little sad, but he was pretty drunk so he felt alright. It was hard to be sad when he had beer, and also a giggling Balthazar seated next to him.

 

They didn't talk one on one much once they joined everyone again, but that was okay. Balthazar sat squished next to him on the couch, even after John moved to the floor and there was a lot more space. As the group adjusted to being back all together, and to having Balthazar around again, they stopped focusing so much on him and just started talking about random nonsense.

 

They talked about things they'd all done in the past, they talked about things they were doing now, they told the story of Benedick and Beatrice (that was mostly for Balthazar's benefit, because he had missed them getting together and it was a story that needed to be told).

 

"They fucking tricked us into dating," Beatrice explained.

 

"They _thought_ they tricked us," Ben argued. "We already liked each other. We would have figured it out eventually."

 

"No, you wouldn't have," Peter insisted, shaking his head. "You're both idiots."

 

"Yeah, _we're_ the idiots," Ben teased, rolling his eyes. Peter shoved his shoulder. "I'm just saying, at least we're together now. We sorted our stuff out."

 

"You never thanked us for that," Claudio said.

 

"And we never will," Beatrice informed him, taking a sip from her glass.

 

Peter glanced at Balthazar, his face warming up when he caught Balthazar already looking at him. He knew Ben was right, about Peter being an idiot and never doing anything about his feelings on Balthazar. While sometimes, he thought Balthazar had liked him back, what if he hadn't?

 

He could have made a move, only to ruin their friendship. He had almost made a move, actually. The day Balthazar left.

 

* * *

 

 

**_2012_ **

 

_Balthazar was all packed up, his suitcases in the back of his mum's car. His parents and siblings were in the car already, waiting to drive Balthazar to the airport. The official going away party had been the night before, and everyone had hung around until the morning so they could say goodbye one last time. But now everyone had gone home, and just Peter remained. The two of them lingered in Balthazar's front yard, both of them prolonging the inevitable._

 

_"This is it then," Peter said. He was so close to crying he could feel his eyes starting to burn. God, he hoped Balthazar couldn't tell._

 

_"Guess so," Balthazar nodded. "It's not really it though. I mean, I'll be back."_

 

_"Of course you will," Peter said. It was reassuring, hearing Balthazar say that. He knew he wasn't ready to drop their friendship just because of the distance, so he was relieved Balthazar felt the same._

 

_He stared at Balthazar for a moment, trying to remember every detail of his face in case this somehow was the last time he saw him - at least for awhile, as if he hadn't spent years already studying and memorizing the boy in front of him._

 

_There was an ache in his chest that he knew was more than just sadness about his friend leaving. Because Balthazar was more than just a friend, he always had been. Neither of them had ever said anything, but Peter had always felt like there was so much more between them. Maybe it was just on his end, but he saw how Balthazar looked at him…_

 

_If this was the last time Peter saw Balthazar for awhile, he didn't want to let this opportunity slip through his fingers._

 

_Fuck it. He was going to do it. There were a million reasons not to - Balth was leaving, he wasn't ever going to have time to talk to Peter or see him, things probably wouldn't change and it might just ruin their friendship. But, fuck it. Maybe it'd make it better. It was literally a now or never moment, and Peter didn't want to live in a world where he never at least tried to kiss Balthazar Jones._

 

_"I'm really going to miss you," Balthazar said. "Probably more than anyone else."_

 

_"Yeah, I'm really going to miss you, too," Peter told him. "You have no idea how much, Balth…"_

 

_Balthazar put a hand on Peter's shoulder, and for a split second he thought Balth was going to be brave so that Peter didn't have to. But he only pulled him in for a hug, which Peter let himself melt into._

 

_He didn't let go, and neither did Balthazar. Balthazar's nose pressed into Peter's neck, and though it was cold Peter still didn't budge. His hand was placed on Balth's back, gripping onto the material of his sweater. There had been very, very few hugs in Peter's life where he'd wanted to hold on forever, but now he was finally understanding why people clung to others and begged them to never let go._

 

_As Balthazar eventually began to pull away, Peter was going to make that the moment. He tightened his grip on Balthazar's sweater, keeping him close, and he started to lean in, but then -_

 

_"Are you crying?" Peter asked, his entire demeanor instantly softening. He pulled away._

 

_Balthazar ducked his head down to hide it, but Peter could tell. "Balth," he sighed, moving back in for another hug._

 

_"Shit, sorry," Balthazar said, his voice muffled since his face was buried in Peter's shoulder. "This is harder than I thought."_

 

_"Yeah, I know," Peter agreed. He didn't say anything else after that, and neither did Balthazar. They just held onto each other. Peter couldn't speak for Balthazar, but he knew he was terrified to let go._

 

_But eventually, they had to, or else Balthazar would miss his flight. Peter didn't think that'd be the worst thing, but Mrs. Jones, who was honking the car horn at them, seemed to._

 

_"Call me when you make it there," Peter said, pulling away from the hug but not removing his hand from Balthazar's shoulder._

 

_Balthazar nodded eagerly. "Yeah, of course I will. Of course…" He took a deep breath, and for a second Peter thought he was going to say something else, but then he just gave Peter a sad smile. "Bye, Pedro."_

 

_"Bye, Balthazar."_

 

_One last, quick hug and then Balthazar was crossing the yard to where his family was waiting. Peter stood there as he got inside and the car drove off. He stood there until the car was out of sight, and even then he couldn't find the energy to move. Peter sat down in the grass, his legs spread out in front of him._

 

_Balthazar was gone. But he'd be back… Surely, he'd be back. And when he came back, maybe then Peter would have his chance._

 

* * *

 

 

What would have happened if Peter had kissed Balthazar? Would things be any different? Peter desperately wanted to ask him, but he wasn't brave enough yet.

 

"I'm getting another drink," Balthazar said, standing from the couch. Good idea. "Anyone else need one?"

 

Everyone mumbled their variations of 'no', 'no thanks', 'I'm good', and Balthazar started off for the kitchen.

 

Peter followed.

 

"Oh, hey," Balthazar said once he realized Peter was tagging along. "I would have brought you something."

 

Peter shrugged. "You said to wait a few hours and then I could feel free to hog you again."

 

"Did I say that?" Balthazar questioned, but there was a smirk forming on his face.

 

"Something like that," Peter confirmed.

 

"So you're here for sneaky kitchen chats part two?" Balthazar asked as he switched his empty beer for a new bottle. He handed one over to Peter as well.

 

"Actually, I was thinking sneaky basement chats part one," he suggested.

 

Balthazar raised an eyebrow, looking a mix of curious and unsure, but ultimately he shrugged a shoulder and waved an arm forward, gesturing for Peter to lead the way.

 

* * *

 

They used to hang out in Beatrice's basement all the time. There used to be a couch and a TV down there and everything. The TV was gone, and the basement was now mostly filled with boxes and storage, but the couch was still there. It appeared to be collecting dust, but it was clean enough.

 

"Why so many boxes?" Balthazar asked as they stumbled down the stairs and through the maze of storage.

 

"Hell if I know," Peter responded. "The basement was always a bit of a mess though."

 

"Yeah, that was probably our fault. Messy, messy kids."

 

Peter chuckled as he fell onto the couch, spreading out on it and leaving just enough room for Balthazar to sit next to him. "I had my first kiss in this basement."

 

"Oh?" Balthazar asked. He took a drink. "It wasn't with, uh…"

 

"No, no, not with Beatrice," Peter assured him, knowing that's where he was going.

 

"Who with?"

 

"Her name was Malory. She wasn't really friends with all of us, but she was friends with Hero for like, a year. Anyway, she came over to hang out one weekend, we got dared to kiss. She said no, I think she liked Benedick at the time. But then later on, she took my hand and dragged me away from everyone else, and kissed me. Dunno what changed her mind."

 

"I think I knew that…" Balthazar said, a thoughtful look on his face.

 

He probably had known that. They'd known each other then, and had become friends just the year later. In their three years of friendship, Peter was positive he'd told this story before. Just like he knew he'd heard Balth's first kiss story. Both of them. His first ever kiss, with Ursula when they were eleven. Then the first kiss that he really counted, that came three years later with a boy named Matt.

 

There was one point in time where Peter could name every person Balthazar had ever kissed (Ursula, Matt, Damien, Benedick on a drunken dare, Hero on a sober dare). He couldn't do that anymore.

 

"Yeah, probably," Peter said. "We know each other's first kiss stories. We were both around for them."

 

"What about last kiss stories?" Balthazar prompted. Peter sat up a little.

 

"Go," Peter encouraged. "Who was yours? Someone hot and famous? Was it Harry Styles?"

 

Balthazar laughed. "I have never met Harry Styles… Does he like boys?"

 

"I'm sure he'd like you," Peter said. Balthazar blushed.

 

"I think Harry Styles could do better than me," Balthazar said. "So, no, not him."

 

"Was it anyone from a boy band?" Peter asked.

 

"No, it wasn't, I'm sorry. I did meet Niall though, at some award show last year."

 

"That's fantastic," Peter said. "These are the things I want to know about."

 

"From now on I'll send you regular text updates every time I meet someone from a boy band," Balthazar promised. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled his phone out. He unlocked it, then tossed it onto Peter's lap. "Number."

 

"I can't believe you don't have it anymore," Peter said, grabbing the phone.

 

"I had it on my old phone," Balthazar said. "But then, you know…"

 

"New phone, new contacts, yeah," Peter sighed, trying not to sound bitter as he punched his number in. What were the chances of Balthazar even using it?

 

In that moment, Peter believed he would. He could blame the alcohol, or he could blame his naive romanticism. But things did seem fine between them. It had been rough that first night, but it turned out all they needed was for the initial shock of seeing each other again to wear off, and for a more relaxing, familiar setting. In a crowded living room, drinking and talking with their friends. That was all it had taken to get them back to something resembling normal.

 

As he passed the phone back, he wanted to make him swear he'd call. He wanted to ask why he'd stopped calling in the first place. But he didn't. He didn't want to sour the mood.

 

"Last kiss?" he asked, to get them back on topic.

 

"Kit Harper," Balthazar answered. Peter tried not to frown too noticeably. "It was for a music video though, if that counts."

 

"I'll count it, I guess," Peter said. "Who was before that though?"

 

"My ex," Balthazar answered.

 

"Fred?" Peter asked for confirmation, then realized what he'd said.

 

Balthazar laughed. "You keeping up with my love life?"

 

"No," Peter quickly said in defense. "Ben is. Ben told me. You know he follows fan accounts? I think he probably runs one."

 

"Aw, Ben," Balthazar chuckled. "Yeah, it was Fred."

 

"You started dating him pretty soon after getting to Los Angeles, yeah?" Peter asked. He already revealed that he knew about him and Fred. He had nothing to lose now.

 

"Ben tell you that, too?" Balthazar teased before he nodded. "Yeah, after about six or so months, I guess."

 

Something in Peter's gut twisted. For the first five or six months of them being apart, Peter had still heard from Balthazar. Had he stopped talking to Peter once he started dating Fred? Did one thing have to do with the other? He was probably just over analyzing.

 

"Fred the vegan king," Peter said, nodding appreciatively. "He's pretty hot, I guess. Nice job."

 

Balthazar laughed, a little awkwardly. "Yeah, thanks… Um, who was yours?"

 

It took Peter a second to remember the name of his last kiss. Not because it had been ages ago, it had only been about three months, but because it hadn't been a significant other. It had been a girl he'd known for a few hours before going back to her place, and then never seeing her again.

 

"Jamie… I think?" Peter thought out loud. "Maybe Janey."

 

"Sounds like it was true love," Balthazar teased. Was Peter imagining the annoyance in his voice? Probably.

 

"It wasn't." He took a drink. "I haven't really dated anyone in awhile. I had a girlfriend for like, a minute when I was seventeen, but that didn't last."

 

"Why not?"

 

_Because I was in love with you and that was my failed attempt at moving on before I realized that was impossible, even though I knew you were moving on with Fred._

 

"Dunno. Just didn't."

 

Balthazar nodded in understanding.

 

"Was that when you were Peter or Pedro?" Balthazar asked.

 

"That was pre-Peter."

 

"Oh, yeah. That wasn't until earlier this year, right?"

 

Peter laughed. "Why'd you ask if you knew?"

 

Balthazar smiled sheepishly, shrugging. "Didn't want to seem like I knew too much about you even though I do," he admitted. "That's weird. I can't believe I just said that."

 

"It's okay," Peter grinned. "You drunk? You can blame it on that."

 

"Yeah, okay," Balthazar nodded. "I'm drunk."

 

Peter was quiet for a second, contemplating what to say in response to that. So Balthazar had stopped talking to him, but still social media stalked him? That was interesting. He'd try to remember that tomorrow so he could over analyze it like it deserved to be.

 

"I like the name change, by the way," Balthazar spoke up again. "I don't know if I said that last night. I like Peter…"

 

Peter smiled. "Thanks. Peter likes you, too."

 

Balthazar laughed, but Peter felt his face turning red. Why the hell had he just said that? He'd been trying to be funny, but he sounded like he was flirting. Was he flirting? Balthazar was smiling, so maybe it was okay if he flirted. He'd see how far he could take this.

 

"Does he?" Balthazar questioned.

 

"Definitely."

 

There was a loud crash upstairs followed by cackling laughter. Peter and Balthazar looked at each other.

 

"What the fuck are they doing?" Peter asked. "It sounds like they're murdering each other… and enjoying it."

 

"Do you wanna go see?" Balthazar asked, but he himself was making no sign of movement.

 

"Not really," Peter said. "This is better."

 

Balthazar smiled, and there was one of those looks. The looks that always confused the hell out of Peter before. His features all softened, and the look in his eyes was so sweet and gentle. It made it hard for Peter to breathe.

 

"If they're killing each other, I think it's best if we don't get involved," Balthazar suggested.

 

"Couldn't agree more," Peter said. "We should probably lock ourselves down here until morning to be safe."

 

"Okay," Balthazar agreed. "As long as I'm home by five."

 

"That's a weird curfew."

 

"Not a curfew," Balthazar laughed. "I have an appearance in the morning."

 

Peter snorted. "You're here getting drunk when you have to be awake by five? I thought you were smart."

 

"Hey…" Balthazar put a hand to his chest, feigning offense.

 

"I thought you were on holiday, too," Peter continued. "I know you say you had things to do, but geez."

 

"Appearance tomorrow at five, then a gig in three days. You're coming to that, right?"

 

"Was I invited?"

 

"You're being invited now," Balthazar said. "Everyone is. It's supposed to be a little secret hometown show. It's at one of the community theaters."

 

"Yay," Peter said, raising a fist in celebration. "I will be there. I've always wanted to be a groupie, hanging out backstage and stuff."

 

"Hey now," Balthazar laughed. "No one said anything about being backstage."

 

Peter whined in protest.

 

"I'm kidding. Obviously, come backstage. Everyone can hang out."

 

"Gonna live that groupie life," Peter sighed happily, downing the last of his beer. "Oh no. I've run out. Do you think the murder scene is cleaned up by now? Can I sneak up there?"

 

Peter made a move to get up, but Balthazar's hand around his wrist stopped him. "You better not," he said. "For your own safety, I mean."

 

"You're right," Peter said, settling back down into the couch once he'd sat his empty bottle on the floor. He made sure to position himself just a bit closer to Balthazar. "Shouldn't risk it."

 

Balthazar took a drink from his own bottle, finishing it before setting it down next to Peter's own empty bottle. When he sat back up, Peter noticed he was an inch or two closer.

 

Balthazar sighed happily. "I'm glad I got to come home this year," he said softly. "Didn't get to last year."

 

"Why not?"

 

"I was in London, recording," he explained. Peter watched Balthazar's lips as he spoke. "I had Christmas Eve and Christmas off, but was working every day before and after. I wouldn't have been able to make it home."

 

Peter remembered the rumors about Balthazar being in Wellington, where Fred Boyet was originally from. He was somewhat relieved to know there was no truth behind them. He was sad, too. He'd rather Balthazar have been with someone he loved for the holidays than alone in London working.

 

"That sucks," Peter mumbled, not knowing what else to say. "I'm glad you're home now."

 

Balth hummed his agreement. "I've always felt at home with you," he said. Peter had not been expecting him to say anything like that, but he wasn't complaining.

 

"Yeah, same." It was another lame response, but again, it was how he felt.

 

"I think that's why I showed up at yours last night," Balthazar admitted. "It sounds stupid, because I was literally at my house with my family all day. But I didn't feel like I was really home yet… Is that ridiculous? I just… really felt like I had to see you."

 

It did sound ridiculous, but only because Peter couldn't understand how, if Balthazar had missed him that much, that night had been the first time he'd heard from him in years? Why was this the first time they were hanging out in three years? His mind was a jumble of questions, but the loudest thought in his mind was screaming, _'oh my God, Balthazar feels at home with me and I'm about to explode because I love him so much'_.

 

"Did I still feel like home?" Peter asked, cautiously. He was almost terrified to hear the answer.

 

"Last night was a little weird," Balthazar said. Peter swallowed hard. "But I think I was just nervous. I tried to hide it, but I was."

 

"So was I," Peter admitted.

 

"Now, though…" Balthazar continued. "Yeah, you still feel like home. I knew you would."

 

It was funny how just four days ago, Peter was thinking about how he needed to move on. Fuck that. He looked at Balthazar's lips, then met his eyes again.

 

"So, your first kiss was Ursula…" Peter started. "Last kiss was Kit… What about your next kiss?"

 

Balthazar took in a sharp breath and for a second, Peter regretted what he said, thinking maybe he was misreading all of Balthazar's signs. But then Balthazar's gaze fell to Peter's lips. "You tell me," he said.

 

There was nothing to misread about that, and Peter leaned in to meet Balthazar's lips.

 

The kiss started a little awkward and sloppy, as one might expect from a first, drunken kiss, but by no means was it a bad kiss. Peter had kissed a lot of people, but he didn't think anything could compare to kissing Balthazar Jones for the first time.

 

It was a bit overwhelming, he would admit. He was finally kissing the boy he'd loved for years, so it was bound to be. It must have felt the same for Balthazar, because he broke the kiss a few moments later, already a little breathless. He laughed, looking drunk and giddy and _beautiful_ , his lips still brushing against Peter's.

 

When Peter leaned back in, Balthazar didn't pull away. His hands were on either side of Balthazar's face, wanting to touch him and also wanting to keep him close, even if they did stop kissing. Which they did, a few times, but only because neither of them could stop smiling and laughing.

 

"I've wanted to do this forever," Balthazar admitted in between kisses.

 

"So have I," Peter breathed, threading his fingers through Balthazar's hair. He still could not believe what was happening. He couldn't believe he was hearing Balthazar say that. Everything felt so unreal and intense and overwhelming, but Peter wasn't about to stop it. And if the way Balthazar was kissing him said anything, than neither was he.

 

They didn't talk from that point on, communicating through actions instead. Like when Balthazar wanted to lay back, he moved backwards and gripped Peter's hoodie to pull him down on top of him. And when Balthazar wanted that hoodie off, he tugged at the zipper and Peter sat up to take it off the rest of the way.

 

Peter kissed Balthazar's mouth one more time before he began pressing kisses down his jawline and down his neck. He wondered for a moment if they were moving too fast. They weren't moving too fast for Peter (honestly, they could have been moving a little faster), but he didn't know about Balthazar.

 

He pulled back for a moment to ask Balthazar, but before he could even get a word out, Balthazar was asking, "Why'd you stop?"

 

He looked distressed, like he was terribly offended Peter had stopped kissing him for even the briefest moment. Peter laughed as he kissed Balthazar. "Sorry," he whispered.

 

He kissed his lips, then once again trailed kisses down his neck. Balthazar let out a breathy moan, and Peter stopped where he was to start sucking on that spot of Balthazar's neck. If he left a mark, he'd apologize for it later.

 

He slipped his hand underneath Balthazar's shirt, his hand splayed against the warm skin. Balth pulled his hand away from Peter's hair and began to undo the buttons on it. Once he saw what Balthazar was doing, Peter sat up and pulled his own shirt over his head.

 

And that was how Ben, Beatrice and Meg all found them.

 

Peter and Balthazar had been so wrapped up in each other, they hadn't heard their loud friends approaching or opening the door, but they did hear the door slam behind them as they shouted down to them.

 

"Oh my God, they're screwing!" Meg squealed.

 

"My eyes!" Ben yelled, bringing his arms up to cover his face. A bit overdramatic in Peter's eyes.

 

Peter groaned. "I thought we locked that."

 

"I think we just talked about locking it," Balthazar corrected him. Peter groaned again.

 

"Go the fuck away!" Peter shouted, looking over his shoulder at the three of them.

 

"Ursula is leaving and we thought you'd want to say goodbye," Beatrice said, trying to stay calm but obviously surprised at what she was seeing. "Now… we will go. Come on." She grabbed Ben's arm, tugging him back up the stairs with her.

 

"Happy for you two!" Meg called behind her as she followed them back upstairs. Peter was looking at Balthazar again, but he heard the door shut behind them, and then silence.

 

Peter and Balthazar stared at each other for a second before they both burst into laughter. Peter fell backwards onto the couch, his legs tangled with Balthazar's until Balthazar sat up. This time, he was the one on top of Peter.

 

It was a great view, Peter had to admit. Balthazar's lips were swollen from kissing, his hair was a mess, his shirt was hanging open and Peter couldn't resist reaching a hand out to run it down his chest and stomach.

 

Balthazar kissed him and for a second, Peter thought that they could just ignore that interruption and pick up where they left off. But the kissing only lasted for a minute.

 

"We better go say goodbye to her," Balthazar said, not looking enthused about the idea of getting up either.

 

"Her who?" Peter asked.

 

Balthazar laughed. "Ursula. Bea said she was leaving."

 

"Oh." Yeah, he'd heard that. Oops. He was in a bit of a daze from all the kissing and touching and just _Balthazar_. No one could really blame him for being a little spacey.

 

Before he could stop him, Balthazar was getting off the couch and starting to button his shirt again. Peter begrudgingly pulled his t-shirt back on as well. He picked his hoodie up off the floor and pulled it on as well, though he was too warm for it now.

 

Balthazar started up the stairs and Peter followed, holding onto the rail as he went up because he was struggling to walk straight. Too much beer. Too much Balthazar (except not really, because there could never be too much Balthazar).

 

"Glad you two could put your pants back on long enough to come say goodbye," was how they were greeted by Ben as soon as they walked into the living room.

 

"Our pants weren't even off, thanks to you," Peter mumbled just loud enough for Ben to hear as he shoved past him.

 

Peter followed Ben to where Ursula was hugging everyone and saying goodbye by the front door. He gave her a hug and said his farewells, promising to talk to her soon, and then let Balthazar say his goodbyes in private since they'd always had a closer relationship.

 

While they talked, Peter joined Ben and Beatrice in the living room again.

 

"You were about to have sex in my basement?" Beatrice asked, sounding a bit disgruntled.

 

"They were," Ben answered for Peter.

 

Peter shook his head. "We weren't having sex," he told Beatrice. "We were kissing."

 

"With your shirts off?" Ben asked.

 

"Technically, his shirt was still on," Peter argued.

 

"Oh, you and your damn technicalities," Ben huffed. "I saw his nipples."

 

"You saw my nipples?" Balthazar questioned as he approached, just catching Ben's last statement.

 

Ben nodded. "I did. And I cannot unsee them, Balthy. You know, when I said I wanted to see more of you… that wasn't what I meant."

 

Balthazar shrugged. "Sorry… You should really knock though. It's just impolite."

 

"It's my basement!" Beatrice reminded them.

 

"Okay, fair point," Balthazar nodded. "Um, I just caught the time, and I have to be awake in like… four hours. If I don't sleep right now, I'm probably going to end up still drunk on TV tomorrow."

 

He hugged Beatrice and Ben, saying his goodbyes to them.

 

"It was so good to see you again," Beatrice said, her arms wrapped tight around him.

 

"You'll see me again before I go," Balthazar assured her. "I already told Pete, but I have a gig in a few days. You all have to come."

 

"We'll be there, buddy," Ben promised. "You say bye to everyone?"

 

Ben nodded. "Yeah, yeah, said goodbye to Meg, Hero, Claud… Couldn't find John though."

 

Peter looked around the room, concerned. "Where'd John go?" he asked Ben and Beatrice.

 

"Oh, he left," Ben remembered. "Right after you two disappeared to engage in shenanigans."

 

Peter rolled his eyes at the word 'shenanigans'. "Was he okay?" he asked.

 

"Seemed fine," Beatrice said. "Just said he was tired and going home."

 

John had never been a big partier, so that sounded like him. Peter would check on him when he got home, but he was sure he was fine.

 

"Okay, you go home and sleep this off," Beatrice suggested, squeezing Balthazar's shoulder. "We'll see you later."

 

"Yeah, I'll be free tomorrow afternoon, so just call me," Balthazar said. He hugged both Ben and Bea one more time before he started for the door, Peter at his side.

 

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Peter asked, echoing the exact words from the night before.

 

Balthazar laughed. "You really don't believe in my ability to get home by myself do you?"

 

"I'm being nice, shut up," Peter grinned. "And you're drunk."

 

"What? You're drunker than me."

 

"No I am not. You're drunker-er."

 

"That's not even a word."

 

"You're not even a word."

 

"That's right, I'm not. I'm a human being."

 

Peter scoffed. "Ben was right. Hollywood did turn you into a smart ass."

 

"Oh, you love it."

 

He did love it.

 

"I'll walk you home," he offered again.

 

This time, Balthazar agreed.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter kept tripping over his feet. He never actually fell, but by the time they turned onto Balthazar's street, he nearly had about a dozen times.

 

"So you're walking me home, but who's going to make sure you don't fall and bust your face open when you go?" Balthazar asked.

 

"You can walk me home," Peter suggested. "And then you can come inside with me. And stay the night."

 

Balthazar grinned. "Is that what I should do?"

 

They were outside of Balthazar's house, but Peter wasn't ready to say goodnight yet. He grabbed onto Balthazar's waist, pulling him close. Balthazar came forward with ease.

 

"That's exactly what you should do," Peter encouraged. He moved forward, kissing Balthazar. Balthazar kissed him back, his hand coming up to rest on the back of Peter's neck.

 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, kissing in the darkness of the night. When Balthazar pulled away, Peter could tell it was hesitantly. "I really, really wish I could," he said.

 

"You can do whatever you want," Peter told him. "I believe in you."

 

Balthazar laughed. "I can't, I'm sorry."

 

He kissed him one last time, then stepped back. Peter held onto his shirt until he literally was too far out of reach, then he pouted.

 

"Please text me when you get home so I know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere," Balthazar said as he started slowly walking backwards into his yard.

 

"Where do you think we live?" Peter asked. "There are no ditches from here to my house."

 

"Yeah, knowing you, you could get lost and end up somewhere with ditches."

 

"That's never happened."

 

"First time for everything. Anything could happen, Pete."

 

Peter smiled. Yeah, he learned how true that was tonight. "Text me first so I have your number," Peter called out, Balthazar up to his door now.

 

Balthazar gave him a thumbs up before turning around. He fumbled around for a moment, getting his key from his pocket and then getting in the door. Once he'd successfully done that, he turned back to Peter.

 

"I'll text you, then you text me," Balthazar said. "Then I'll text you again, and we'll keep doing that for awhile."

 

"Brilliant idea," Peter grinned. "Goodnight, Balth."

 

"Goodnight, Peter."

 

Peter waited until Balthazar was inside before he walked away, starting for his own house. He was halfway home when his phone buzzed.

 

_'are you in a ditch?'_

 

Peter smiled at his phone. _'yeah :/'_

 

_'damn… never gonna get to kiss you again. what a shame.'_

 

_'i'll find a way to crawl out of here, just for you.'_

 

_'please'_

 

 _'aren't you supposed to be asleep?'_ Peter sent. As much as he wanted to spend the entire night talking to Balthazar, he didn't want him to be miserable in the morning.

 

Balth's response came quickly. _'yes, i'm in bed, just want to make sure you get home first.'_

 

Peter smiled again. _'almost home'_

 

_'tell me when you get there'_

 

Peter didn't text back yet, but kept his phone in his hand. The distance from Beatrice's house to his, even with the stop at Balthazar's (who lived just in between them), was only about a fifteen minute walk. So it wasn't long before he was back at his front door.

 

He unlocked the front door, being as quiet as he could as he walked inside. All the lights were off in the house, including John's, he noticed as he passed his bedroom door on his way to his own. He didn't even bother turning his light on before falling onto his bed.

 

He fumbled with his clothing, trying to get everything but his boxers off in the quickest way possible. Once he was undressed, he climbed under the covers and grabbed his phone. He went to his camera and snapped a selfie of himself pretending to be asleep. The bright flash of the light hurt his eyes, even with them closed, but it was necessary since his room was so dark.

 

 _'SLEEPING'_ he sent to Balthazar, along with the photo.

 

A few minutes later, he got a text back. It included a photo of Balthazar, mimicking Peter's photo. He was almost completely covered by his blanket, it was pulled all the way up and over his mouth. Peter could only see his eyes and his hair, and his eyes were closed.

 

 _'same. goodnight :)'_ Balthazar had sent with it.

 

Peter stared at the photo for a few seconds before he finally put his phone away.

 

* * *

 

 

**19th of December**

 

Peter woke up with the worst headache of his life. Maybe Balthazar had been right calling him a lightweight. Alcohol always got the best of him. Despite how much pain he was initially in when he woke up, that was when he perked up - when he remembered _Balthazar_. For the second morning in a row, he woke up questioning if he'd had a very vivid dream about the boy, or if it had been real.

 

Also like last time, he went to his phone looking for answers. Right away, there was proof the night before had been real. There was Balthazar's text messages, and the photo he'd sent. There was a string of new texts from him as well.

 

_'good morning, i want to cry!'_

 

_'not really, i'm okay. kinda drunk still, but also kinda in a lot of pain.'_

 

_'sorry, i just realized you're probably still fast asleep because most normal people are. i'll stop texting you now so i don't wake you up.'_

 

Peter wasn't awake enough to reply to those, but he'd make sure he did later. He went to Instagram next, and his entire feed was photos from the night before.

 

There was Hero, kissing Claudio on the cheek. There was Meg, kissing Ursula on the cheek in a photo that appeared to be mocking the couple. Ben and Beatrice had a few different photos, showing off their sweaters and just being the Perfect Couple. John had even made it into a few photos, most notably, a selfie with Hero over on Hero's account. Then there were a lot of group photos, and Peter was happy to see Balthazar beside him in each other. They weren't in some of the group pictures, but even those made Peter grin because he knew where they were when those photos were being taken.

 

He went through, liking each one and making notes of which group photos he wanted to repost onto his own account. He had a few photos of his own to post as well. Mostly of Ben and Bea, whenever they weren't standing right and their sweaters looked wrong, and unnecessary close ups of John just to annoy him. There were a couple of just Peter and Balthazar, too. He'd definitely post those.

 

But, he'd do that later. He tossed his phone to the side and closed his eyes again. It wasn't even eleven yet, so he could lay in bed for a few more minutes…

 

* * *

 

 

Three hours later, Peter woke up again. He'd meant to only close his eyes for a few minutes, but had fallen right back asleep. He felt a little better after getting more sleep, but he still didn't feel great. It was hard to be unhappy though, when memories of the night before were still running through his mind.

 

He had actually made out with Balthazar Jones. They talked and they flirted and they kissed. They'd almost had sex. Peter grinned, burying his face into his pillow and letting out a muffled scream. Holy shit, he was so happy.

 

His headache was still an issue, but that didn't take away the pep in Peter's step as he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. His parents weren't there, probably at work since it was the middle of the afternoon now, but John was.

 

Oh, shit. John.

 

Peter had meant to check on him once he got home, but he'd completely forgotten. First, he'd abandoned his brother at a party full of his friends, and then he didn't ask him if he was okay after he left said party early and without a goodbye.

 

He hadn't been the best brother last night.

 

"You hungover?" Peter asked, ruffling John's already messy hair. John swatted his hand away and went back to his bowl of cereal. Peter grabbed a bowl for himself and sat it on the table.

 

"No," John answered. "I only had one beer. You had many, many more than me."

 

"I did, yes," Peter agreed as he poured a chocolatey cereal into his bowl. He put it up and pulled the milk from the fridge. "Are you angry at me for that? Is that why you left?"

 

"Why would I be angry?" John asked, watching as Peter made his bowl of cereal. "I left because I was tired. I told Beatrice. Did she not tell you?"

 

"Yeah, she did. Just wasn't sure if that was the real reason."

 

"Why would I lie to Beatrice?"

 

Peter sat down next to his brother and shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever. So you're alright?"

 

"I'm just fine," John said, his tone never changing. "Are you? You look like death, yet you came down here smiling… Your boyfriend looked the same this morning."

 

"You saw Balthazar this morning?" Peter asked.

 

"He was on the TV again."

 

"You watched that? That was at like, six o'clock."

 

John shrugged. "I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, so I turned the TV on. There he was."

 

"He looked bad?" Peter frowned. He hadn't wanted Balth to feel bad in the morning, though they both knew it would be pretty inevitable with how much Balth drank combined with his late bed time.

 

"Kind of sick," John explained. "He was hungover, I presume. But, he looked happy. That probably had something to do with the hickey he was sporting."

 

Peter smirked, and tried to hide it by taking a big bite of his cereal. John still saw it.

 

"Figured it was from you," John said, shaking his head in amusement. "That's what you two were up to you when you disappeared for the second time."

 

Peter nodded. There was no use in lying about it. Why would he want to? He'd brag to anyone who would listen that he had finally kissed Balthazar after years of pining.

 

"Yes it was," Peter confirmed, looking more than a little bit smug. "They didn't cover that up for TV?"

 

"Guess not. You'd think an early morning show would be a bit more PG."

 

Peter hummed his agreement, then went back to his breakfast. He'd definitely have to find footage of the show later on. He wanted to see Balthazar, as well as the mark Peter had left on Balthazar.

 

"I'm happy you two finally talked things out," John said.

 

Peter stopped eating. "What do you mean?"

 

"I mean, you two finally kissed. I'm assuming you talked about things. Like, your feelings? Your evident abandonment issues? Your current relationship status?"

 

Was that something they should have done before hooking up? Or, _almost_ hooking up? Balthazar had said he'd wanted to kiss Peter forever. Peter had said he felt the same. Did that count as talking?

 

"We… kind of, just… made out," Peter admitted.

 

John blinked at him before looking back down at his cereal. "Of course you did. Probably for the best."

 

"What do you mean?" Peter asked again.

 

Next to him on the table, his phone buzzed. On the screen, he could read the text. It was from Balthazar.

 

_'If you're up, lunch with everyone in an hour?'_

 

He pushed his phone away and looked back up at John. "What do you mean it's probably for the best?"

 

"Well, I know you've had feelings for him," John said. "But, he did leave for three years and then never contact you again. He's never here."

 

"Yeah, but…"

 

"You like him, I know. And I'm sure he likes you, too. But, think about if you two could actually have a long distance relationship. You didn't have a very successful long distance friendship."

 

Peter suddenly felt ill, and it wasn't because of his hangover. He pushed his cereal bowl away, no longer hungry. "I'm gonna go vomit real quick," he said as he stood up and rushed from the room.

 

He didn't go vomit, but he felt like he could.

 

Fuck John.

 

Peter knew he was only stating facts, but still. Fuck him. Neither of them knew why they'd fallen out of contact. It had just happened. Surely, if they became a couple, that wouldn't happen again. There was no way it would. Peter loved Balthazar, and Balthazar…

 

Well, Peter wasn't sure how Balthazar felt.

 

He sat down on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone in his hands. He read Balthazar's last text again. He still had over half an hour before everyone met up for lunch. Truthfully, he felt okay enough to go out to eat. Or, he had, before John talked to him. Peter just wasn't sure he wanted to see Balthazar yet, not before sorting his thoughts out.

 

Peter knew long distance had gotten the better of them before, but he was willing to try. He had tried before. It was Balthazar who had let things get as bad as they had.

 

With that in mind, Peter came to the conclusion that while the night before had been fun, it probably wasn't going to lead anywhere. That thought made him feel sick and it broke his heart, but it seemed to be true.

 

Even if Balthazar did want more, who was to say John wasn't right, and their relationship would fall apart just like their friendship had? If their friendship hadn't been important to Balth, their relationship probably wouldn't be either.

 

His phone buzzed again. This time, a text from Ben.

 

_'ARE YOU COMING TO LUNCH? IT'S THE WHOLE SQUAD - MINUS URSULA'_

 

The caps lock made Peter's head hurt. He ignored that text, too. And then he ignored the one that came after it.

 

_'he told me not tell you but balth told me to text you because you weren't texting him and he is worried about your wellbeing - he also called you a lightweight.'_

 

He felt awful about the whole thing, but the truth was, Peter still really wanted to see Balthazar again. He wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to talk and flirt and just be around him. Even if it was only for a few days, and then Balthazar would disappear from his life once more. At least Peter could say that for a week, he got to be with the boy he was in love with.

 

 _'so fucking hungover,'_ Peter texted in response to Ben. _'but yes i'll be there'_

 

 _'are you going to tell balthazar i told you he called you a lightweight?'_ was Ben's only response.

 

_'probably'_

 

_'does this thing with balth mean you aren't going to call jaquie?'_

 

Maybe he'd call her, once Balthazar was gone and Peter could put effort into moving on. But, that'd be later. Right now, he was focused on one boy and one boy only.

 

_'definitely not'_

 

* * *

 

 

Peter showed up to a nearby pizza place a little less than an hour later. Everyone else had already arrived and there were pizzas on the table in front of them. He was glad that all of his old friends still knew him well enough that his favorite pizza was among them.

 

"Ben tried to add pineapple to that one," Balthazar said, gesturing towards Peter's pizza. "I stopped him."

 

"You're good to me, Balthy," Peter said, grinning and praying that the ache in his chest would go away. Because this wasn't a pleasant ache, this was a heart wrenching one stemming from his earlier realization.

 

He was going to force himself to enjoy the time he had left with Balthazar. He didn't want it to go to waste.

 

"Pineapple just goes so well with ham though," Ben insisted. "How do you get one without the other?"

 

"Easily," Peter said, reaching for a piece. "Meat on pizza is good. Fruit is not."

 

"Well, no, not most fruit," Ben said. "Like, no one would put strawberries on a pizza. Or, cherries or bananas. But, pineapple is special."

 

"Here we go," Beatrice muttered under her breath, but that didn't stop Ben.

 

Halfway through Ben's lecture on pineapple pizza, Peter stopped listening. Ben was no longer directly speaking to him, but to the entire table, and was engaged in a debate mostly with Claudio now, so Peter didn't feel bad turning to whisper to Balthazar as Ben talked.

 

"You saved my pizza, but then you had to mention pineapple," Peter whispered. "Not sure if I should thank you or blame you for this."

 

"I think I'm deserving of both, to be fair," Balthazar said.

 

"Very true." Peter glanced down at Balthazar's neck, smirking as he spotted the mark on it.

 

Balthazar saw where he was looking and nervously rubbed at his neck, covering the spot with his hand. "Yeah, thank you for that," he laughed. "Didn't even realize it was there until I walked downstairs and my mum saw."

 

Peter snorted, covering his mouth with his hand to try and stop his laughter. It didn't work. He knew he should have felt bad for causing Balthazar any embarrassment, but he didn't really.

 

"What'd she say?" Peter asked.

 

"Nothing, she just looked at it, a little surprised and a little disappointed," Balthazar said. "Jojo came over and poked at it though. That's when I knew."

 

"I'm sorry," Peter said, still smirking.

 

"Yeah, I can tell," Balthazar replied sarcastically.

 

"I like it," Peter said, reaching out to touch Balthazar's hand, gently pushing it away so he was no longer covering it up. "I wonder if the talk show hosts this morning liked it, too. John said he saw it when you were on there."

 

Balthazar groaned. "Your brother saw it? It was that obvious? That's great."

 

"I'm sorry," Peter said again, more genuinely this time, seeing Balthazar unhappy about it.

 

"It's okay. I personally don't mind it. My PR people will have fun dealing with all the rumors that stem from it."

 

Peter frowned. He thought it'd cause a little embarrassment at the most, but was it actually going to cause problems for Balthazar? Balthazar seemed to read Peter's mind.

 

"It's fine," Balthazar added assuringly. "People are always trying to link me with someone new. There'd be rumors about a hometown ex boyfriend, or a new fling or something regardless. This just gives them something to go off of. Pete, it's really fine."

 

"You sure?" Peter wasn't convinced.

 

Balthazar smiled and reached out, his hand landing on Peter's thigh under the table. "I'm sure. You can give me as many hickeys as you want. I like them."

 

Peter smiled. Well, if Balth liked them, who was he to argue?

 

"Hands where I can see them, Balthazar Jones!" Ben shouted, pointing across the table at him.

 

Balthazar removed his hand from Peter's thigh, holding his hands up in defeat. Peter shook his head. He really had to get Balthazar alone somewhere where there was no chance of Ben popping up. He was proving to be a huge issue for the two of them.

 

Peter picked up his slice of pizza now that it was cooled down and took a bite. He cringed.

 

"No offense, but this pizza is awful," he said, his voice barely above a whisper in case a waitress passed by and heard him.

 

"Yeah, that's why Ben chose this place," Hero said. "He said this place had the worst reviews and that no one ever comes here."

 

Peter stared at her, confused. "I'm not understanding the logic…."

 

"He didn't want me getting followed or interrupted by too many people," Balthazar explained.

 

"Oh… that's actually kind of nice," Peter said. "In a weird way. The pizza's really bad though."

 

"Yeah, it's really not good," Ben said. "I thought it'd be a little better, but it's not."

 

"I'll cook lunch if you all want to come to mine?" Hero suggested.

 

Everyone happily agreed to that.

 

* * *

 

 

**20th of December**

 

After a long day of cooking (they'd ended up going to the shop to get stuff to make their own homemade pizzas, and then proceeded to be awful at it, except for Hero), eating (the pizzas were a mess, but actually tasted alright), and hanging out, Peter had gone home to spend the rest of the evening with Ben, who ended up crashing there for the night.

 

He would have taken Balthazar home with him, and he'd wanted to, but some of Balth's extended family had come into town that morning and he felt obligated to spend time with them.

 

He was doing that again today. Apparently they were only in town for a couple days, and wanted to spend as much quality time with Balthazar as possible, since he was the only Jones who was constantly so hard to get in contact with.

 

Ben ended up staying at Peter's for the majority of the day, which was fine with him. Ben was Peter's favorite kind of friend. The one who didn't require much to keep them entertained. They were both perfectly content just sitting around together, doing their own things in the same room, or just watching TV.

 

That was what they did for the most part. At one point though, Peter did put Ben to work and made him help wrap presents. Peter's presents were always messily wrapped, and people assumed he just got lazy and slapped the wrapping paper on. That wasn't true. He always tried. It just wasn't his strong suit.

 

"Why did you buy your mum a candle?" Ben asked, picking the present up and smelling it. "That's the generic mum gift."

 

Peter took the candle away from Ben, defensive of it. "It was ten dollars. And it smells good. Mums love candles."

 

"Nice to know you really went all out for your loved ones this year," Ben uttered.

 

"I only had a couple hundred bucks, alright?" Peter defended himself.

 

"Get a job," Ben told him.

 

Peter hated to admit that Ben was right, but he was.

 

Once he moved back home, Peter had told himself he'd start looking for a job right away. He didn't want to mooch off of his parents.

 

He didn't know whatever happened to that plan. One day, he was looking for a job, and almost applied for a few. But he never did.

 

Nowadays his primary source of income was from doing odd jobs for his elderly neighbors, or borrowing from his parents. That wasn't really cutting it.

 

"You liked your job at the bar, didn't you?" Ben asked.

 

"It was alright," Peter replied. "I mostly liked the discount on drinks."

 

"Have you looked at the bars around here?"

 

"I did when I got home," Peter answered. "But I'm not sure if I want another bar job. I want to do something I like."

 

"Like what?"

 

Peter didn't know. That was the problem. When he went to university, he thought he'd really find himself, but the opposite happened. He stopped focusing on things like football and being a student leader, and tried to find the one thing that really pulled him in. He just wanted one thing he loved, was passionate about, and was good at. But there was nothing.

 

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

 

"Maybe go down to Messina and see if there's anything there," Ben suggested.

 

"Pretty sure I'd need a degree for anything at Messina, bro," Peter said.

 

"Talk to Leo about football. You could help him coach. He loves you, everyone there does. I'm sure you could get in there somehow."

 

Peter thought about that. Football had been fun, and he'd been good at it. He'd been really into it for awhile, but that passion hadn't been there for a long time. But, maybe. If nothing else came up, he'd consider it.

 

"Yeah, maybe," Peter pondered. "I'll think about it. Maybe give Leo a call after Christmas."

 

"Perfect," Ben said, looking proud of himself for being helpful. He held up a flamingo figurine. "Now, let's talk about you forcing me to wrap my own gift."

 

"You don't know that's for you," Peter tried to argue.

 

"I picked it out!"

 

* * *

 

 

Ben didn't leave until late that night, and before falling asleep, Peter had spent the rest of the night trying to text Balthazar. He didn't get many responses back, but he took what he got. Mostly, it was sneaky, unflattering photos of his family that made Peter laugh.

 

Around eleven, Balthazar seemed to have made a momentary escape, because Peter actually got a solid, five minute conversation out of him.

 

 _'you didn't forget my gig is tomorrow did you?'_ Balthazar asked.

 

How could Peter forget? He'd already made plans to drive with Ben and Beatrice. Hero, Meg and Claudio were meeting them there.

 

 _'of course not',_ Peter replied. _'i'll be there.'_

 

_'good :) you haven't seen me play in ages'_

 

_'i know, i'm excited. i hope this show's as good as the last one i was at'_

 

_'i mean, i hope i've gotten better since then. it'd be unfortunate if i'm somehow worse'_

 

Peter laughed to himself. _'i'm kidding, i know you'll be incredible. you always are.'_

 

_'i've missed having you around at gigs. it was always a relief seeing you in the crowd. made me less nervous.'_

 

_'happy to be of assistance to you.'_

 

Balthazar didn't reply for a few minutes, and when he did, it was a photo of a big, golden retriever laying across Balth's lap. Probably his explanation for his lack of replies. Peter understood.

 

Balthazar stopped returning his texts completely at around one, and that was when Peter fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

**21st of December**

 

That evening, Peter met up with Ben and Beatrice at Bea's house. The gig started at seven, and Balthazar told them to show up at around six so they could have some time backstage with him beforehand.

 

He showed up at Bea's house at five, so that they could hang out and eat before they left to meet up with the others at the theater.

 

"This theater is doing Marlowe!" Ben bubbled. "Faustus!"

 

"You realize we're not going to see Faustus, right?" Beatrice asked as she joined Ben and Peter at the counter. "It's just the same building."

 

"Still exciting," Ben grinned. Beatrice shook her head in amusement. "It's not starting until the new year, but we'll go then, right?"

 

"Sure," Beatrice agreed, not sounding half as enthused as Ben.

 

"You'll come, too, yeah?" Ben asked Peter.

 

"Sure, I like Faustus," Peter said.

 

Ben was a huge Marlowe fan. Peter wasn't nearly as into him, but he had developed a love for theater in the past year. That was probably the best thing that came from uni. While he never tried acting or anything, because he was sure he'd be poor at it, he did get involved in it to an extent.

 

He went to a few school and local plays with Ben, and Jaquie was an actress so he went to see her in things. And sometimes he hung around behind the scenes with her. He'd read lines with her sometimes during breaks at work. One time he actually got to sit in during a rehearsal, and that had been cool.

 

So yeah, he enjoyed theater.

 

Ben looked thrilled just planning to go see it. Peter chuckled at that. He literally couldn't stop smiling as he ate his pasta.

 

"You seem more excited to see Faustus than you are to see our dear, sweet Balthazar," Peter observed.

 

"Don't you mean _your_ dear, sweet Balthazar?" Beatrice corrected him, waggling her eyebrows.

 

Peter tried to scowl at her, but he ended up grinning instead. He looked down at his food. "No, that's not what I meant," he said.

 

"That's one hundred percent what you meant," Ben agreed with Bea. "Are you two not a thing? You told me you were."

 

"When did I say that?" he asked.

 

"You told me you weren't calling Jaquie."

 

"That means I'm not calling Jaquie," Peter explained. "Not that me and Balthazar are a thing. I mean, we're not… _not_ a thing. But we're not a _thing_ thing."

 

Beatrice stared at him, her face scrunched up. "What?"

 

"I don't know!" Peter yelled, throwing his hands up. "We haven't talked about it!"

 

Ben and Beatrice looked at each other, eyebrows raised. Peter hated that.

 

"What was that look for?" he asked angrily.

 

"Of course you haven't talked about it," Beatrice sighed, looking sympathetically at Peter. He resented that. "Peter, why were you and Balthazar never together before this?"

 

"Because I never told him how I felt," Peter answered honestly. He knew that was the reason, or at least one of them.

 

"Exactly," Ben said, continuing on Bea's behalf. "Because you never talked to him. You two need to talk and sort your shit out."

 

"We don't have any shit to sort out," Peter assured them. "We're fine."

 

"You're really not," Beatrice said.

 

Peter glared. "No offense, but we had to prank you two in order to get you together, so I'm not taking advice from you."

 

Peter didn't get why everyone was being so negative in regards to his and Balthazar's… whatever it was. John was insisting they wouldn't work out. Ben and Beatrice were telling Peter they had to sort their shit out. They didn't have any shit. They were perfectly okay.

 

Peter was trying really hard, at least, to be okay with things. He was afraid that if he talked to Balthazar, it would ruin the rest of their time together. Talking about their nonexistent future would only make their time together even more bittersweet. He didn't want to do that. All he wanted was to spend Christmas with his old best friend, and the guy he loved. No one could take that from him.

 

"It's almost six," Peter said, looking at his phone. "Can we go now?"

 

Beatrice looked at the time on her own phone before nodding. "Let's go."

 

* * *

 

 

Peter felt a bit like a superstar when he showed up to the theater and as soon as he told security his name, was let backstage. It was a weird, but very cool moment.

 

It was just a small community theater, and it was supposed to be a "small, secret" gig, but the place was packed. The doors had just opened and already, the seats were filled and the place was chaotic.

 

Backstage was pretty hectic, too, with crew running around making sure everything was set and fixing any last minute hiccups. There were just a few rooms backstage, and the biggest one was being used as Balthazar's dressing room. While the rest of the backstage area was crowded and full of people, the dressing room was mostly empty and much calmer.

 

Peter followed Ben and Beatrice inside, and as he did, he saw that Meg, Claudio and Hero were already there. He spotted Rosa as well. The rest of his family wasn't anywhere in sight though. Also in the room was a tall, dark haired woman in a pantsuit who was standing by the door and reading something on her phone. There was a heavyset man sitting on the couch with Balthazar's guitar in his lap, and he was messing with it. And right next to him was Balthazar himself.

 

"Balthy Balth!" Ben shouted to announce himself. Balthazar looked away from the man with his guitar and smiled at Ben's entrance. Immediately, he looked past Ben and Beatrice and his eyes found Peter.

 

"You came," Balth said, looking delighted to see them as he stood up and walked over to greet them. He hugged Ben first, then Bea, and then he got to Peter.

 

"Of course we came," Peter said, rubbing Balthazar's back as he hugged him. "I promised I would."

 

He caught Beatrice staring at them, and he couldn't read her expression, but he didn't like it. He waved her off, and she shook her head before going to join Ben and the others, who were helping themselves to Balthazar's snack table.

 

As Balthazar pulled away from the hug, he kissed Peter's cheek. It was unexpected, and Peter couldn't control how big his smile was after that.

 

"Um, this is Tanya," Balthazar said, pointing to the woman in the doorway. "She's pretty much the boss of me."

 

Tanya, who had just witnessed their hug, was eyeing them suspiciously. She glanced at Peter, then at Balthazar's neck, then at Peter again with a look that said 'so you're the one who marked up my client'. Peter gave his most polite, albeit awkward smile.

 

"It's lovely to meet you," she said, her tone a lot more pleasant that Peter had been expecting after that look. "I've heard a lot of nice things about you."

 

"Oh?" Peter looked at Balthazar, who was now blushing, then at Tanya again. "It's lovely to meet you, too."

 

He felt someone lacing their fingers through his own, and when he looked down he saw Balthazar holding his hand. Oh. So that was a thing they were doing. He must have been staring at their hands a bit too long because when he looked up at Balthazar, he looked like he was questioning their move. Peter smiled and squeezed his hand to assure him that it was more than okay. Balthazar smiled at that, then looked at Tanya again.

 

"I'm going to show Peter that, uh, that thing I wanted to show him," Balthazar said.

 

Peter raised his eyebrows. Thing? What thing?

 

"Make sure you're back in twenty minutes," Tanya told him. "You have to finish getting ready."

 

Balthazar gave her a nod, and then grinned at Peter again. "Come on."

 

Balthazar tugged at Peter's hand, leading him out of the room. Peter followed happily. He held onto tight to his hand, not wanting to lose him in the mess of people. The hall was very small and everyone was cramped together, shoving past everyone else to get to where they needed.

 

"Is it always like this?" Peter asked Balthazar, speaking up a little so he could be heard over the hum of the crowd - the one in the halls, and the one waiting for Balthazar by the stage.

 

"Yes," Balthazar replied easily. It was difficult to hear him, and Peter quickened his pace to walk more closely behind him, nearly stepping on the backs of his feet. "I mean, this theater's small, so we usually have a little more room. It was worse earlier because my entire family's here, and they running around back here. They went to sit down already though. But it's always this crazy, yeah."

 

Because the theater was, in fact, small it didn't take long for them to get wherever it was they were going. Peter still wasn't sure where that was exactly.

 

They ended up near the stage, just a few feet away from the curtain that lead out to it. They weren't completely alone, there were two or three people pushing crates around and coming on and off the stage with equipment that looked important, but Peter couldn't identify. But, Peter felt positive that it'd be as alone as they'd get until the end of the night.

 

"Where's the thing?" Peter asked, very curious now.

 

Balthazar smiled, looking a mix of guilty, shy and mischievous. "No thing."

 

Peter was confused, until Balthazar dropped his hand only to grab the back of his neck instead. When Balthazar kissed him, he understood.

 

He kissed him back at first, because he couldn't _not_ kiss him back, but then he pulled away so he could gasp in fake shock.

 

"You tricked me into thinking there was a thing to be seen, only to drag me off so we could make out?" Peter asked. "I cannot believe you, Balthazar Jones."

 

"Yeah, yeah, I did." Balthazar shook his head, laughing, but still looking a bit sheepish. Like he was surprised at himself for this, like he was maybe unsure if it was okay, kind of like the hand holding. Peter couldn't have him feeling that way.

 

He used his pointer finger to lift Balthazar's chin up before kissing him again. As Peter stepped closer, Balthazar stepped backwards and ended up with his back pressed to the wall. He didn't seem to mind, and neither did Peter.

 

"This is even better," Peter whispered against Balthazar's lips. "I was pretty curious about that thing though."

 

"Sorry to let you down," Balthazar said, his tone not serious.

 

"Definitely not let down," Peter promised him, kissing him again.

 

Balthazar smiled into the kiss. Peter loved that.

 

"If your heart was really set on seeing something…" Balthazar started, looking to his right and at the wall behind him. With his neck exposed, Peter kissed it, only half listening to whatever he was saying. "There's a cool poster with my name on it."

 

"Hm?" He glanced up, and sure enough, there was a cool poster with Balthazar's name and face on it. There was a whole bulletin board just by Balthazar's head, with a mess of posters. Most of them appeared to be posters for the theater's plays, but then there were others. Like Balthazar's, and a handful of other musicians who had had shows there.

 

Peter managed to pull himself off of Balthazar for a second to step in and take a closer look at it. "That is pretty cool," he said. "I know it wasn't the original 'thing', but hey, good recovery."

 

"Thank you very much," Balthazar grinned, proud.

 

Next to Balth's poster, was one for Faustus. "Ben's excited for this," Peter told Balth, pointing at the Faustus poster.

 

"What?" Balthazar asked, turning around fully to get a better look at the board. "Faustus? Ah, yeah, Ben posts a lot of Marlowe stuff on Facebook."

 

He really, really did. Usually on Peter's wall. Peter never would have admitted to liking him if he knew he'd be subjected to that.

 

"Do you want to keep talking about Ben?" Balthazar asked. He was staring at Peter's mouth when Peter looked at him.

 

He grinned. No, he really didn't.

 

* * *

 

 

Tanya had told them they had twenty minutes, but it felt like way shorter than that when Peter heard someone whistling behind them. Not a 'hey there, sexy boys' kind of whistle, but a 'give me your attention right fucking now' whistle.

 

Peter detached himself from Balthazar and looked over his shoulder. There was Tanya, looking very unhappy.

 

"It's been half an hour, Balthazar," she informed him, walking closer to them now they'd stopped kissing.

 

Balthazar's face was red, but Peter didn't know if it was from their make out session or from the embarrassment of being caught by one of the people who worked with him. Probably a mix of both.

 

"Sorry, Tanya," he murmured. His hands fell from Peter's shoulders and he gave Peter a rueful smile as he stepped around him and towards Tanya. Peter stayed a few steps behind him.

 

"Have you had your tea yet? Or have you been here the whole time?" She was asking, but the tone of her voice made it clear she already knew the answer. "And Balth, you have to come meet Costa before you go on. It seems like we're incredibly rude if you don't meet the owner of the theater before performing."

 

Logically, Peter knew Tanya was just doing her job and keeping Balthazar on track. But she wasn't speaking very nicely to him at the moment, so Peter didn't like her very much. He held Balthazar's hand, suddenly feeling very protective.

 

"No tea yet," Balthazar admitted, as if she didn't already know. "I don't think it actually does anything for my voice, so I don't know why you're insisting on it."

 

"It does help," Tanya urged. She waved her arm, gesturing behind her. "Come on. You need to get it, say hello to Costa, and then find Michael and make sure your guitar's ready."

 

Balthazar squeezed Peter's hand before dropping it. He gave him one more smile over his shoulder before following Tanya, on a mission for tea or for someone named Costa or whoever. Peter would go back to the dressing room in a minute, but first, he wanted another look at the bulletin board.

 

He wondered if there were copies of that Balthazar poster anywhere that he could snag. He knew that Balthazar could easily get him any poster of him, but he wanted that one that was for this particular show. Because yeah, it was cool Balthazar had gigs all over the world, but this one was taking place in their hometown, while they were… together, or whatever they were.

 

Peter looked at it for another second before he glanced at the Faustus poster again. He took a look at the dates for it, remembering them for Ben - although he probably already knew them. But he was remembering them for himself, too. Faustus was bound to be a good show.

 

Peter took a step back, about to turn and head for the dressing room again, when another flyer caught his eye.

 

'Help wanted! Crew and extras desperately needed for January Faustus production!', it read. There wasn't much information other than that, other than the contact information for Costa McClure down at the bottom.

 

Curious, Peter pulled the flyer off of the board. It was probably a volunteer thing, meaning no pay, or something meant for only already-active members of the theater to see since it was hanging backstage. He was about to hang it back up when suddenly -

 

"Please help me."

 

"Oh, what the hell?" he shrieked. Peter jumped at the voice that was suddenly in his ear. The words themselves were eerie, and combined with the soft whisper they were spoken in, Peter was freaked out. He had to take a second and wait for his heart to stop racing.

 

"Help wanted," the mysterious man said, pointing to the flyer in Peter's hand. "Are you wanting to help me?"

 

Peter had been considering it, but now he wasn't so sure. "Um…"

 

"Allow me to introduce myself properly," the man said, taking a step back and extending his hand to Peter. "Costa McClure. I own this theater. I run this theater. I direct, I produce, I write, I act."

 

Peter shook his hand hesitantly. "That's… a lot," he offered. "Cool? Um, did you say you're Costa? I think my, um…" He struggled, not sure what word to use to describe Balthazar. Not boyfriend. Not just friend. He didn't know. "Balthazar," he settled on. "He was looking for you."

 

Costa waved his hand. "Yes, Balthazar Jones. I ran into him just moments ago. Very lovely boy. Will sound beautiful on that stage."

 

Peter agreed with that.

 

"But, _you_ \- are you interested in helping me with my production of Doctor Faustus?" Costa asked again. Obviously he had a one track mind when Faustus was concerned.

 

"Maybe?" Peter answered honestly. "I kind of need a job, so…"

 

Costa stared at him in silence for a few seconds. "You need a job?"

 

"Yeah…" Peter felt himself questioning everything he said, because everything Costa said felt like a trap. "Is this like, a volunteer thing… or do I get paid?"

 

Again, Costa just stared at him at first. Peter shifted uncomfortably.

 

"Unfortunately, the community theater isn't very well funded," Costa informed him. "So this is simply me, asking you, for your time and effort and passion…" He grasped Peter's shoulder. Peter tensed. "The only reward you'll need is seeing this brilliant play come to fruition."

 

Peter really needed a job that paid. But…

 

"I do like Faustus," he said, looking down at the flyer still in his hand. He shrugged, giving in, but also to get Costa's hand off of his shoulder. "Yeah, okay. I can help out. I don't have any real experience, but…"

 

"I'm sure you'll be a wonderful addition to our cast and crew!" Costa exclaimed. "There's no experience required. The only qualification is that you be as passionate about this production as I am, and you give it your all."

 

Peter doubted anyone could be as passionate as Costa, but he nodded anyway. "Yeah, totally. Totally passionate. I'm in."

 

Costa pointed to the flyer in Peter's hand. "You take that," he told him. "And you call me. And I will tell you when to come here again."

 

"Cool." Peter folded the flyer up into a square so he could tuck it safely away into the pocket of his jeans. "I'll do that."

 

Over Costa's shoulder, Peter spotted Balthazar making his way out of the crowd; guitar in one hand, cup of tea in the other. Balthazar didn't see him though, too busy listening to whatever Tanya was saying.

 

"I'm going to go back to my friends, but I'll call you," Peter said. He clapped Costa on the shoulder as he passed by him.

 

When he got bit closer, Balthazar looked over and noticed him. Peter smiled as their eyes met, and smiled even bigger as Balthazar did the same.

 

"You met Costa?" Balthazar asked in greeting, noticing Costa still lingering in the background by the bulletin board.

 

"I did," Peter confirmed.

 

"He's something else, yeah?" Balthazar asked.

 

Peter laughed. "Yeah… and I think I just agreed to work with him."

 

Balthazar furrowed his brow, confused. "Explain that to me later. I have like ten minutes before I go on."

 

"Okay, well, I'll leave you to do whatever you do," Peter said. "I'll go find the others. I wanna get our seats so we don't miss you."

 

Balthazar nodded. Peter wanted to kiss him as he said goodbye, but he didn't. Instead he squeezed his arm, smiling at him before moving past him and towards the dressing room.

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar's set wasn't the length of a usual concert. He only performed about eight songs, but each one of those songs was beautiful and well worth the ticket to the show. Not that Peter had paid, but if he _had_ paid, it would have been worth it.

 

Hearing his songs after everything only made Peter analyze them more. Back in Bea's basement, Balthazar had said he'd wanted to kiss Peter forever. It wouldn't be too far out to assume he was the one Balthazar was referring to when he sang _'you were the one that got away'_ , would it?

 

And what about the one about being sixteen? He knew he'd heard that song before. Not in it's entirety, but he'd heard Balthazar playing that exact melody on his bedroom floor before. But maybe it was about Damien. Or maybe the actual lyrics had been written right after meeting Fred… or maybe it was about Peter.

 

It was entirely possible, and even seemed likely now. Yet Peter was still doubting. He knew he could get away with asking, and he already had a million ways to do it running through his mind. But he knew he wouldn't. If the answer was no, none of his songs were about Peter, then that would hurt. If they _were_ … well, did it even matter?

 

Peter didn't let himself linger on those thoughts, and instead focused on how incredibly talented Balthazar was.

 

Peter always found it strange how out of his group of friends, _he_ was the one people had thought so highly of. It was a surprise to everyone when the first person to make it out of their town wasn't him, but Balthazar Jones - well, it was a surprise to everyone except Peter.

 

The thing was, everyone knew Balthazar was talented. No one ever doubted that. But it felt like Peter was the only one who saw all the potential he had to be amazing. Everyone supported Balthazar, and showed up to most of his gigs, but Peter was the one who pushed him to sign up for those gigs in the first place. And who filmed and uploaded all of his Youtube videos.

 

Balthazar, once, had credited Peter for his entire career. That was clearly an exaggeration and completely untrue, but Balthazar had sworn it. "You've helped me in ways you don't even know, Pedro," had been Balthazar's exact words. Peter hadn't even thought about Balthazar getting noticed by anyone important when he started filming his songs. He just wanted other people to see how talented his best friend was.

 

He didn't regret that, even if it did come back to bite him in the ass a little when Balthazar did get noticed someone important, then got signed, then left Peter behind. That didn't change his opinions on Balthazar's music. He was still supremely proud of him.

 

_I've been lonely lately,_

_Too cold to go outside,_

_But I'm still woken by the drunken cries out in the night,_

_I should be with them really,_

_But this weathers got me feeling blue,_

_As my lips and fingertips,_

_I'll admit I miss my crew._

_What'll I do?_

 

Despite the serious tone of the song, that didn't stop Ben from letting out a loud cheer at that. "That's us!" he shouted. "We're the crew!"

 

Seeing as how the crowd, though not silent, was considerably quieter during that song, and that they were front row, Balthazar heard Ben. He continued to sing, but it was obvious he was trying not to laugh as he nodded at Ben.

 

"Shut up," Peter said, giving Ben's shoulder a nudge with his own, but he was laughing, too. It was hard to be anything but in a good mood.

 

Throughout the night, Balthazar would catch Peter's eye as he sang and each time, Peter would catch himself feeling giddy. The crowd was filled with boys and girls alike, all of them staring at Balthazar like he had hung the moon. Some of them had started crying when they saw him. Peter understood that.

 

Balthazar was like a proper rockstar now. He wasn't much different on stage than in his normal life. Still soft and sweet, and sometimes Peter could catch a hint of nervousness on his face, but that never lasted long. (When they were fifteen, Balthazar told him once that his biggest fear was being on stage and forgetting the lyrics. Was that still true?)

 

Overall, he seemed so much more confident on stage, like he was just so much more comfortable playing his guitar and singing than he was doing anything else. Peter knew that was probably true.

 

"I'm gonna do one more song," Balthazar announced. Everyone screamed. Some seemed happy that it wasn't over yet, some seemed sad that it almost was. Peter understood that, too. "It's called An Ode…"

 

Peter's eyes widened, in surprise and in fear. Balthazar, who'd been watching him, burst into laughter.

 

"No, it's not," he continued. Peter let out a sigh of relief. That fucker. "This is New Beginning."

 

Balthazar started playing, but the mischievous grin was still on his face. When he looked down, meeting Peter's eyes again, Peter shook his head at him.

 

"Would you shit yourself if he played An Ode in front of all these people?" Ben leaned in to whisper to him.

 

"You have no idea," Peter replied, his heart still racing at the mere thought of Balthazar singing that song in front of a crowd this big.

 

When they were sixteen, just a few months before Balthazar left, he had written a song called An Ode. It was a complete joke, that included lyrics such as -

 

_'Would he look good next to you? Would his hand fit in yours? I bet it would.'_

 

_'I reckon he will find someone. I've got no idea who it will out of everyone.'_

 

_'There's just not enough Pedro to go around.'_

 

It had been funny at the time, even a little flattering (okay, a lot flattering). And it still was now. Peter wasn't someone who was too easily embarrassed, but he wasn't sure he could handle being serenaded with An Ode in the middle of a concert.

 

That little grin never left Balthazar's face, and Peter's smile didn't fade either. His eyes never left Balthazar, and he could tell Balthazar was trying is best not to stare right back at him.

 

Peter hadn't felt so alive in months. 

 

_Potentially_

_This could be_

_A new beginning_

_For you and me_

 

* * *

 

Immediately following the gig, Peter, his friends and Balthazar's family went backstage again. Balthazar went right for his family, which aside from his siblings and parents consisted mostly of older people, so he talked to them for a minute before saying goodbye so they could get home. Rosa hung back for a minute, and Peter patiently waited until Balthazar finished talking to her, hugged her and then said goodbye.

 

Once he'd joined Peter and the others again, everyone began telling him how amazing he'd been. And then there was Peter. "You're a little shit," Peter told Balthazar, referring to the 'Ode' joke.

 

"I wasn't gonna do it," Balthazar promised, laughing, halfheartedly swatting away Peter's hands that were poking at his stomach. He wasn't doing a good job at making it seem like he actually wanted Peter to stop touching him.

 

"I don't believe you," Peter said. He ceased his poking attack and instead, slid his arm around Balth's waist.

 

All of their friends glanced at the two of them with their sides pressed together, and subtly (at least they _thought_ it was subtly) made faces at one another, but no one said anything. Peter hadn't talked to Hero or Claudio about Balthazar at all, but he knew that they were aware that something was happening there. Beatrice had probably told Hero, who had then told Claudio. Or maybe Ben had told them. It just as likely Meg had told them both about catching them.

 

Honestly, all of their friends were gossips. Peter just knew that everyone was well informed on the situation, even if they weren't saying anything about it. Which was fine. It wasn't like the two of them were trying to hide it - clearly.

 

"What are we doing now?" Claudio asked. "You don't have anything else to do, right?"

 

"I'm gonna talk to Tanya for a sec and see, but yeah, I think I'm good to go in a minute," Balthazar said. "Does a late dinner out sound good? I didn't eat much before the gig. Nervous stomach."

 

Everyone nodded, the entire group jumping on board with that plan.

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, as it went from night to late night, the group of seven exited the restaurant they'd stopped at. They all stood together in a circle outside of the building, trying to decide what to do next. Peter was tired, but it was a pleasant sleepiness. Balthazar was leaning against his shoulder. He was warm and it felt nice.

 

"It's getting quite late," Hero said. "I hate to be the first to leave, but I think I'm going to head home to bed… Claud?"

 

Her boyfriend nodded at her. "Yeah, same. Balth, man, you killed it tonight."

 

"Oh, thanks," Balthazar said, looking genuinely happy that Claudio thought he did well. "I'm really glad you both came."

 

Balthazar hugged both Hero and Claudio goodbye, then they said their goodbyes to everyone else before Claudio took Hero's hand and the two of them walked off towards Claudio's car.

 

"Anyone else leaving the party?" Meg asked.

 

Peter looked at Balthazar. He was fine staying or going, as long as Balthazar was with him.

 

"Depends," Balthazar said. "Where's this party stopping next?"

 

Meg shrugged. "Drinks?" she suggested.

 

"I will never turn down a drink," Peter said.

 

Meg grinned. "Perfect, so it's settled."

 

* * *

 

 

They went to one of their town's nicer clubs. ("Only the best for our Balthy," Meg had said.) The first thing Peter did upon arriving was buy Balthazar a drink.

 

"Shouldn't I be the one buying you drinks?" Balthazar asked. He'd protested at first, but he looked pretty happy as he sat down at the bar next to Peter.

 

Peter scoffed in mock offense. "Why? Because you're the only one of us with a job?"

 

"No… well, yeah?" Balthazar answered cautiously. "Wait, no. You said you were working with that Costa guy now? How did that even happen? You were with him for like, two minutes."

 

Peter shrugged. "I wouldn't say it's a _job_ job. There's no pay."

 

"So I _am_ the only one of us with a job," Balthazar said. Peter stuck his tongue out at him. "You are the pinnacle of maturity. So sexy."

 

"Thanks, I know."

 

"Okay, go back though," Balthazar said. "How did he talk you into working for him with no pay?"

 

"I dunno…" Peter answered, because he was honestly still not sure what had happened in that conversation. "He just seemed really passionate about the play, and I mean, I like Faustus. It'll give me something to do."

 

"What'll you be doing?" Balthazar asked as the bartender sat their drinks down in front of them.

 

Peter picked his glass up, taking a sip. "I'm not sure. I'm gonna call him tomorrow and find out."

 

"Are you acting in it?"

 

"He did say I'd make a wonderful addition to the cast and crew…" Peter remembered. "I think I'm just gonna help out behind the scenes though."

 

"You could act," Balthazar said, and Peter was shocked at how confident he seemed making that statement considering Peter had never acted before.

 

"You think?" he asked.

 

"Why not?" Balthazar challenged. "You have great stage presence. You're great with giving speeches and stuff."

 

Peter laughed. "Not that same thing as acting."

 

Balthazar shrugged. "No, I know. But you could be good. I can see you doing theater, acting or otherwise."

 

Peter smiled. He still wasn't even sure about getting involved at all, but Balthazar's confidence in him helped. It also made him nervous.

 

The last time people expected so much of him, he let everyone down. He didn't want to do that again. Especially not to Balthazar.

 

"We'll see," Peter murmured, taking another drink.

 

* * *

 

 

Things were okay for a couple of hours, but then Peter and Balthazar got separated. Ben had forced the two of them onto the dance floor. They both went willingly, downing the last of their drinks before following their friend into the crowd of people.

 

They clung to each other at first. Their hands didn't leave each other's bodies as they danced. Even when Peter had an arm wrapped around Meg's shoulders, he kept the other attached to Balthazar. But then Ben grabbed him, excited about the song that was playing, and then Peter was laughing and dancing with him.

 

One minute, Balthazar was right there at his side with Beatrice wrapped around him, then the next, he was gone. Beatrice was still there, dancing with Meg. Peter touched her arm to get her attention, then leaned in so she could hear him over the music.

 

"Where'd Balth go off to?" he shouted.

 

Beatrice looked to her other side, where Balthazar had previously been, then back at Peter. "I don't know."

 

"Thanks a lot," Peter huffed.

 

"What?" Beatrice shouted.

 

Peter waved her off, and she went back to Meg. Peter looked around them, but couldn't spot Balthazar anywhere. Balthazar had never been a huge fan of parties, so maybe he'd gotten out of the crowd and went back to the bar or outside.

 

He began pushing through the crowd, looking for him. He was nearly out of the mess of people when he spotted him at the bar.

 

He wasn't alone.

 

Something in Peter's stomach twisted and he felt sick and he felt angry, irrationally so, because he had to remind himself: Balthazar wasn't his boyfriend. He didn't know what he was, but it wasn't that.

 

If Balthazar wanted to chat up a cute guy at the bar, he could. Peter shouldn't interrupt that. He was about to turn and go back to Ben, Meg and Bea when Balthazar saw him.

 

Did he look relieved to see him? Was Peter imagining that?

 

Did he look uncomfortable as the guy inched closer? Was Peter only seeing what he wanted to see?

 

Maybe, but it was enough to get him to keep walking towards them.

 

He put his hand on Balth's shoulder. "Hey," he said, his eyes trained on the guy. He took a step back at the sight of Peter. "You making friends, Balth?"

 

Balth didn't say anything, just laughed awkwardly, that little laugh he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable. Maybe Peter hadn't been seeing things.

 

"Sorry," the guy said, taking yet another step backwards.

 

 _Good,_ Peter thought. _Keep walking._

 

"I didn't know he was spoken for," the guy said.

 

Peter dropped his hand from Balthazar's shoulder. (He didn't notice Balthazar's face drop, too.) On one hand, he was pleased that apparently they looked like a couple. He'd always thought they looked cute together. But on the other hand…

 

They weren't a couple. He didn't know how to say that without 1) letting that guy think he still had a chance, and 2) starting an awkward conversation with Balthazar. So he just didn't.

 

"Just don't think he's interested, man," Peter said, hoping that was enough. Thankfully, it seemed to be, because the guy gave Balthazar one last hopeful look before making his exit.

 

Peter watched until he was out of sight, then took the guy's spot at the bar next to Balthazar.

 

"Was he a creep?" he asked.

 

"He was fine," Balthazar said, but Peter noticed how he was instantly more relaxed now that it was just the two of them. "Very flirty though."

 

There was that irrational jealousy again. "Yeah? You alright?"

 

Balthazar smiled at Peter. "I'm alright."

 

"Good… You wanna get out of here?"

 

"Yes, please."

 

* * *

 

 

They found the others again, letting them know they were taking off. Ben, the designated driver for the night, offered to give them a ride home, but they took a cab instead.

 

"Where to?" the driver asked as they got inside.

 

Peter and Balthazar looked at each other.

 

It was late. They were both tired. So if they were to go home, alone, that would be understandable. But that wasn't what Peter wanted.

 

"My house is kind of full of people right now…" Balthazar said.

 

Oh. What did that mean? Was he telling Peter that because there were people at his place, he was going to go home alone? Was that him finding an excuse to not be alone with Peter? Or…

 

"So we should probably go to yours, yeah?"

 

Peter grinned. "Yeah."

 

* * *

 

 

"Shhh," Peter said, bringing a finger to his lips as he shut his front door behind him and Balthazar. "Everyone's asleep."

 

"Don't shush me, I wasn't talking," Balthazar said, playfully kicking Peter's leg. "Shhhh, yourself."

 

"Shhhh," Peter said again, just because Balthazar told him not to. Balthazar reached a hand out - to swat at him, to grab at him, to grab for something else, Peter didn't know what, because before he could do anything, Peter caught Balth's hand in his own.

 

He grabbed hold of his other hand to before he backed Balthazar up against the door, returning to the position they'd been in back at the theater before Balth's gig started. Peter had been itching to kiss him again all night, but hadn't had the chance. Now he had an opportunity, and he wasn't going to waste it. 

 

Balthazar pulled his hands from Peter's grasp, but he was immediately touching him again. This time, his hands were on Peter's chest, his fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt and pulling him closer as they kissed.

 

Balth slid his hands up to Peter's shoulders and Peter closed the gap between them, pressing his body against Balthazar's. Peter liked how nicely their bodies lined up together. Balthazar had always been a bit shorter than him, even as kids before they were done growing. Peter liked how small he was, he thought it was cute. Everything about Balthazar was cute.

 

It hadn't occurred to him until they were about fifteen though, that Balthazar was really hot. He'd always wanted to hug and cuddle and kiss Balthazar (and he'd gotten away with doing two of those three things when they were friends), but then those desires escalated into more… _mature_ things, to put it gently.

 

So it might have taken him some time to realize just how hot his best friend was, but it was crystal clear to Peter now. As they made out, and Peter could feel Balthazar against his thigh, could hear his soft moans as Peter sucked a new mark onto his neck.

 

Peter couldn't even think straight, all he could think about was how Balthazar felt, how he tasted, how he sounded. How he needed _more_ of him. He went to undo the button of Balthazar's jeans.

 

"Wait…" Balthazar stopped him, his hand falling to Peter's wrist.

 

Peter froze. "Shit, sorry."

 

Balthazar let out a breathless laugh. "No," he said. "I mean, we should probably go to your room."

 

Peter wasn't even thinking any actual thoughts in his mind. It was just like a series of exclamation points in his head. Fuck, he couldn't believe this was happening.

 

"Right," he agreed, taking a step back from Balth. "Probably shouldn't do this in my living room."

 

"Probably not," Balthazar shook his head, and there was a teasing glint in his eyes that led Peter to believe it was obvious just how worked up he was. Peter didn't even care. He knew Balthazar felt the same - he'd been able to feel that.

 

They were kissing again within seconds. Peter was trying to do that thing he saw in all the movies, where the couple would kiss and grab at each other as they made their way through the house because they just could not keep their hands to themselves.

 

Yeah, that was harder than it seemed in movies.

 

They got to Peter's hallway, and then Peter hit the wall and knocked a picture frame down. It hit the floor with a loud smack, and Peter and Balthazar both froze. Peter bit his lip, trying not to laugh. Balthazar covered his mouth, trying to do the same.

 

A light flicked on, and they both saw it under John's door. A second later, he appeared in his doorway, looking half asleep and unamused.

 

"Hello, Balthazar," John deadpanned. He looked at his brother. "Peter."

 

They both waved awkwardly. "Hi," Balthazar whispered. "Sorry, John."

 

"Yeah, sorry, John," Peter repeated, his apology sounding less sincere as he held back a laugh.

 

"Are you staying the night?" John asked, looking at Balthazar.

 

"Yeah, I am," Peter replied. John didn't laugh, but Balthazar wiped his mouth to hide his smile.

 

"Yes, I am," Balthazar nodded.

 

Peter beamed. Good. Not that Balthazar seemed like the type to sneak out the morning after, the confirmation was nice to hear.

 

"Alright then," John said. "Goodnight."

 

"'Night, bro," Peter called after him. "Sorry, again."

 

John's expression had been emotionless since he opened his door, but as he glanced at Peter one last time before shutting it, Peter caught something resembling worry. Maybe even judgement. His head was too fuzzy to tell.

 

Once the door was shut, Peter laughed. Balthazar, who looked guilty for having disturbed John, tried to quiet Peter's laughter by bringing his hand up to cover Peter's mouth. Peter was oddly into that - but he still didn't like being silenced, so he licked Balthazar's hand. Balthazar yanked his hand away, pressing his lips together to stop his own laughter.

 

Peter grabbed Balthazar's hand and tugged him the few feet to Peter's bedroom. He shut the door behind them and was tempted to press Balthazar against the wall again, because he'd been quiet happy like that. But Balthazar had other ideas. Better ideas, actually. He was sitting down on the bed.

 

Peter joined him, crawling up the bed and up Balthazar's body. Balthazar had laid like this in Peter's bed like dozens of times before - okay not exactly like this. But in a similar way. Head resting on Peter's pillow, stretched out in his bed whenever he'd stay the night. They'd whisper about their friends and school and movies and music and whatever random things came into their minds, and Peter would feel ashamed whenever he thought about good Balthazar looked in his bed, and how badly he wanted to move forward and touch him.

 

Now it was actually happening, and Balthazar had undone Peter's pants and slid his hand into them, rubbing him through his underwear.

 

Out in the living room, Peter had been fine. He'd known that this was where they'd end up and had been actively trying to hurry things along, but now that it was actually about to happen, it was all so much. Balthazar was under him, in his bed, with his hand down his pants. Peter hadn't been this nervous about having sex since his first time.

 

He knew what he was doing this time, having had sex multiple times since that first time when he was fifteen years old. It was funny, he'd had a stupidly big crush on Balthazar then, too.

 

As frustrating as it was, realizing that hey, maybe his first time could have actually been with Balthazar, he was almost glad in a weird way that it hadn't been. Now he was experienced, he knew what he was doing. Now he could actually make this good for the both of them instead of being a clumsy, awkward, unsure mess that came within a minute.

 

Well, he _hoped_ he did better this time.

 

"Hey…" Balthazar whispered, his hand freezing where it was. Peter resisted the urge to grind against it. "Did you lock your door?"

 

"No, why?" Peter questioned. "No one's gonna come in."

 

"I dunno, I'm just cautious because the last time we got this far, our friends burst in and caught us," Balthazar said. "I keep worrying that Ben's gonna storm in."

 

Peter groaned, burying his face in Balth's shoulder. "Did you really have to mention Ben while your hand is on my dick?"

 

"It doesn't appear to be a boner killer," Balthazar teased. "Is there something you need to talk about regarding Ben?"

 

"These implications are really offensive," Peter breathed, rolling off of Balthazar. "If I lock the door will you never say his name again?"

 

"Like, ever?" Balthazar asked.

 

"That could be a fun game," Peter said, getting up and crossing the room to his door. "But, no. Just while we're in bed."

 

Balthazar thought for a moment. "When we're having sex in bed, or just in bed in general?"

 

Peter locked the door and turned back to Balthazar, trying hard not to laugh. "You're being difficult."

 

"Yeah," Balthazar chuckled.

 

Peter pushed his jeans to his feet, kicking them off, then pulled his shirt off next. Balthazar's expression turned more serious after that. Peter raised his eyebrows, challenging him. In response, Balthazar pulled an imaginary zipper across his mouth. No more mentioning of Ben.

 

Peter got back onto the bed, positioning himself in between Balthazar's legs so he could undo his pants and pull them off. As Peter did that, Balthazar sat up and stripped himself off his shirt. Balthazar had been nearly shirtless back at the party, and Peter had been able to touch then, but that had just felt like a teaser. Now that he had Balthazar in front of him with no one barging in on them, he had a chance to do more.

 

His lips trailed up Balth's body, his waist, his stomach, his chest, his throat, then back down again. His teeth grazed a spot just below his belly button and Balthazar let out a soft gasp. He looked up at him, not stopping kissing, and he felt wrecked just looking at him.

 

Fuck. Balthazar was goddamn masterpiece, Peter was sure of it. He felt honored just to be seeing him like this. Disheveled hair, red cheeks, his breathing heavy, his body begging for more touch that Peter would happily provide him.

 

He moved lower, mouthing at Balthazar through his boxers. Balthazar moaned, sounding relieved for the friction. Peter resisted the urge to reach down and get himself off, knowing he easily could just by listening to Balthazar moan like that. Every noise of that boy's mouth was breathtaking.

 

He pulled back, and Balthazar made a soft, whiny noise at the back of his throat that Peter had to smile at. He tugged down Balthazar's boxers, and then took him into his hand. There was no hesitation before he sucked his head into his mouth. Balth's hips twitched upwards as he moaned, and Peter dug his fingers into Balthazar's sides, keeping him still. One of Balth's hands fell on top of his, his fingers pressing hard into Peter's.

 

No more than a few minutes had passed when Balthazar breathed out, "Oh God, how little will you think of me if I come very, very soon?" He already sounded like he was trying to stop himself from doing so.

 

Considering that Peter felt like he would come the second he got some friction, he was no in place to judge.

 

Peter didn't pull off, just sucked harder in response. It was only a few more seconds until Balthazar was coming, moaning Peter's name. As Peter pulled off, he smirked, crawling up to kiss Balth hard on the mouth. "Shhhh," he told him.

 

Balth seemed to think he was kidding at first, because of the shushing from earlier in the night, but then he realized there actually were sleeping people in that house. "Oops," he said, not sounding apologetic at all, as he propped himself up on his elbows so he could lean up and press his lips to Peter's again.

 

"Knees," Balthazar said simply. It was all he needed to stay, before Peter was rising to his knees in front of Balthazar, as Balthazar sat up, reaching forward to wrap his hand around Peter's cock.

 

"Fuck," Peter moaned, his head falling back at the contact. With his eyes closed, the sudden feeling of Balthazar's mouth around him came as a surprise, and _fuck_. He really wasn't going to last long at all.

 

He buried his hands in Balthazar's hair and tried to focus on not jerking his hips forward, and on not coming in less than sixty seconds…

 

To his credit, he did last for over a minute. But, barely.

 

As Balthazar pulled off, Peter collapsed on the bed beside him. "Jesus Christ," he murmured as he tried to catch his breath. He rubbed his eyes and when he opened them, Balthazar was laying there, smiling at him.

 

That Lizzie McGuire song played in the back of Peter's mind. _Hey now, hey now, this is what dreams are made of…_

 

"You're really fucking beautiful," Peter said, not able to take his eyes off of Balthazar.

 

He couldn't tell if Balthazar was blushing, or if his face was just still red from hooking up. Balthazar didn't say anything, just leaned forward and kissed Peter. Unlike their other kisses, which had been heated and hungry and all felt like they were leading to something, this one was softer. Sweeter.

 

It felt like how Peter had always imagined a Balthazar kiss.

 

They were kissing just to kiss, gently and lazily. Balthazar's hand was on Peter's face, and his touch felt so delicate, like maybe he could break Peter. Peter figured he probably could. Maybe gentle was smart.

 

Though he'd been burning up just moments ago, now that he'd cooled down, he felt the chill of the room. He broke the kiss, albeit hesitantly to pull the blanket out from under them so they could get under it.

 

They laid there facing each other, and Peter didn't know what to say, but he didn't feel like he had to say anything. It was a comfortable, peaceful silence. That kind that really only came late at night like this.

 

"It is okay if I stay the night, right?" Balthazar whispered after a moment.

 

"'Course," Peter assured him. "If you want to?"

 

Balthazar smiled. "Of course I do."

 

Peter smiled back at him, and leaned in for another kiss. This one not as drawn out as the others, just sweet and chaste. A goodnight kiss.

 

Balthazar rolled over onto his other side, his back to Peter. Peter considered rolling over, too, because he was more comfortable that way, but then Balthazar looked over his shoulder at him as he stretched an arm back to try and grab at Peter. Peter smiled and scooted closer, kissing Balth on the shoulder as he wrapped his arm around his waist.

 

That was pretty comfortable, too.

 

* * *

 

 

**22nd of December**

 

Waking up to Balthazar was probably the best possible way to wake up. Even the grumpiest of people would probably smile at the sight of a sleepy, cute Balthazar in their bed in the mornings. Peter didn't know who woke up first, all he knew was that when he opened his eyes, Balthazar was rolling onto his side, slowly opening his own eyes and giving Peter a lazy, sweet smile.

 

"Early," Balthazar grumbled, turning his head so he could bury his face into his pillow.

 

Peter could hear birds chirping loudly outside of his window. He didn't know exactly what time it was, and he had no idea where his phone was to check, but it felt early.

 

"Yeah," Peter muttered his agreement. "Morning."

 

Balthazar smiled at him again. "Morning."

 

Peter rubbed at his eyes, trying to rub the sleep from them. Everything was still blurry, and he wanted to see Balthazar more clearly.

 

"What are you doing today?" Peter asked. His arm snaked underneath the blanket, finding Balthazar's waist so he could wrap his arm around him.

 

"This," Balthazar answered, moving closer to Peter so he could nuzzle his face against his neck and drape his arm across his stomach.

 

"Good idea," Peter sighed happily. He kissed the top of Balthazar's head. Honestly, Peter couldn't think of any better way to spend the day than cuddled up with Balth in bed. He could happily spend the rest of Balthazar's time home that way.

 

Balthazar hummed in response, and then went silent again. After a few minutes, Peter could feel Balthazar's breathing even out.

 

"Balth?" he whispered. No answer.

 

The birds outside were still trying to sing them awake, but if Balthazar was sleeping again, then so was Peter.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter was woken up again by the sound of someone trying to break into his room. The disturbance had woken up Balthazar as well. Someone was outside his bedroom door, turning the doorknob and trying to open locked door.

 

"Oh no, it's Ben," Balthazar whispered, still cuddled up against Peter's side. Peter, still groggy from sleep, let out a small laugh.

 

"Hey, I thought you promised no mention of him in bed," Peter reminded him.

 

"You never clarified if that was in general or only during sex," Balth pointed out.

 

Peter sat up, making Balthazar do the same, and rolled out of the bed. He found his boxers and pulled them on, nearly tripping over them as he tried to put them on as he walked towards the door. He heard Balthazar snickering behind him.

 

"Yeah?" Peter asked as he opened the door to see John standing there. "Why are you my wake up call so often lately?"

 

"Because it's past noon and I wanted to make sure you two were alive," he said, though he didn't actually sound too concerned.

 

"We're alive," Peter told him. "Sleepy, but alive."

 

John glanced over Peter's shoulder at Balthazar. Peter looked behind him as well, to see Balthazar nestled underneath all the blankets. It was obvious he was trying to hide his naked body from John, with the way everything was covered from his chin down. He gave John a friendly smile.

 

Peter was so smitten.

 

"Mum and dad are both working late again tonight," John told Peter. "Mum left money for lunch and dinner. I'm ordering lunch now. You coming down?"

 

The idea of leaving the bed did not appeal to Peter. Lunch did though.

 

"Yeah, in a minute," Peter nodded. "What are you ordering?"

 

"Pizza."

 

"Get one with just extra cheese."

 

"You don't like plain cheese."

 

"No, but…" Peter pointed a thumb behind him, to the boy hiding beneath his blankets.

 

John nodded. "Got it."

 

"Thanks, bro," Peter said as John turned to leave. Peter shut the door behind him. Balthazar was still peaking out at him from behind the mountain of covers. "You're very cute."

 

Balthazar smiled, pushing the blankets down a little. "I didn't want your brother to know anything."

 

Peter laughed, looking at the mess of clothes on his bedroom floor. "I think he knew, Balthy," he said.

 

"Whatever," Balth shook his head. "At least it wasn't Ben."

 

"Okay, let's discuss the Ben thing," Peter said as he joined Balthazar in the bed again. "No saying his name while either of us are naked."

 

Balthazar nodded. "That's fair."

 

* * *

 

Peter and Balthazar took their time getting downstairs, and Peter just took his time getting ready in general. He laid in bed, watching as Balthazar got dressed. That was mostly his own laziness, but partially because he just liked watching Balth. He didn't make much progress towards getting dressed until he heard the doorbell ring.

 

"Food," Balthazar announced. He poked Peter in the arm. "Come on, sleepyhead."

 

Peter whined, grabbing Balth's hand. "Go get pizza and then bring it back here. Let's just stay in bed forever."

 

Balthazar leaned down to kiss Peter, making Peter think he was actually going to crawl back into bed with him, but just as quick as he was kissing Peter, he was pulling away. Peter whined again.

 

"I'll go get pizza," Balthazar said.

 

"Yay."

 

"But I'm gonna eat it downstairs with your brother."

 

Peter scoffed. "Traitor!" he shouted after Balthazar as he opened the bedroom door and stepped outside.

 

The door shut behind him and Peter was left alone. Well, now he had no choice but to get up.

 

He sat up, yawning. He grabbed a fresh t-shirt from his closet and pulled it on, but he figured his jeans from the night before were good enough. As he picked them up off the ground, everything came falling out of his pockets and onto the floor. Well, there was his phone. He bent over to pick it up. Along with his phone was his keys, his wallet, and a folded up piece of paper.

 

Peter didn't remember what it was until he unfolded it and saw the words 'help wanted'. Oh, yeah. He'd been meant to call that Costa guy.

 

He was already making Balthazar and John wait on him. What was five more minutes?

 

Once he'd pulled his jeans on, he sat back down on the edge of his bed and dialed the number on the flyer.

 

Someone answered right away.

 

"Costa McClure here."

 

"Hey, Costa," Peter said. "Um, this is Peter Donaldson. We met last night, at the Balthazar Jones gig. You told me to call you…"

 

Costa gasped. "And I am so glad you did! Listen, Peter, we have a rehearsal tonight. Can you make it?"

 

Peter had wanted to spend the day with Balthazar, but saying no to Costa probably wouldn't be the best way to start things off. "What time?" he asked.

 

"Six thirty," Costa told him. "You'll be here for a few hours and I think tonight will be a wonderful time for you to come. The entire cast and crew will be here. You can get a real taste of what's in store for you here."

 

"Sure," Peter agreed. "What'll I be doing, exactly?"

 

"You can do anything your heart desires, Peter."

 

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Um, alright… I mean, I can help with sets and props and stuff…"

 

"That'd be fantastic," Costa said, sounding genuinely pleased with Peter.

 

"Okay, awesome," Peter said. "So, uh, I'll see you later."

 

"You will see me later. Farewell, Peter."

 

Peter hung up the phone then, setting both it and the flyer on his nightstand before exiting his room.

 

John and Balthazar were on the couch when he entered the living room, three pizza boxes spread out on the coffee table in front of them. He fell onto the couch in the empty spot in between the two boys. It felt just like old times, hanging out with his best friend and his brother. Though it wasn't always willingly, John just happened to be in the same room trying to eat or watch TV.

 

But, their relationship was much better now. This felt like John was actually there because he wanted to be.

 

"Why does it take you twenty minutes to put on jeans and a shirt?" Balthazar asked as Peter pulled a slice of pizza from one of the boxes.

 

"I called that Costa dude," he explained. "Wants me to come to a rehearsal tonight."

 

"Rehearsal?" John asked. "Have you joined a band?"

 

"He's joined a play," Balthazar explained.

 

"You can't act," John stated.

 

He'd never tried to act, so John was probably right, but he was still offended. And he wasn't the only one.

 

"Hey," Balthazar said, leaning forward to look at John past Peter. "He could act."

 

"Thank you, Balthazar," Peter said. He turned to John, looking smug because he had someone on his side. "But, I'm not acting. Doing crew, I think. He really isn't telling me what I'll be doing exactly. I'm just gonna show up and see what happens."

 

"What time?" Balthazar asked. "I have to go home and say goodbye to some people before dinner. Like, six-ish."

 

"Perfect timing," Peter said. "Rehearsal's at six thirty."

 

"Um," John spoke up. "Before either of you go anywhere, you're going to help me with that, right?"

 

Peter furrowed his brow, not knowing what John was talking about. John nodded to the corner of the living room, and when Peter turned to look, there was a tree.

 

"Where did that come from?" he asked.

 

"Dad lugged it in last night when he got home from work," John explained.

 

"It was in here last night?" Peter asked. "Huh. Didn't notice."

 

Balthazar ducked his head to hide his smirk. Peter still saw it. He bumped Balthazar's knee with his own.

 

"They told me to decorate it," John continued. "But I really have no interest in doing it, let alone doing it alone."

 

"I'll help," Balthazar said. "I love decorating for Christmas. But, please tell me how it's already the twenty second and you're just now putting up a tree?"

 

Peter shrugged. It wasn't like they weren't a festive bunch. They celebrated Christmas, they just didn't start celebrating until closer to the day. Why did people start decorating in November? Peter didn't see the point of that, and neither did anyone in the Donaldson family.

 

"Just a little late to the party, I guess," Peter said.

 

Balthazar shook his head, looking more judgmental than Peter had ever seen him. "I can't believe your lack of Christmas spirit."

 

"You gonna show us the light today, then?" Peter asked.

 

"Definitely. You're gonna be as festive and as jolly as possible by the end of the day," Balthazar promised.

 

Peter laughed. John only grunted in response.

 

* * *

 

 

After the boys had eaten, Peter and Balthazar made a quick trip to the shop for tree decorations because apparently, the box of ornaments they had in the basement simply wasn't enough. They bought tinsel, lights, and, among other things, a can of fake spray on snow that Peter was particularly excited about.

 

When they returned home, it was time for them to get to work. Except only two of them were doing the work. John stayed on the couch, watching them and shouting instructions every so often.

 

"The tinsel's just going to go everywhere," he said as Peter opened the package of it. "Whose idea was the tinsel?"

 

"It was mine," Balthazar said. "And it was a great idea. But, it doesn't go on until later." He took the package from Peter's hands, setting it back on the ground among the pile of other decorations. "We start with lights!"

 

Peter had let Balthazar decide on most of the decorations, because he was indifferent about most of them. So Balthazar had chosen the color of lights they got. They'd gone for a string of multi colored lights, which Peter highly approved of. He liked a lot of color.

 

"Can I wrap you up in these?" Peter asked as they strung the lights around the tree. "I think that'd be beautiful."

 

Balthazar laughed. "Wrap me in lights, cover me in tinsel…"

 

"Spray some snow on you."

 

"I'll be a human Christmas tree."

 

"We'll hang some ornaments from your ears," Peter added. "How sweet would that be?"

 

"We'll see what we have leftover after this and then we'll talk," Balthazar said. Peter was going to hold him to that.

 

At the shop, they hadn't bought many ornaments because the Donaldsons had a box of them already. And they were mostly old, handmade ones from the kids, and a few that had been passed down. Purely sentimental stuff. They hung those first, to make sure they got them up.

 

"Is this you?" Balthazar asked as he examined an ornament.

 

Peter moved closer so he could look at it. On the ornament, there was a baby photo of a little Peter in nothing but a diaper and a pair of reindeer antlers, looking terribly unhappy.

 

"Nope," he denied, going back to the tree.

 

Balthazar grinned. "Yeah it is. You look so pissed off… but still, you were cute."

 

"Were?" Peter repeated, offended.

 

Balthazar shrugged. "Still are."

 

Peter smiled, stepping closer again so he could kiss Balthazar. Before either of them could get too carried away, John cleared his throat. They broke away, Balthazar looking apologetic while Peter just turned around to glare at his brother.

 

As Balthazar hung the baby Peter ornament on the tree, Peter grabbed the package of tinsel. "Can we do this now?" he asked.

 

They'd hung up all the important ornaments, and they were evenly distributed onto the tree. It looked all set.

 

"Go for it, babe," Balthazar said casually as he dug around the shopping bag for the other package of tinsel.

 

Peter wasn't even sure Balthazar knew what he said, maybe it'd just slipped out, but Peter was having a hard time ignoring it.

 

 _Babe_. Balth had called him 'babe'. He wasn't going to say anything if Balthazar was being so casual about it, but wow, he wasn't going to be able to stop thinking about that for the rest of the day.

 

"Okay, here we go," he said, taking a handful of the tinsel out and throwing it onto the tree.

 

"Boooo," John heckled from the couch. "Don't just throw clumps on."

 

"Here," Balthazar said, reaching into the bag in his own hands. "Leave it to the professionals, Pete."

 

Peter took offense to that. "You don't think I can use the tinsel?"

 

He took another handful of it, but this time he didn't throw it on the tree. It went onto Balthazar's head.

 

Balthazar stood there for a moment, looking unamused by this move. But then, he smiled, shaking his head and watching the tinsel fall. He didn't say a word before taking the tinsel that he'd been holding and throwing it at Peter.

 

Peter didn't know what he'd expected after throwing the first handful, but it hadn't been this - him and Balthazar chasing each other around the living room, throwing the shiny foil at each other.

 

"I'm sorry!" Peter shouted.

 

"No, you're not!"

 

Balthazar was right. He wasn't sorry. But when Balthazar literally had him backed into a corner and was dumping the entire bag of tinsel over his head, he'd say whatever he had to.

 

"Balthy, let me live," he begged, but Balthazar only grabbed Peter's bag and proceeded to dump that over him as well. Once he was out of tinsel, only then did he take a step back.

 

Peter glared at him, not moving from the corner. It felt safe to keep a good distance.

 

"You're vicious," Peter said, shaking his head. "I never would have expected that from you."

 

Balthazar shrugged. "You started it."

 

Peter couldn't argue with that, so he moved on. He pointed a finger accusingly at John, who hadn't budged from the couch. "You could have helped me."

 

John just shook his head. "No."

 

Balthazar laughed, extending a hand to Peter. Peter took it hesitantly, letting Balth help him up. "Come on, let's pluck some tinsel off of you and put it on the tree."

 

"We should probably pluck some off the floor…" Peter said, looking around the room, which had been covered in the stuff.

 

"I told you it'd go everywhere…" John sighed.

 

Balthazar pointed at Peter. "His fault."

 

Peter yanked his hand away. "Be on my side, please."

 

"Always," Balthazar said, giving him a smile before grabbing hold of his hand again, pulling him back towards the tree.

 

They gathered some of the stray tinsel and Peter let Balthazar place it on the tree. He had to admit, Balthazar did a much better job than he did.

 

"Snow?" Balthazar asked, holding out his hand. Peter passed the can over.

 

Balthazar shook the can, then turned to John. "You wanna do the honors?" he asked.

 

Somewhat reluctantly, John got up and came over to the tree. He took the can, shook it again, then began spraying the fake snow onto the tree and on the skirt around the bottom.

 

"Look at that!" Peter exclaimed. "Now it feels like Christmas."

 

"It didn't feel like Christmas before?" Balthazar questioned.

 

"Not really… I guess, because of all the movies and stuff, when I think of Christmas I think of stuff like snow," he said, gesturing towards the snow on the tree. "Well, snow and like, cold in general. And drinking hot chocolate, cuddling in front of fireplaces. Can't really do that here right now. You'd die from the heat."

 

"Yeah," Balthazar nodded his agreement. "I think the most festive I've ever felt was right before coming back here, I was in London for a bit. They were already in the Christmas spirit even though it was just December. But there were lights everywhere, and it was cold. Which I liked, I like the colder weather."

 

"Ew."

 

Balthazar ignored that and continued. "I wore a lot of scarves. I actually did cuddle in front of a fireplace. I mean, it was with Tanya's dog, but." He shrugged. "Still very lovely."

 

Peter hummed. "Yeah, I think a scarf would make me feel quite festive as well."

 

"Some snow and a scarf would be all it took?" Balthazar asked. "You're easy."

 

Peter winked.

 

"It looks pretty good," John said as he stepped back, giving the tree a once-over. "Nice work, Balthazar."

 

"Thank you very much," Balthazar smiled.

 

"Um, I helped," Peter said, staring at John.

 

"You started a tinsel fight," John responded, then to Balthazar he said, "Thanks for doing this so I didn't have to."

 

Balthazar laughed. "Yeah, 'course. I love Christmas."

 

John pointed to the baby Peter ornament. "You know, there's a whole photo album of embarrassing photos like that of him. Have you even seen them?"

 

"No, but I would love to."

 

Peter groaned.

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar had seen a lot of photos of Peter over their years of friendship. He'd seen every photo they had framed and hanging up around the Donaldson house. He'd seen every awkwardly posed school photo ages twelve to sixteen. He himself had taken a few less than perfect photos of Peter.

 

But, if Peter had ever been able to control it, Balthazar would never see a bad photo of him. Not back then, when he was hoping Balthazar could see him as more than a friend. And not now, when he was trying to keep him as more than a friend.

 

Would Balthazar still want to kiss him if he was reminded of the mullet? Peter could only hope.

 

"Remember, all babies are ugly so don't judge me too hard," Peter said as Balthazar opened the first photo album up. John had helped Peter dig the photo albums out of the basement, and then left Peter and Balthazar alone on the couch to go through them.

 

"What?" Balthazar asked, laughing. "Babies aren't ugly."

 

Peter furrowed his brow, confused. "Okay…"

 

Balthazar shook his head, smiling to himself, as he flipped through the pages. He pointed at a photo of Peter, only a few months old, sitting in what appeared to be an oversized Easter egg.

 

"Why does your family insist on posing you in these holiday photos?" he asked. "I've never seen a more angry child in my life."

 

Peter laughed, embarrassed, covering his face with his hand. "Please turn the page. Jesus…"

 

Balthazar went page by page, not commenting on every photo, but Peter could tell he was taking the time to look at each of them. Not every photo was of Peter, there were a lot of his dad, his step-mum and John. There were a ton of photos of a white cat that Peter had absolutely no memory of, but it was cute.

 

"You know what I wanna see?" Balthazar said once they'd reached the end of the first album.

 

"I'm afraid to ask…"

 

"Photos from when we met," he said. He pointed to the collection of photo albums on the coffee table. "Which is the pre-teen photo album?"

 

"I don't wanna say…" Peter murmured before reluctantly grabbing it. He passed it over to Balthazar. "Remember, you were my friend during this hard time. You chose to be around me. You cannot judge me without indirectly judging yourself and your own choices."

 

"Okay, calm down," Balthazar laughed. "I'm not going to judge you, Pete."

 

Balth turned to the first page, and the first thing he did was snort at a photo of Peter and his mullet.

 

"Hey!" Peter shouted. "What did you say?"

 

"I'm sorry, but I'd forgotten what you looked like…" Balthazar said, still giggling to himself. "You were cute! You were, I promise."

 

Peter sunk into the couch, frowning. He didn't believe him.

 

"Oh, wow, look at Ben," Balthazar said. "He looks so different. You all do."

 

Peter sat up again to look at the photo Balthazar was talking about. It was a photo of Peter, Beatrice, Hero and Ben when they were twelve, sitting in the yard outside of Ben's house. They all did look a lot different.

 

"We all have much better hair," Peter said.

 

Balthazar laughed. "Very true. Especially you."

 

Peter nudged Balth's shoulder with his own, but that only made Balth laugh more.

 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I promise, I did like your mullet. I thought it was cool."

 

"That's a fucking lie."

 

"I swear," Balthazar said. "I thought everything about you was cool. Why do you think I wanted to be your friend so bad?"

 

Peter had no idea that Balthazar had wanted to be his friend. They'd always been in class together, but didn't really become great friends until they were thirteen and Balthazar invited Peter to his birthday party. He'd thought all the kids in their class had been invited, but had Balthazar specifically wanted him there? That was a nice thought.

 

"I mean, look at you," Balthazar pointed out another photo, this one just of Peter, who was thirteen and making a funny face at the camera as he posed in front of school.

 

"Yeah, let's look at this kid," Peter sighed. "So full of life, and self confidence. Had the world at his fingertips. No idea he was about to disappoint everyone."

 

"Hey…" Balthazar said, his voice soft. Peter could hear the concern in it. Shit. He shouldn't have said anything. Even if he tried to play it off as self deprecating humor, Balth could see right through it. "You haven't disappointed anyone."

 

Peter tried to shrug it off. He didn't know why he said any of that. He shouldn't have. "I have, but, whatever."

 

"No, don't whatever me," Balth said. The strictness of his tone made Peter tense. "What are you talking about?"

 

Peter gestured towards the photo again. "Pedro Donaldson… You said it yourself, you thought I was cool. You thought highly of me. Everyone did. Everyone expected so much from this kid, there was no way he could live up to those expectations. I ended up just dropping out of uni, surprising and disappointing everyone."

 

"I didn't expect things from you… " Balthazar started. "I mean, I just knew you were capable of doing literally anything you wanted to do. That's still true."

 

"Couldn't be a footballer, couldn't be a politician, couldn't be a lawyer, couldn't even be a damn uni student…"

 

"Yeah, Pete, you didn't _want_ to be any of those things. Other people wanted those things for you."

 

Balthazar wasn't wrong. Peter had wanted to be successful, sure, and he wanted to please his parents and his teachers. But, he had no desire to be any of those particular things. He was still looking for the thing he wanted to do, and he'd been beating himself up because he hadn't found it yet. He felt a little lost… but that didn't define him, or say anything about him as a person.

 

"Pete?" Balthazar said, when Peter didn't say anything. "Hey… I don't want you thinking badly of yourself, or that you're a failure or something."

 

"I don't." He did though… just a little.

 

"You shouldn't."

 

Peter nodded, giving Balthazar a soft, thankful smile. "You're good people, Balthazar."

 

Balthazar didn't say anything, just stared back at Peter. His eyes were scanning Peter's face, like he was trying to get an exact read on his expression. He looked too concerned, and it was unsettling, so Peter closed his eyes and kissed him.

 

Balthazar's hand that came to rest on Peter's face was gentle, and the way he caressed his cheek with his thumb nearly made Peter melt.

 

He meant what he'd said about Balthazar being good. He was _so_ good. Probably a better person than Peter deserved in his life.

 

"You're good, too, Peter," Balthazar whispered, still so close that his lips were brushing against Peter's as he spoke. "You are."

 

Balthazar sounded so confident as he said that, and Peter could try all he wanted to convince himself Balthazar was just saying that because he thought Peter needed to hear it. But, he could tell he meant it. Besides, Balthazar had never been anything but genuine. Peter'd always liked that about him.

 

"Okay," he said, smiling before kissing Balthazar again, just a peck. "You know, uh, I think you're in here…"

 

"Huh?"

 

Peter sat up straighter, pulling the photo album out of Balthazar's lap and into his own. He skipped a few pages until he was close to the end of it, but eventually there he was. "Look," he said. "Year nine. Me and you, bro."

 

It was a pretty simple photo, not set during any special event or anything. It was just him and Balthazar, sitting on the floor of Peter's bedroom. Balthazar was holding a ukulele and Peter was sitting there beside him, sticking his tongue out at the camera, or whoever was behind the camera. He didn't remember.

 

"I used to make you serenade me with that thing," Peter recalled.

 

"I don't think you _made_ me," Balthazar said. "I think I was a willing participant in those serenades."

 

Balthazar pointed at a photo just below the one of them, which was of Peter in year eight in a particularly horrendous outfit. "This was a bold choice…" he teased. Peter pinched his thigh.

 

"What if you woke up, and it was the first day of year eight again, and all of this had been a dream?" Peter mused, really just trying to change the subject.

 

"What?" Balthazar asked, cracking a smile. "I dunno… What would you do?"

 

"I'd literally set myself on fire," Peter deadpanned. Balthazar burst into a fit of giggles.

 

"Bit dramatic there, Pete?"

 

"Hell no. Year eight was awful. I was twelve and awkward and had a goddamn mullet that I thought made me a style icon."

 

Balthazar was still giggling as Peter spoke. "Yet you were still the most popular kid in our year."

 

"Shockingly," Peter said. "Still, no fucking way would I relive any of that. I'd either light myself on fire or just do literally everything differently."

 

"We became friends in year nine though," Balthazar said, his face softening a bit, his voice turning more serious. "If you did things differently, that might not happen."

 

Peter rolled his head to the side so he could meet Balthazar's eyes. "Nah, don't worry," he said, his own voice going softer. "I'd make sure to find you no matter what."

 

This time it was Balthazar who leaned in for the kiss, and Peter could feel him smiling into it. Peter was so in love with him… God, how was he going to just let this go when Balthazar left?

 

No. _No,_ he scolded himself. He wasn't going to think about the future. He wasn't going to think about the end. He had to live in the now, because in the now, he had Balthazar beside him, kissing him, smiling against his lips. Why would he want to be anything but present?

 

"What would you do?" Peter asked once they'd separated. "If you woke up and were twelve again?"

 

"I'd love to go back to being this young…" Balthazar answered. "I'd probably do a lot of things differently, too."

 

"Like not befriend the kid with the mullet?" Peter joked.

 

"No, that's the one thing I wouldn't change."

 

"What would you change?"

 

Balthazar shrugged. He was quiet for a moment. Peter could tell he already knew what he wanted to say, he just wasn't saying it.

 

"Balth?" he pushed, gently.

 

"Probably wouldn't have taken that deal," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper.

 

"Your deal with the label?"

 

Balth nodded. Whoa. Peter was taken aback by that. He thought Balthazar loved what he did? Music was literally his entire life. He remembered how nervous and excited he'd been when he first signed said deal. What had changed that? When had it stopped being exciting?

 

"I kind of… hate this?" Balthazar said. Peter heard the question mark at the end of his statement, and he knew that Balthazar didn't completely hate it. It didn't seem like 'hate' was the word he wanted to use.

 

"You hate making music?"

 

Balthazar shook his head. "No, no. I'll always love that. I love writing. I love recording and performing, and doing all that stuff. It's mostly just…"

 

He'd been avoiding Peter's eyes, looking something resembling ashamed as he stared at his hands, but he finally met his gaze.

 

"Remember when I told you I came to your window because you felt like home?" he asked. Peter nodded. "Isn't it sad that my own house didn't feel like home?"

 

Peter felt an overwhelming urge to surge forward and just wrap himself around Balthazar, to hold him and protect him. He resisted that urge, but it wasn't easy.

 

"I mean, I did feel better after I saw you," Balth went on. "And I feel a lot better in general right now. But, the fact that I walked into the house I grew up in and felt so out of place…" He trailed off.

 

For as long as he's known Balthazar, Peter's known him to be hesitant about speaking up about his own feelings. So because of that, he was sure of two things. One, he was probably the first person Balthazar was saying this to. And two, it was probably really hard for him.

 

"You were gone a long time," Peter commented, encouraging Balthazar to continue, letting him know that he was listening.

 

"Exactly," Balthazar sighed. "I left home, I felt homesick. Never felt at home anywhere I was. Not in Los Angeles, not in London, not with… other people. Then I finally get to come home, and I still feel homesick. I feel like a stranger here now."

 

In a way, Peter felt like he could relate to that. Balthazar and him had both left Auckland, for very different reasons and for varying lengths of time, but they'd both returned feeling like different people. Peter couldn't say he felt homesick though. He had his childhood home, his parents, his brother, his friends. He still felt safe there.

 

Maybe that was where they differed. Peter felt too comfortable. Balthazar didn't feel comfortable at all.

 

"The thing is, I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again," Balthazar said. "But as soon as I'm settled and happy here… I'm leaving. Four days until I'm out of here."

 

Peter didn't want to think about that.

 

"Sorry if I sound ungrateful," Balthazar murmured, adverting his gaze again.

 

"Hey, no…" Peter said, reaching out to put his hand on top of Balthazar's, curling his fingers around his. "You're allowed to talk about your problems, Balthazar. You're allowed to _have_ problems. It doesn't make you seem ungrateful."

 

"People would kill for this opportunity and I'm complaining because I'm not home enough." Balth shook his head at himself.

 

"That's a good reason to complain, if you ask me," Peter told him.

 

Balthazar shrugged, still not looking convinced. "I miss all of this… that's all. Making music for a living is my dream, but I'm pretty sure I'd drop it all and come back here if that was possible. Maybe go to uni or something."

 

"I'd definitely go back to uni if you were there," Peter half-joked.

 

"Are you ever going back?" Balthazar asked. If anyone else was asking, Peter would get defensive and snappy. But Balthazar's tone didn't sound pushy or judgmental. Just curious.

 

"Probably not," he answered honestly. "I kind of hated it."

 

"That's fair," Balthazar said.

 

Peter didn't like that Balthazar was trying to change the subject and get the attention off of himself, because he knew he had more to say. He could see it on Balth's face that there was more. But he didn't want to push too hard. He wanted Balthazar to open up at his own pace.

 

"Hey…" Peter said. "You can do whatever you want. I think if you drop your music, you might regret it. But, what do I know? I think you should do whatever would make you happy."

 

"Being here makes me happy."

 

"Stay here for awhile then," Peter said, lifting his arm so that Balthazar could fall against his side. He took the photo album from their laps and tossed it to the floor. "Get that shit outta here… C'mere."

 

Balthazar easily fit against Peter so that they could lay on the couch together. Balthazar was half beside Peter, half on top of him, but neither of them seemed to mind much at all. Balthazar's head was on Peter's chest, and Peter took advantage of the positioning to place a kiss on the top of Balthazar's head.

 

A few minutes passed in silence, and Peter thought Balthazar had fallen asleep on him. He stretched his fingertips out so he could pull on the blanket that was hung on the back of the couch. Once he tugged it down, he spread it out over the two of them.

 

"I'm not gonna drop my career," Balthazar said suddenly. It would have spooked Peter a little if Balth's voice wasn't so quiet. He sounded like he nearly was asleep. "But I can't stay away this much anymore… You're gonna make it impossible to."

 

Peter hoped Balthazar couldn't feel it when his heart started to race even harder. Peter hadn't even thought about the possibility of seeing Balthazar again after this. In all the time since Balth had been gone, this was the first time they were seeing each other again. It was easy for Peter to think that once he was gone again, that would be it. It'd be easy to never see him again, and that would probably be the case.

 

He never imagined Balthazar would make an effort to see him. He hadn't before. But maybe now…

 

No.

 

John was still right - Peter would never say that out loud. Long distance didn't work for the two of them. Not as friends, not as lovers. There was no way it would. He had to remember that this was only temporary, no matter what him or Balthazar said or did that could lead him to believe otherwise. Getting his hopes up would only be naive.

 

"What do you mean?" Peter asked, because he had to. He had to know what was going on in Balthazar's head.

 

No response.

 

"Balthazar?" he said, his voice a bit louder this time.

 

Balthazar was already asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter had laid there in silence for a moment, just running his fingers through Balthazar's hair to keep him at ease as he slept. He didn't know when he'd fallen asleep himself, just that he was eventually woken up by Balthazar moving around the living room.

 

"You sneaking out on me?" Peter asked through a yawn as he sat up, stretching his arms over his head.

 

Balthazar sat back down on the end of the couch. He was pulling on his shoes. "I was gonna wake you," he said. "I didn't mean for us to fall asleep. I have to go for dinner."

 

"Oh, shit," he said, looking around for his phone. "I have to go to the theater."

 

"You're not late, don't worry," Balthazar assured him. He grabbed something off the coffee table and handed it to Peter. His phone. Peter took it, smiling his thanks. "I am, though. It's almost six."

 

"Let me run upstairs and get my keys, and I'll give you a ride home on my way," Peter said, pushing the blanket off of him and getting to his feet.

 

"You don't have to do that," Balthazar said. "The theater's like, ten minutes away. You'll be early."

 

Peter shrugged, already walking in the direction of his room. "I'll make a good first impression."

 

Being early and actively trying to make good first impressions weren't things Peter regularly did. But he wanted to drive Balth home, so he'd make this time an exception.

 

John's light was on in his room as Peter passed, so he knocked on it as he walked by. By the time he went into his room, put his keys and wallet into his pockets, put on his shoes, and exited the room again, John was standing in the doorway in his room.

 

"Did you just ding dong ditch me?" he asked.

 

"Technically no, I knocked," Peter said, coming to a stop in front of his brother. "You don't have a doorbell to ring. And I wasn't ditching you, I was just telling you I'm headed off to that rehearsal."

 

"Oh, alright," John said. He stared at Peter expectantly. "Is that all?"

 

Peter thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. That's all."

 

John looked like he was about to shut his door, but then, "Is Balthazar staying the night again?"

 

"Um…"

 

Peter wasn't entirely sure. He knew Balthazar was just going home to say goodbye to the family that was leaving that night. Would he be coming back over? It probably wasn't good, Peter realized, to assume he just would be. It probably wasn't good for Peter to get so used to them being attached at the hip either, or for him to start getting clingy.

 

But if Balthazar wanted to be around him, too, how could he say no?

 

"Not sure," Peter replied. "Why, did that annoy you?"

 

"No, I like Balthazar," John said. "Just want to make sure you know what you're doing with this. Do you?"

 

 _No._ "Yeah, 'course."

 

He was surprised at how convincing he sounded when he was lying through his teeth.

 

"Right," John said. He still looked skeptical, but Peter didn't care. "Text me if plans change, I guess."

 

"Will do."

 

John shut his bedroom door, Peter double-checked that he had everything, and then he was off.

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar played Christmas music on the way to his house. It was less than a five minute drive though, so they didn't get to listen to much. Peter had never been a huge fan of Christmas music, but he liked it when Balthazar was sitting next to him and singing along. The music was on just low enough that Peter could hear Balthazar over it.

 

"Sorry, can you hear it over me?" Balthazar asked, midway through the first song. He reached out to turn the volume up, but Peter stopped him.

 

"Yeah, it's fine," he lied. He'd much rather listen to Balth.

 

His mini personal concert ended too soon, as Peter pulled to a stop in front of the Jones house. The lights were all on inside, and Peter could see the tree on display through the big window in their living room. He could also see movement inside. Some older woman he'd never seen or met before passed by, with someone Peter guessed was Rosa trailing behind her.

 

"You wanna come in?" Balthazar asked, looking cautiously hopeful. "For a second? You can say hi to everyone… You didn't really get to talk to Rosa much at the gig, or anyone else for that matter."

 

It was a tempting offer. He looked at the time on his dash. He could make it to the theater in ten minutes. If he spent no more than five minutes inside, he'd get there on time…

 

"I don't want you to be late though," Balthazar added.

 

Peter wanted to go inside, but he knew he'd probably end up staying way longer than he should. He'd always been fond of the Jones family, and he hoped that feeling was mutual. He'd want to hang out and catch up with them properly.

 

"Yeah, I probably will be if I go in," Peter sighed. "I wish I could on."

 

"The house will be pretty chill tomorrow," Balthazar said. "The extended family's all going to see my other aunt for Christmas, so they're leaving tonight. The twins have some party thing to go to, and I think my mum and dad have work. It'll just be me, Rosa and Jojo."

 

"Are you inviting me over?" Peter asked, just for confirmation.

 

"I am," Balthazar nodded, smiling. "If you want."

 

"I want," Peter answered eagerly.

 

"Good."

 

Balthazar unbuckled his seat belt before pushing open the car door. He had one foot on the ground before Peter stopped him.

 

"Hey… I think you forgot something," he said.

 

Balthazar turned to Peter, looking at him, then around the car. "What? I think I have -"

 

When he looked back up at Peter, Peter moved forward, kissing him. Peter could feel him trying not to smile so he could properly kiss him back.

 

"Yeah, suppose I did forget something pretty important," Balthazar said once they'd separated.

 

Peter nodded. "Told you."

 

Balthazar laughed breathlessly before kissing Peter again. Peter knew that once Balthazar left, he'd have a huge problem trying to deal with the lack of kissing in his life. (Specifically, the lack of kissing from Balthazar.)

 

That was another thing, along with Balth in general, Peter knew he shouldn't get attached to. But he had gone so long without kissing Balthazar, that now he was just trying to make up for all that lost time. Each kiss simultaneously eased and excited him, a weird combination that he knew only Balthazar could be responsible for. Kissing him wasn't something Peter ever wanted to stop doing. So as long as Balthazar felt the same, and it appeared he did, Peter had no plans on cutting down on the kissing.

 

"Hey," Balthazar started, his voice that quiet, hesitant tone from before. "Um, since you're gonna come over tomorrow anyway, maybe you should just… stay the night."

 

Peter didn't even have to consider it. "Yes. I'll do that."

 

Balthazar's face lit up with a smile. He didn't try to hide it, or tone it down at all, which made Peter happy. "Cool," he said.

 

"Cool," Peter repeated. "I'll come by after this rehearsal's over."

 

"If it's late, just text me and I'll come let you in," Balth instructed. Peter nodded. Balthazar smiled again as he glanced at Peter's lips. Peter took the hint and leaned in, kissing Balthazar again. This kiss wasn't as lingering now that Peter had been reminded of his rehearsal, he knew he had to go.

 

"I'll text you," he said as he pulled away, and Balthazar stepped out of the car.

 

"Have fun with Costa," Balthazar said before shutting the car door. He waved before walking up his yard, into his house. Peter waited until he was inside before driving away.

 

* * *

 

Even with the make out session in the car that put him a few minutes behind schedule, Peter made it to the theater on time. Or he thought he had. When he walked inside, things were already chaotic and Peter could only assume rehearsal had begun.

 

Or, Costa's cast was just as outgoing and wild as he seemed. That was a logical theory.

 

He walked towards the stage quietly, not wanting to interrupt them if things had begun. As he approached the stage, Costa spotted him.

 

"Everyone!" he shouted. There was still a hum of voices and noise on the stage, but for the most part, everyone turned to look at Costa, who was standing center stage. "This is Peter Donaldson!"

 

He pointed down at Peter, who waved awkwardly. "Hello," he said.

 

"Peter has so generously offered his time and efforts to assist this play," Costa continued. "Everyone please take a moment to introduce yourselves and welcome him to our production. He's one of us now."

 

That sounded slightly cult-y, but Peter didn't dwell on that.

 

"Peter," Costa went on, speaking only to Peter now despite that he was still yelling above everyone and hadn't moved any closer. He pointed to the other side of the stage. "Do you see that girl right there? The angel?"

 

Peter did, in fact, see a girl dressed up as an angel in a long white dress complete with fluffy white angel wings.

 

"Go to her," Costa instructed. "She'll guide you."

 

Before he could ask any questions, Costa had turned his back to him and was speaking with another young man. Okay then.

 

He hopped up onto the stage and crossed it, making his way to the angel. She was mid-conversation with another girl, who Peter noticed was holding a pair of angel wings herself. They both stopped talking as they noticed him approaching.

 

"Um, I think you're supposed to… guide me?" he said to the angel in white. "I don't know what that means, exactly, but…"

 

The angel smiled, big and bright up at him. "I'd be happy to guide you!"

 

"I wouldn't," the other girl said. "I have to go talk to Costa, who wants to give me _another_ role. I know the cast is small, but Jesus…" She sighed, frustrated, but then she gave Peter a friendly, albeit forced smile. "I'm Paige, by the way. Welcome."

 

"Thanks," Peter said. "I'm Peter."

 

"Word of advice, Peter," Paige added. "If Costa tries to cast you, _run_. You'll end up with four roles and a million lines to learn."

 

"Unless you want four roles," the angel piped up. "Then feel free to say yes."

 

Paige shook her head. "I'm gonna go drag him away from Kel and talk to him. Wish me luck."

 

Paige gave the angel a kiss on the cheek, then passed by Peter on her way across the stage.

 

"The cast and crew is a very small group," the angel reiterated. "That's why I'm doing both. I'm a good angel, and I'm doing a lot of behind the scenes work. Which is why Costa probably told you to ask for my guidance."

 

The group did appear to be small, but he hadn't thought anything of it until they said anything. All the shows he'd been behind the scenes for had had a relatively small cast and crew as well, but that's because there weren't many characters in the play itself.

 

"I guess that's why he seemed so desperate to get me to agree to this," Peter realized. "You don't think he's gonna try and force me to act in it, do you? I mean, the show's starting in the new year, right? Surely it's too late…"

 

The angel shrugged. "You never know with him. This entire process has been… a unique experience."

 

"Should be fun," Peter murmured, looking behind him as people ran around, pulling things onto stage, and people stood off to the side with scripts in their hands. And then Paige, who looked like she wasn't having any luck with Costa.

 

"I promise it will be," the angel said. "I'm Chelsey, by the way."

 

She extended her hand, and Peter accepted it. "Nice to meet you, Chelsey, my literal guardian angel."

 

Chelsey giggled at that. "That is me. Now come on. I'll show you what you can do."

 

* * *

 

Peter spent the next few hours painting sets, googling different things on his phone from Costa (at one point, he googled 'where to find realistic but cheap swords', which confused him because there were no swords in Faustus, but he just went with it), talking to Chelsey who was sat next to him for most of the time studying her lines (except she did more talking than studying), and just observing everyone around him.

 

Chelsey had been right. It was fun. All he did was sit on the outside of things and watch, but a rehearsal with Costa was interesting, to say the lease. Peter didn't have a lot of directors to compare him to, but he felt safe saying that Costa and his methods were very different. He'd even steal Chelsey's word and call him unique, because that was really the best way to describe him.

 

Peter liked it though. He liked watching all the madness on the stage. He liked watching the actors practice their performances. He liked listening as Chelsey and Paige ran lines next to him. Even if he himself didn't do much, and ended up with his hands stained with red and black paint, it was good.

 

"You happy you came?" Chelsey asked him after rehearsal, as her, Paige and Peter walked together to the bathrooms. Peter needed to get some of the paint off of him.

 

"Yeah, I am," Peter answered easily. "This was a good idea."

 

"Did Costa corner you and cast you?" Paige asked.

 

"Not yet."

 

Actually, Peter hadn't talked to Costa much at all. Only when Costa shouted out for someone to look things up for him and Peter responded, and a couple times when Costa asked how he was doing.

 

"Do you even act?" Paige asked. "It's good if you don't. You can use that as you say no."

 

"No…" Peter started to answer. "I mean, I haven't before. But I don't have much experience helping behind the scenes either and he wouldn't take no for an answer." They reached the bathrooms and he nodded towards the boy's room door. "Help."

 

He didn't want to grab the doorknob and make it look like some kind of crime scene had happened there by leaving a red handprint. Chelsey pushed the door open for him.

 

Before the girls disappeared into the other bathroom, Chelsey said, "Don't let Paige convince you otherwise if you want to act. You never know, you could love it!"

 

* * *

 

 

After leaving the theater, Peter drove straight to Balth's. As he got there, he saw that all the lights had been turned off inside the house. Even the Christmas tree was no longer lit up. It wasn't that late, only quarter 'till ten, but the house appeared quiet.

 

Peter pulled out his phone to send two texts. The first was to John, telling him he wouldn't be coming home. He got a reply quickly. Just a short _'ok, goodnight'_ from his brother. The next text was to Balthazar.

 

 _'let me in please'_ he sent. Once the message went through, he hopped out of his car, trying not to slam his car door as he shut it.

 

As Peter reached the front door, Balthazar was already there, opening it. Based on how quickly he was at the door, Peter would have assumed Balthazar had been waiting up for him, if his appearance didn't suggest the opposite. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants and fuzzy socks. He was rubbing at his tired eyes, and his hair was sticking up in every which way.

 

"Did I wake you up?" Peter asked as he stepped inside.

 

"Kinda," Balthazar answered, his voice already rough and deep from his brief sleep. He shut the door and shut out all the light from the street lamps and the moon, and in the dark, Peter could hear him turning the lock.

 

"I'm sorry," Peter said. "You should have texted me and told me not to come. You didn't have to wait for me."

 

"No, no, it's okay. I wanted you here."

 

In the darkness, Peter felt Balthazar's hand bump against his clumsily. Peter grabbed hold of it.

 

"Bed?" Peter asked. He could just make out Balthazar nodding in response before he tugged on Peter's hand, guiding him up the stairs and down a hallway to his bedroom.

 

Maybe Balthazar hadn't felt immediately at home there, but Peter sure did. The second they stepped into Balth's room and Balth flicked the light on, Peter was flooded with old memories and a feeling of comfort. The room was completely unchanged. The same bed, the same sets of blankets and sheets, the same instruments all along the walls and floor. It looked just a bit emptier. The closet was open and Peter could see that it was bare, since Balth had taken all his clothes with him when he left. The desk wasn't as cluttered with his stuff either. But primarily, it was all the same.

 

Peter smiled to himself. It was nice to be back there.

 

"Turn that off," he told Balth, nodding towards the light switch. "You wanna sleep."

 

"I wanna hear about your rehearsal experience," Balthazar said as he stifled a yawn.

 

Peter sat down on the bed and started to take his shoes off. "It was good," he said.

 

"Vague."

 

"It was _really_ good," Peter added. Balthazar didn't look impressed, and he gave in, switching the light back off.

 

Balthazar climbed into the bed, resuming what Peter assumed was his previous position, curled up under the covers. Once Peter had taken his jeans off and set all of his things on Balth's nightstand, he crawled into the bed behind him, kissing the back of his neck as he wrapped his arm around him. Balthazar's hand found his, and he held onto it.

 

"Rehearsal was fun," Peter whispered. "Met some cool girls."

 

"Should I be jealous?" Balthazar mumbled.

 

That was a loaded question. They weren't actually together, were they? Did Balthazar have the right to be jealous? Peter had been jealous at the club, but he felt like he shouldn't have been. Him and Balthazar were temporary. Was jealousy normal in temporary relationships like this? Balthazar knew it was temporary, right?

 

"They're dating each other," Peter told him, instead of giving that question anymore thought. "Paige and Chelsey."

 

"That's cool," Balthazar said. "How was Costa?"

 

"Fun to watch," Peter said. "He's ordering swords."

 

"For Faustus?"

 

"There aren't any swords in Faustus, but… I think so?" Peter had never actually asked him what they were for, but he assumed they were for the play the way Costa was talking about him. He'd already learned not to question Costa.

 

"They're really desperate for people," Peter went on. "They're making everyone double up on roles and jobs and everything. Paige already has a bunch of roles. She thinks he's gonna try to give me a role, too."

 

"Do you want a role?"

 

Peter shrugged, then realized Balthazar couldn't see him. "Maybe? I mean, I've never tried it before. I'm not opposed."

 

"You were always good at giving speeches and stuff," Balth said. "Even when you were talking about stuff I know you didn't care about, you had me convinced you did. You made me care."

 

"Thanks, Balth…"

 

"I think you could do it."

 

"Maybe. It might be fun."

 

"So, you should do it," Balth encouraged. "It's about time you found some sort of job, or path or whatever that you actually like. You used to put so much pressure on yourself. You need to do something just because you want to."

 

Peter thought about that. It was nice how after all this time, Balthazar was still the one person who understood Peter better than anyone else. He always had the right thing to say, and Peter never took that for granted.

 

"I'll call Costa tomorrow," Peter decided.

 

"Good." Peter could hear the smile in Balth's voice.

 

There was silence for a couple of moments before Peter said, "I think you'd like Paige and Chelsey. Chelsey was assigned by Costa to be my guardian angel of sorts. She had wings and everything."

 

Balthazar chuckled. "Amazing. Why did she have wings? Is that just her personal fashion choice, or?"

 

"She's playing an angel in the play," Peter explained. "Though she did wear them the entire time and no one else was in costume, so who knows?"

 

"I see the appeal in dressing like an angel," Balthazar said. "You get to dress in all white, that'd look cool. You get big wings, and a halo."

 

"You'd look _heavenly,_ " Peter said, smiling to himself as he waited for a reaction.

 

Balthazar shook his head. "No," he whispered.

 

Peter sat up so that he could lean over and look at Balthazar as he spoke. "That was funny, Balthazar," he said defensively.

 

Balthazar just shook his head again, smiling up at him. "Go to bed, nerd" he said.

 

"So mean," Peter muttered in mock offense, but he didn't stay "mad" for long. Before he laid back down, he pecked Balth on the lips.

 

He wiggled around for a few seconds before he got comfortable, nuzzling his nose against the back of Balthazar's neck. He thought Balthazar would fall asleep instantly once they were both still and silent, but a few moments passed before Peter felt Balthazar's fingers running along his.

 

He thought he was going to entangle their fingers and hold his hand, but he didn't. He was just playing with his fingers, every now and then running his fingertips up and down the back of Peter's hand. Peter smiled, and he hoped Balth could feel it against his neck. In case he couldn't, Peter placed a soft kiss there.

 

"Glad you're here, Pete," Balthazar whispered. Peter almost didn't hear him. His voice was soft, and he sounded far away, like he was already drifting off to sleep. "Really glad."

 

"Me, too," Peter said. And he really was. Whether Balth meant he was glad he was there that night, or if he meant in general, he was just glad to have Peter around. Peter agreed. He was really glad to be there.

 

* * *

 

 

**23rd of December**

 

When Peter woke up, he could hear Balthazar laughing. The sound was distant, and at first, when Peter was still more than half asleep, he thought that was why it sounded so far off. But as he slowly started to come to, he realized Balthazar wasn't in the bed with him like he'd originally thought.

 

There were other voices along with Balth's that he hadn't heard at first, but now he heard them clearly. He recognized one of them instantly as Rosa. He couldn't place the other voice at the top of his head, but then he slowly remembered that Balth had said it'd just be them, Rosa and Jojo at the house. Only then did Peter realize it was Jojo, though he should have gotten it sooner. Her voice was always the loudest, rising above everyone else's.

 

Peter was never one to rush out of bed when he woke up. He usually stayed there, trying to fall back asleep and then if he couldn't, he'd just lay there on his phone until he was awake enough to face the day. But hearing Balthazar and his sisters downstairs made Peter want to hop right out of bed and go join them.

 

Before he did that, he did grab his phone to check it. Just to see if anyone had called, and if John was alright. There were no missed calls or texts from John. Only a chain of texts in the group chat that he skimmed through, but didn't bother reading the entirety of yet. It was mostly the girls chatting to Ursula about where she was and what she was doing away from everyone. He'd read it later.

 

There were a few texts from Ben. The two of them were trying to decide when to meet up and hang out for Christmas. They still had to do a gift exchange and all that. He'd reply to those later.

 

Then, there were two single texts from an unknown number. But it only took reading the first message to see who it was.

 

 _'hi it's chelsey!'_ the text began. Peter had given her his number before they went their separate ways after rehearsal the night before. He'd given it to Paige as well.

 

The text went on to read, _'are you coming to rehearsal today? paige said costa called her freaking out about needing a big rehearsal.'_

 

Peter almost wanted to roll over and whine into the pillow. No, he didn't want to go to rehearsal. The Jones family was downstairs laughing and that was what he wanted to be a part of that day.

 

Before he threw a fit over it, he read the last message and let out a sigh of relief as he did.

 

_'oops, jk! he's having private one on one sessions with the cast?? paige thinks she'll be there for hours lol but never mind. you don't come. sorry!'_

 

Well, that was close. But at least he knew he didn't have to worry about going anywhere. Now he had all day to spend with Balthazar and his sisters, and there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter almost got wacked in the head with a cookie sheet as he stepped into the kitchen.

 

"Oh shit, Donaldson!" Rosa shouted, setting the sheet down onto the counter. "Announce yourself!"

 

Peter put his hands up in defeat as he walked slowly into the kitchen, trying to get to the table where Balthazar was. "Peter Donaldson is entering the kitchen. Please do not attack me with any baking supplies."

 

He felt something hit him in the back, and he looked behind him to see Jojo, giggling with a roller pin in her hands. He gave her an unamused look, but couldn't help but laugh along with her.

 

"Hey, Jojo," he said, pulling her into a one-armed hug. He'd seen her briefly at Balth's gig, but only for long enough that they said hello and then were moving on their ways again. It was nice to get a chance to properly speak to her. "It's good to see you again."

 

"You, too," she said. "It's been too long since you've been around."

 

Peter couldn't agree more. He looked across the kitchen and met Balthazar's eyes, who was looking back at him with a hint of a smile on his face. As he looked around the rest of the kitchen, he asked, "What are you all doing?"

 

"Baking," Rosa stated. There was an unsaid 'duh' lingering at the end of that sentence. Peter felt it.

 

"Christmas cookies!" Jojo squealed. "It was my idea, since we used to bake cookies for Santa together every year. Balthy used to love it."

 

"I didn't know about this tradition," Peter said, finally making his way over to Balthazar and sitting down in the chair next to him. He let his knee bump against Balth's as he sat down, and then didn't move it away. "You like to bake for Santa?"

 

Balthazar laughed, looking a little embarrassed. "I did, yes," he admitted. "Now I just like to bake. And cook. Not so much for Santa though."

 

"We're making homemade sugar cookies, and I'm decorating them," Jojo explained. "We all have jobs that we're in charge of."

 

Peter raised an eyebrow, looking at the empty table in front of Balthazar. "What are you in charge of?"

 

Balthazar raised a fist in the air. "Encouragement."

 

This time it was Balthazar who got a gentle smack in the back of the head with the roller. "You just said you loved baking," Jojo said. "Come help."

 

"Yeah, I have to check on this batch," Rosa said, nodding towards the oven. "Finish mixing this, will you?"

 

Balthazar did what he was told, standing from the table. Peter stayed sitting. He didn't really know his way around the kitchen, and considering that he'd already been hit, and almost hit, twice since he'd been in that particular kitchen, he felt like sitting down was the safest choice.

 

At least, until Balthazar stood in front of him, hand extended to him. Peter stared at his palm, then back up at him. "What?"

 

Balth waved his hand around. "You're gonna help me."

 

"Am I? Did I sign up for this?"

 

"Come on," Balthazar said. He stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. Peter stood up. He couldn't refuse that face.

 

Jojo was in the process of icing a cookie, Rosa was checking on the cookies in the oven, so Balth and Peter were left to do the actual baking part. Balth seemed relaxed, and confident. Peter wasn't.

 

Balthazar was using an electric mixer on one bowl, and Peter had been instructed by Rosa to whisk the dry ingredients together. He poured the flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl… and then that's where he was lost.

 

"Balth…" he whispered, nudging the other boy with his elbow. He leaned in closer so only Balth could hear him. "How the fuck do I whisk?"

 

Balthazar tilted his head up to meet Peter's eyes. "Are you serious?" he asked, his voice just as quiet as Peter's.

 

Peter shrugged in response.

 

Balth's face went from mildly judgmental to amused, and he smiled as he shook his head. "You take this," he said, grabbing the whisk off of the counter and putting it in Peter's hand. "And you whisk."

 

"Okay… and how do I do that?" Peter asked. "Do I just like, stir it?"

 

"No, you _whisk_ it," Balthazar said. Peter just stared at him with wide, confused eyes. Balthazar laughed. "Let me show you."

 

Peter's goal hadn't been to get Balthazar to more or less hold his hand as he guided him in the whisking process, but he wasn't mad about how this had turned out. He was probably never going to whisk again, so he didn't pay much attention to how Balthazar was helping him do that. Instead, he just focused on Balth's hand on his.

 

"Ew, don't do that near the cookies, you two," Rosa scolded them.

 

Peter didn't know what was so gross about them holding hands and flirting by the cookies, but _fine_. Balthazar gave him a sheepish smile as he pulled his hand away and went back to what he was doing.

 

Balthazar had actually done all the whisking for him, so Peter's job was finished. Balthazar took over from there now that it was just a one person job again, and Peter snuck away back to the kitchen table. He made eye contact with Balthazar as he slowly sat back down, and Balthazar only shook his head at him, trying and failing to fight back a smile.

 

"Hey, Donaldson," Rosa called out. "Make yourself useful and help me try to find a decent movie to watch."

 

She crossed the kitchen, heading into the living room and Peter got up to follow her.

 

"I'm not watching Elf again!" Balthazar shouted after them. He heard Jojo gasp, and then their argument became background noise as Peter sat down on the couch next to Rosa. She picked up the remote control, turning on the TV and beginning to skim through the channels. There was something Christmas-themed on nearly every channel, but nothing was popping out at Peter. He understood why Rosa wanted someone's help.

 

She stopped on some Disney movie from the early 2000s, something about a stolen machine from Santa and an out of control snowstorm. Peter watched a few minutes of it before he turned to Rosa, his eyebrows raised in question because _why had she chosen this?_ He jumped, startled, when he saw that she was already looking at him, her eyes intense.

 

"What?" he asked, cautiously.

 

"Nothing…" she said, her voice casual. "Just weird. Sitting here with mullet boy."

 

He rolled his eyes, but there was no real annoyance there. "Still with the mullet boy nickname? It's been years, Rosa."

 

She shrugged. "It's how I remember you."

 

"What? Why? You saw me on a regular basis for like, three years once I changed my hair."

 

"I have fond memories of the mullet," she said. Peter didn't get how anyone could have fond memories of his mullet. "Balth used to talk about it." _Oh?_

 

"Did he really?" Peter asked, a hint of a smirk on his face. "In a nice way?"

 

Rosa nodded. "He thought it was cool, somehow. He used to go _on_ about how cool you were."

 

"What else did Balth use to say about me?" He had to know.

 

"Nothing!" Balthazar's voice cried out. Peter tilted his head back to see Balthazar coming into the room, carrying two coffee mugs.

 

Peter smirked at him, his eyes following Balth as he walked further into the room. "You used to talk about me?" he asked.

 

"I made you hot chocolate," Balthazar dodged the question, handing one of the mugs to Rosa and one to Peter and then immediately leaving the room again.

 

"Balthy, come back!" Peter shouted after him.

 

Balth didn't respond, but under a minute later him and Jojo appeared. Balth was once again carrying two mugs, and Jojo had a plate of cookies in her hand. She set them down on the coffee table. Half of them were iced with white, red and green colors and half of them were plain. They all looked delicious.

 

"There's still one more batch coming, so eat up," she instructed as she sat down in a chair beside the couch. As she sat, Balth handed her one of the mugs. She smiled appreciatively up at him.

 

Rosa and Peter both scooted over to make room for Balthazar, who slotted easily into the spot next to Peter. Balth's ankle fell over Peter's so casually that Peter didn't know if it was an accident or on purpose. Balth's shy smile as they made eye contact told Peter it was probably the latter.

 

"Oh, I forgot to put marshmallows in your cups," Balthazar said as he made the realization, looking into Peter's mug.

 

Peter crinkled his nose. "Don't worry about it."

 

Balthazar narrowed his eyes as he noticed Peter's look of distaste. "You don't like marshmallows in your hot chocolate? What's wrong with you?"

 

"They're unnecessary," he shrugged. "Hot chocolate's already sweet. You don't need the little fluffy sugar clouds."

 

On the other side of him, Jojo and Rosa snickered. "Sugar clouds," Jojo repeated in a giggle.

 

Peter took a sip of the hot chocolate, not breaking his eye contact with Balth, who was still staring him down. He almost wanted to apologize for offending Balthazar and his beloved marshmallows, but more than that, he wanted to further antagonize him. Just because. He looked cute when he was annoyed.

 

"Why are we drinking hot chocolate anyway?" he asked. "It's nearly thirty degrees outside. Fucking boiling."

 

"Yeah… but it's festive," Balthazar reasoned.

 

Peter took another slow sip before shrugging a shoulder. "Okay, I'll give you that."

 

Balthazar stared at him for another moment before cracking a smile. "You're so annoying."

 

"You think I'm annoying?"

 

"I think you're really annoying."

 

In a sing-song tone, Peter said, "That's not what I heard."

 

Balthazar took a drink from his mug, purposely busying his mouth so he didn't have to respond.

 

"You used to talk about me and how hot and cool and great I was?" Peter asked, tilting his head and smiling innocently at Balth.

 

"You're exaggerating a bit," Rosa corrected him, but Peter ignored that.

 

"You really are," Balthazar agreed. Peter ignored that, too.

 

He turned to Rosa. "Tell me what he said about me."

 

"No," Balthazar said, leaning over Peter to look at his sister.

 

Rosa stared back at both of them for a few moments before looking away, watching the TV and sipping her hot chocolate.

 

When Peter looked back at Balth, he was smiling to himself. "It's not fair she's taking your side," he said. "She's your sister."

 

"The best sister in the world," Balth said, smug.

 

Not missing a beat, Jojo sat up. "In year nine, he came home from school buzzing about how the cool boy with the hair sat by him at lunch and he wouldn't stop talking about it."

 

"Jojo!" Balth shrieked, the betrayal evident in his voice and on his face.

 

Jojo didn't look bothered. "You can't call Rosa the best sister right in front of me and not expect me to not do anything."

 

Balth shrunk down into the pillow, defeated. Peter slumped down to be at his level, their arms pressing together as he repositioned himself.

 

"Is that you called me?" Peter asked. "The cool boy with the hair?"

 

When Balth didn't respond, Peter felt kind of bad for bringing this all up. Was he really embarrassed about the things he said back then? He shouldn't be. He was just a little boy with a… Was it a crush? Had Balthazar actually had a proper crush on him? And if he had, had it started way back then? That thought caused something to stir in Peter's chest.

 

"I once referred to you as a talented little angel sent from heaven above," Peter admitted, his voice low even though he knew Rosa and Jojo were both still listening and could easily hear him. "If that makes you feel better. You can ask Ben. It was year ten. And I mean, it's still true. I'm surprised I haven't said that more."

 

"You're still a cool boy with great hair, too," Balthazar said, pressing his arm even tighter against Peter's. Peter smiled at that.

 

"I think you're a bit cooler than me now," Peter said, and Balth looked genuinely stunned by that comment.

 

"That's not true," he insisted.

 

"You're both losers," Rosa said, not taking her eyes off the TV. She was still watching that Disney movie, as was Jojo. They seemed surprisingly into it, but Peter was more interested in other things.

 

"Your sister's are bullying you today," Peter said in a hushed voice, trying not to interrupt the movie for the two girls.

 

Balth sighed. "Yeah, I don't appreciate that much. Especially Jojo…"

 

Peter smiled. "I appreciate Jojo."

 

"You would."

 

"You really thought I was that cool back then?" Peter questioned, hoping Balth was relaxed enough now to answer him.

 

He was. "I told you I thought you were cool."

 

"Yeah, but…" He trailed off. It became clear to him in that moment just how badly he wanted to know just how deep Balthazar's feeling for him went. He seemed to like him now, and maybe he'd been attracted to him before (which Peter guessed he had been, going off that 'I've wanted to do this forever' line back at Bea's when they were making out for the first time). But had he had actual feelings then? Did he have deep feelings _now_?

 

Peter knew that talking about that could be dangerous though. He was actively avoiding any serious conversation, knowing it could end very badly. And if Peter thought for a second that Balthazar confirming that yes, he'd been in love with him this entire time, would make him feel good, he was terribly wrong.

 

It would just make things worse. He'd hate himself for not making a move then. He'd be mad that they'd been in love and hadn't done a damn thing about it, instead choosing to just not talk for so long. He'd be heartbroken when Balthazar left him behind again, knowing that their feelings didn't even matter. Distance would ruin them like it did before.

 

Peter wanted to know everything that was happening in Balthazar's head and in his heart, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He couldn't do that to himself.

 

John had called him self destructive once, earlier in the year. Whether he meant it or not, whether he'd been joking or serious, Peter didn't know. But he knew it wasn't true. If anything, he was trying to save himself some pain here. 'Trying' being the keyword.

 

"Okay, I thought you were hot, too," Balthazar confessed, thinking that's where Peter was going with that sentence. It hadn't been, but Peter was satisfied with Balth's with response.

 

"Knew it."

 

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "I mean, I thought you were cute in year nine. I thought you were hot later on though. You had to have known that."

 

"I didn't," Peter said. "I knew you thought I was decent looking, because you know, you complimented me sometimes, but…"

 

Balthazar was staring at him, eyebrows raised. _Oh._ What Peter had thought of as friendly compliments had been more than just friendly compliments. How had he never noticed his best friend flirting with him? Jesus, just how oblivious was he?

 

Peter couldn't manage a proper response, just raised his mug to take a sip in an attempt to shield his wide grin. Balth mimicked his actions.

 

In the kitchen, something started beeping.

 

"Cookies are done!" Jojo announced. She started to get up, but Balthazar beat her to it.

 

"Hey, I'll get them," he told her. "You're watching this."

 

"Are you sure?" she asked, but she was already leaning back in the chair again.

 

"'Course," Balthazar said. He sat his mug down on the coffee table, then glanced at Peter. "Want to help me decorate?"

 

Peter stood up, setting his mug beside Balth's. "No, but I'll keep you company," he said.

 

"Good enough," Balth said.

 

"Don't make out by the cookies," Rosa said as they walked off.

 

"We won't," Peter yelled over his shoulder as he shuffled into the kitchen behind Balthazar. As soon as they were out of view, he grabbed Balthazar by the waist, turning him around to face him, and pulling him in for a kiss.

 

Balthazar laughed against Peter's lips, briefly kissing him back before he gasped. "You little liar."

 

As Balthazar pushed out of Peter's grip to get to the cookies before they burned, Peter whistled the Pretty Little Liars theme. Balthazar laughed as he opened the oven, grabbing a rag to pull the cookie sheet out.

 

"Technically, we weren't by the cookies, and we weren't making out," Peter said. Once Balthazar had sat the cookies down, Peter sidled up beside him at the counter. "So I'm not a liar… yet."

 

Balthazar turned his body to face Peter. "They're waiting for cookies."

 

"They have to cool down anyway."

 

Balth opened his mouth to respond, but then seemed to decide against it in favor of wrapping his arms around Peter's neck as he pressed his mouth against his. Peter snaked his arm around Balth's back, holding him tight against him. He pushed gently against Balth until he was backed against the counter.

 

"You know what we need?" Balth asked when he broke the kiss after a few minutes.

 

"Hm?"

 

"Mood music."

 

Pushed safely away from all the baking supplies and ingredients was someone's iPod set up on a docking station. Balthazar squeezed past Peter and went over to it, taking no more than a few seconds to get what he was looking for.

 

Peter didn't know what he'd been expecting exactly, maybe something slow and sexy, but it definitely wasn't Last Christmas. He frowned, but Balthazar was dancing his way back over to him.

 

"This is what gets you going?" Peter questioned, mildly concerned.

 

"It gets me in the mood to decorate cookies," Balthazar responded. He was so ridiculous, Peter couldn't believe it.

 

"Last Christmas," Balthazar sang. He was being dramatic on purpose, therefore his voice didn't sound like it usually did. But it was still good enough that all Peter could do was stop and stare at him. "I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away."

 

Peter stared at him, his expression unwavering. Balthazar stopped in front of him, ceasing his singing.

 

"First you don't have a Christmas tree until the week of," Balthazar began, shaking his head. "Then you hate on marshmallows. Now you're saying you don't like Christmas music?"

 

"I didn't say that," Peter argued. "I was just… Is this Glee?"

 

"Shhh, it's Jojo's playlist," Balthazar said, reaching forward to take Peter's hand as he began swaying back and forth, trying to get Peter to dance with him.

 

"Glee, though?"

 

"You instantly recognized that it was Glee, so I don't think you have room to judge."

 

He really didn't. He gave in, squeezing Balth's hand before he spun him, causing Balth to squeal and then burst into laughter.

 

"I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye," Peter sang. He was insecure about his own singing voice. Well, maybe not insecure. But he knew he was no Balthazar. So, he didn't try to be good. Just like Balth, he was loud and dramatic on purpose. "Tell me, baby, do you recognize me?"

 

He pressed his nose to Balth's cheek, serenading him, which didn't help with Balthazar's laughter. They danced, poorly, in circles around the kitchen. Balthazar might have been a multi talented musician and writer, but the boy had two left feet. Not that Peter had room to judge. He was no better.

 

Peter quickly started laughing too hard to actually sing, so Balthazar tried to take over. "I know what a fool I've been, but if you kissed me now -" Peter didn't let Balthazar finish the lyric, choosing to do what the song was saying instead, by actually kissing him. Balthazar didn't stop him.

 

The cookies were certainly cool enough to decorate now, but Peter had long forgotten about them. And if he already hadn't, Balthazar's fingertips grazing the skin just underneath his t-shirt would have made him forget.

 

Peter lost track of time, losing himself in _Balthazar, Balthazar, Balthazar_ , so he didn't know just how long they were in the kitchen "getting the cookies", but apparently it was long enough for Rosa to come check on them.

 

"What the hell did I say?" Rosa screeched as she stepped into the kitchen and saw the two boys, making out by the fridge.

 

They stopped kissing, but neither of them tried to move away from the other.

 

"Sorry, Rosa," they murmured in unison, though the fact that they hadn't even begun to separate and were biting back smiles would suggest otherwise.

 

Despite the disgusted look she sent them as she started piling the cookies onto a plate, she didn't seem genuinely bothered. Everyone was silent as she did this, no one speaking until she finished.

 

"Are you going to stay in here and do this all night, or are you coming back to watch movies with us?" she asked.

 

"We're coming back," Balth answered. "Just a minute."

 

She gave them a once-over, quirked an eyebrow and then turned to leave. Peter didn't speak up until she was out of sight.

 

"We didn't get to decorate them," he said.

 

Balthazar laughed. "Yeah, and who's fault is that?" he asked, poking at Peter's side.

 

Peter grinned, grabbing Balth's hand to get him to stop poking at him, and then not letting go of it. "Yours."

 

"We both know that's not true," Balth shook his head, standing up on his tip toes to kiss the side of Peter's face. Peter beamed at the affection. "Movies now?"

 

"Yeah," he nodded.

 

He didn't drop Balthazar's hand as they went back to the couch, and he didn't drop it once they were seated. He only dropped it a few hours later, when Balthazar appeared to be getting tired, so Peter grabbed one of the throw pillows and put it in his lap, letting Balthazar rest his head there as he curled up beside him.

 

They watched the rest of the third movie like that (it was How The Grinch Stole Christmas, one of Peter's favorites), with Balthazar's head on Peter's lap and Peter's fingers running through Balth's hair absentmindedly. Peter thought he had dozed off, but when he looked at his face at the end of the movie, he was wide awake. He rolled over onto his back so he was staring up at Peter.

 

"I thought you were asleep," Peter told him.

 

"Wide awake," Balth said. "It's not even that late."

 

"It's almost seven," Jojo informed them, phone in hand.

 

Peter hadn't thought it was that late. But he had slept well into the afternoon, so that explained why.

 

"We should probably think about dinner," Jojo suggested. "Peter, you staying?"

 

He wasn't sure if that was an invitation from Jojo, or just a question. He looked down at Balth, who nodded at him, then smiled at Jojo. "Yeah, sure."

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner ended up being mac and cheese and frozen chicken nuggets. Balth had offered to cook something else, but once the nuggets had been suggested, everyone jumped on board pretty quick. So, nuggets it was.

 

They sat around the kitchen table together and talked as they ate. Rosa told stories about her travels. Jojo told stories about her job. Balthazar told stories about his music and the process behind making it. And Peter, he just sat back and listened to it all.

 

Peter used to sit in on Jones family dinners all the time. Jojo hadn't always been there, since she'd been away at school. But it was before Rosa went away to travel, so she had been. And so had Balth, of course, along with his parents and the twins. He always felt so welcomed in Balthazar's house, always treated like he belonged there. He still felt that way.

 

Even though, when he stopped talking to Balthazar, he stopped talking to his family, too. He ran into his mum once at the store, and they said polite hello's, and they talked for just a moment, but not about Balthazar.

 

And it had been years since he saw Rosa or Jojo, but he fell easily into conversation with them again, like no time had passed. He was happy about that.

 

"You ever been out of the country, Peter?" Rosa asked.

 

Someone's phone buzzed at the table, and Peter watched Balth (not so) subtly staring at his phone, looking at whatever message had popped up. "Um," he said, looking at Rosa again. "No. I haven't."

 

She looked at him almost pityingly. "You should," she encouraged. "Traveling could be the best thing for you. It was for me."

 

Balthazar's phone buzzed again. Then again. Again. Three times in a row.

 

"Not everyone has the desire to travel like you, Rosa," Jojo said. "But if Peter ever wants to get out of New Zealand, I bet he could go to California or London. Visit Balth, maybe."

 

Peter's heart rate sped up at that comment. When he looked at Balthazar though, he had picked up his phone and was typing something. He hadn't heard - or he just wasn't acknowledging the comment, just like Peter was planning on doing.

 

"Are there any cookies left?" Peter asked, rising from the table. He took his dinner plate to the sink. There was already a few dirty dishes in the sink, he probably could have just added his to the stack, but instead he stood there to wash it.

 

Thankfully, no one noticed his quick exit from the conversation, or his sudden weirdness.

 

"There's an entire plate out in the living room still," Rosa said. "I can grab them."

 

"No, I got it," Peter told her, already fleeing the kitchen and disappearing into the living room. He took a moment to just breathe once he was alone.

 

Peter had realized pretty quickly that Jojo and Rosa knew more about Balthazar's feelings than Peter did. They knew back in year nine how Balth felt about him. They hadn't even blinked when Peter came downstairs, nor had they seemed surprised by their affection towards each other. Balthazar had surely talked to them and told them that something was going on between them. So that comment about visiting Balth hadn't just been nothing. He knew he was probably overreacting, but he couldn't help it.

 

"Hey."

 

Peter jumped at the sound of Balthazar's voice. He gave him an awkward smile. "Hey."

 

"What are you doing?" Balth asked. He had his phone in his hand.

 

"Getting cookies," he told him. He looked down at the coffee table, where the cookies were sitting. "See, cookies." He picked the plate up.

 

Balthazar stared at him for a second. "Alright… So, um, some of my friends from Wellington are in town."

 

That explained the texts then.

 

"Anyone I'd know?" Peter asked.

 

"Kit," Balthazar answered. "I mentioned him, I think." Yeah, Peter knew of Kit Harper. Young and famous just like Balth. Had kissed him in some music video that had yet to be released, apparently. Peter didn't know how he felt about Kit Harper yet.

 

"And a couple other people, but they're really his friends," Balthazar explained. "Kit's saying he wants to hang out before Christmas though."

 

"Tonight?" Peter asked.

 

"Yeah, um, they wanna meet at that club down on Quay," Balthazar said, reading the information off his phone.

 

Peter's eyebrows shot up. He knew exactly what club Balthazar was talking about. Meg had wanted to go one night a few months prior, so her and Peter had tried to get in and were turned away on sight. They never went back. He didn't know why he was surprised that Balth, Kit and co. were able to get in.

 

"That club is exclusive as hell, Balth."

 

Balth shrugged. Humble. "Yeah, well… You wanna come with me?"

 

"I don't wanna, like -" He didn't want to impose on Balth's time with his friends, and Balthazar must have known that was what he was going to say.

 

"Please come?" he asked. "I dunno how much I'll see you the next two days with Christmas and everything, and then…"

 

"Yeah, okay," Peter answered quickly, not wanting to hear Balthazar finish that sentence. He was right. The next two days would be centered around their families. Not much time together. And then… he was gone.

 

He forced a smile on his face. "Sounds fun," he said.

 

Would Peter have preferred to stay at the Jones house, drinking more hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies? Yeah. But, he wasn't going to say that if Balth wanted to go out.

 

* * *

 

The club wasn't really either of their scenes. Despite how well Balthazar fit there now, Peter could tell he wasn't his most comfortable there. And as important as he'd first felt when he was granted access inside, actually being inside was different. Everything was so fancy and expensive. Peter preferred going to bars and clubs where he could get cheap beer and let loose a little more.

 

"This place has really bad music," Balthazar said. Usually, Peter knew, he would whisper something like that in case someone overheard him and was insulted. But even with his mouth right next to Peter's ear, he had to raise his voice a little to be heard over said bad music.

 

And it _was_ bad music, Peter agreed. Peter enjoyed a good pop song every now and then, but the club was playing terrible remixes and confusing mash-ups of them. They made Peter's head hurt, but everyone else at their booth seemed to be enjoying them. Or at least, not minding them as background noise for their loud conversations.

 

Their booth consisted of Peter, Balthazar, Kit Harper, Kit's partner, Rian (who Peter had never seen or heard of before so he didn't know if they were famous or just someone in Kit's life), and a girl named Candice, who was a model from London (Peter had seen her in a few make-up commercials and in a handful of magazines before, but had never known her name until Balthazar introduced her).

 

Peter wasn't someone who had trouble meeting new people and making friends with them, so he was getting along with all three of the others by the time they met up outside of the club. (Peter decided he did like Kit. He felt bad for thinking anything but highly of him just because of some rumors and a stage kiss. He was cool.)

 

That being said, Peter still didn't feel like he really fit in that group of friends. It was always a little awkward joining a pre-existing friend group. Peter would have felt very outside-looking-in if Balthazar hadn't been stuck to his side the entire night. He didn't know if he was doing that for Peter's benefit, or for his own. Peter didn't mind either way. He'd never complain about having Balthazar pressed against his side, his hand on Peter's thigh. Not in a sexual way, just in a 'I'm right here' way.

 

Kit and Balthazar saw each other on a regular basis, as did Balthazar and the other two, as they were all four in and out of California and London all the time for their own professional and personal reasons. So they weren't meeting up to catch up or anything, just to see each other while they were all in one place, which is why Peter didn't feel bad for hogging Balthazar during most of their time at the booth.

 

"I'm going for a smoke," Candice announced, drink in one hand and her purse in the other.

 

"You might want to go out front," Kit suggested. "There were some people out front."

 

Peter leaned across the booth, closer to Kit so he could be heard. "People?"

 

"Fans," Kit told him. "Bunch of paps, too."

 

Fans and paparazzi? Waiting outside the building they were in? That was so cool. But wait, were they just there for the four of them (Peter wasn't counting himself in that), or…?

 

"Are there other famous people in this club right now?" he asked as he fell back next to Balthazar.

 

Balthazar looked amused by Peter's question and enthusiasm. He nodded. "I saw a couple people when I walked in," he said.

 

Peter knew Balthazar was probably used to meeting fellow famous people by now, but he was still shocked by how calm he was. He remembered once when they were fifteen, one of Balth's favorite bands was in town for a show and they saw the lead singer at a restaurant afterwards and Balthazar had been so overwhelmed, he had to leave. (Peter had gotten an autograph for Balthazar before going after him.)

 

"And you're fine right now?" Peter made sure.

 

Balthazar nudged him with his elbow, probably thinking of the same memory Peter just had. "Shut up. I'm a very calm person."

 

"You're not used to being around other "famous" people, Peter?" Kit asked, having scooted closer and overheard their conversation, putting air quotes around the word 'famous', like he didn't consider him, Balth and the other two to be famous. Peter didn't know why he liked that. He liked that Balthazar wasn't out in the Hollywood Hills, befriending people with egos.

 

"Do I seem like I frequent clubs like this often?" Peter asked. "Because I definitely do not."

 

"I just thought you know, since you're close with Balth," Kit said. "You never met Fred or anything?"

 

Kit, clearly, didn't know that much about Balth and Peter's relationship. Balthazar had probably just told him he was an old friend, or a close friend. ( _Very_ close, as of late.) Because he obviously didn't know that Peter hadn't been in Balth's life at the same time Fred Boyet was.

 

"Fred Boyet's hardly famous," Peter said instead of answering the question with 'yes' or 'no'. "He's rich as hell, that doesn't make him special."

 

Kit whistled, putting his hands up. "Didn't mean to upset you."

 

"What? I'm not upset."

 

"Sorry," Kit said. "Just seem a bit jealous, is all."

 

Peter glanced at Balthazar out of the corner of his eye. Was he imagining the small smile on Balth's face? He turned to look at him properly, and Balth met his gaze. Nope. Definitely not imagining it.

 

Balthazar hadn't mentioned Fred Boyet, so he hadn't been _trying_ to make Peter jealous, but did he like that he was? The smile on his face suggested so. Peter had mixed emotions. (And one of those emotions was definitely still jealousy.)

 

"But hey, I get it," Kit continued. "I'm not the jealous type myself, but Rian…"

 

Rian scoffed in mock offense, smiling once Kit swung his arm around their shoulder. "I kind of am," they admitted. "I wasn't a big fan of Balthazar here for awhile because of that video they did, and all the rumors."

 

"How could anyone not like Balthazar?" Peter wondered out loud.

 

"Jealousy, I'm telling you," Rian shrugged. "I adore him now though, obviously. You're right. It's hard to believe I didn't at first." Their smile softened in Peter's direction. "You're a lucky one."

 

Peter shifted awkwardly in his seat. There was another one. Another implication that him and Balthazar were something more. First Jojo's comment about him visiting Balth, now Rian saying Peter was lucky. He knew this was only temporary. He knew him and Balth had an explanation date. But other people didn't seem to realize that. Other people just kept assuming things. Had Balthazar realized it? He had to have known.

 

He nervously met Balthazar's gaze, careful to leave his face clear of emotion as he tried to read Balthazar. Balthazar didn't seem to be having any of the inner turmoil Peter was. No. He just looked… happy.

 

Peter swallowed hard. Balthazar _had_ to know.

 

Neither of them said anything. Kit said something, sparking a new conversation between him and Rian. Peter stayed silent. So did Balthazar. Peter knew they were quiet for different reasons. They were thinking different things. Balthazar looked blissful almost and it was such a beautiful look on him and Peter wished he could see that face, and be the cause of that look on it, forever but he wouldn't be.

 

"What are you thinking?" Balthazar asked. He sounded concerned. He looked concerned, leaning in impossibly closer to whisper to him.

 

Peter didn't know what to say to that.

 

_I love you, but I'm sorry._

 

_I love you, but let's get real._

 

_I love you. Stay this time._

 

_I love you. Maybe we could try this. It won't work, but who cares? Let's try anyway._

 

_I love you and I want you and I want everything with you._

 

_I love you… Are you going to stop calling me after a month?_

 

_I love you and I can't handle you leaving me again._

 

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_This isn't fair, but I love you._

 

"I kind of feel like shit," Peter murmured. It wasn't a lie.

 

"You wanna go home?" Balthazar asked.

 

Where was home? Did he mean Balthazar's home? Peter's home? A random parking lot somewhere that would still feel like home to Peter as long as Balthazar was there?

 

"You can stay if you want," Peter said.

 

Balthazar was already reaching for his jacket.

 

He leaned away from Peter to say his farewells to Kit and Rian. He kept his arm outstretched, his hand on top of Peter's hand. Peter felt the sudden urge to pull away. Not because he wanted to but because he was suddenly afraid of holding Balth's hand and letting Balth think it meant more.

 

"Say bye to Candice for me if she ever comes back from chain smoking," Peter heard Balthazar say as he started scooting out of the booth, meaning Peter had to get out, too.

 

"Nice meeting you, man," Kit said to Peter. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you."

 

Peter doubted that. But he put on a friendly face and reached across the table to shake Kit's hand again. He did the same to Rian.

 

"It was really nice meeting you," he said as genuinely as he could muster in the moment. It had been nice. He'd liked them both, and Candice. But he wasn't feeling very chipper anymore. It was hard to fake it.

 

He never did pull his hand out of Balthazar's. He did the opposite, tangling their fingers together and clutching Balth's hand even tighter as he let Balthazar pull him through the loud, crowded, shitty-music-playing club back to the door they came in.

 

Fuck.

 

They should have gone out the back way. They forgot about the _fucking_ paparazzi.

 

"Balthazar!" Everyone was shouting. Balthazar gave polite smiles, but didn't make eye contact with any of them, nor did he once let go of Peter's hand. He made sure he kept him close behind him, trying to shield him from the cameras. Peter kind of wanted to do the same for Balth.

 

"Are you glad to be home, Balthazar?" someone shouted.

 

"How long are you back for, Balthazar?"

 

"Have you talked to Fred Boyet? He's home for Christmas."

 

"Who's this with you?"

 

Peter kept his head down, looking either at his own feet, or his hand in Balth's. Anywhere but up at the bright lights and the crowd of people. So he didn't know if Balthazar was nodding or responding to any of these questions, but when he heard them start asking about him, he looked up, staring at the back of Balthazar's head.

 

"Is he a new boyfriend?"

 

"Is this your boyfriend?"

 

"Is he a rebound from Fred?"

 

"Is he someone special?"

 

"Is this boy your boyfriend?"

 

After the dozenth time someone shouted some variation of the question, "Is he your boyfriend?" at Balthazar, Peter watched (and it felt like time was suddenly moving in slow motion as it happened) as Balthazar smiled, and gave a thumbs up.

 

It wasn't an over enthusiastic thumbs up. He didn't even lift his arm from where it was swinging at his side. But Peter saw it. He saw the thumb come up, he saw the pleased little smile on Balth's face that was somehow still there even as they walked towards Balthazar's car and were being shouted at.

 

Peter, when they first stepped outside, had been glad that Balthazar had driven them. That meant they didn't have to wait for a cab and could get out of there sooner. He was still glad for that reason, but now he wasn't looking forward to sitting in a car with Balthazar alone for fifteen minutes.

 

A few people shouted things at Peter, but he couldn't even make out all they were saying. It was just all blurring together. White noise now.

 

Balthazar had called Peter his boyfriend. The world would know they were together.

 

Why didn't that thrill him?

 

Because they weren't together. That was why.

 

Fuck.

 

-

 

Because Peter had told Balthazar he felt bad, Balthazar didn't push Peter to talk for most of the car ride home.

 

He apologized for the chaos when they first got to the car. Peter said it was okay, and then nothing else.

 

Minutes later, Balthazar asked what was making him feel bad. Peter shrugged, and said nothing.

 

Balthazar apologized for dragging him out when he felt bad. Peter didn't correct him by telling him he'd felt fine at the start of the night. Again, he responded with a shrug. Then silence.

 

Balthazar said nothing for awhile.

 

As they got closer to their neighborhood, Balthazar finally did say something else. "Mine or yours?"

 

"Mine," Peter answered quickly.

 

"Okay," Balthazar said.

 

They drive in silence again until Balthazar slowly comes to a stop in front of Peter's house.

 

"Goodnight, Balth," Peter said. He wasn't trying to be short with him, or cold, but he couldn't sit there and kiss for ten minutes like they usually would. Or flirt until Balth agreed to come inside. He just wanted to go inside and try to gather his thoughts before he said something he'd regret.

 

He went to get out of the car, but a hand on his arm stopped him. Balth's touch was too gentle to physically prevent him from getting out of the car, but Peter froze anyway.

 

"I know you said you felt shit," Balthazar said. Peter could hear his voice shaking. _No, no, no._ "But… is that all that's wrong? I feel like… Did I do something?"

 

Peter turned to Balth, struggling to make eye contact but forcing himself to do it. "Trust me, you've done nothing wrong, Balthazar."

 

"What is it then?"

 

It'd be so easy to lie and to get out of the car like he wanted to. But Balthazar's eyes were so wide and genuine and Peter could see the concern and nervousness in them.

 

Maybe he did know.

 

"You said I was your boyfriend," Peter said. He tried to hold Balthazar's gaze, but he dropped his eyes halfway through his sentence. _Coward,_ he called himself.

 

A pause. Then, "Yeah? Is that… is that not what this is?"

 

Peter didn't say anything for a long few seconds.

 

"Pete?" Balthazar pushed. "I… I told you I'd wanted you since forever and you said you felt the same, and the way we've been acting. The overnights and the family time and the kissing and the - the…. Oh."

 

Peter wanted to throw up.

 

"I am such an idiot…" Balthazar said. Out of the corner of his eye, Peter saw him shaking his head. "I misread everything. I thought you liked me and I thought you wanted more, and I thought you were jealous at the club after my gig, and I thought you were jealous just now over Fred, but you weren't. Was this just… Was this nothing? Was I just a body to you?"

 

"No," Peter assured him. "You're so much more than that."

 

That seemed to calm Balthazar, but only just a little.

 

"Should we talk about this?" he asked. He sounded so desperate Peter wanted to cry. He wanted to cry anyway.

 

"There's no point," Peter mumbled, turning his head to look out the window. He could feel Balthazar staring at him. He could feel how hurt Balthazar was and he wasn't even fucking looking at him.

 

This was why he'd been avoiding this conversation. Exactly this.

 

"No point?" Balthazar repeated, his voice smaller than Peter had ever heard it.

 

"You're leaving again, Balthazar," Peter reminded him, finally meeting his eyes again. He wished he hadn't. Fuck. "This was a great reminder of what could have been if things were different, but nothing has changed. Not really. You're still leaving. Even after all this, when you leave, I probably won't see you for yet another three years."

 

Balthazar was stunned into silence. Peter hated himself for saying any of that. He should have gotten out of the fucking car.

 

"Okay," Balthazar whispered after brief silence. "So what are you saying? You don't want to be with me?"

 

 _Yes, I do,_ Peter replied in his mind. _Tell him you want him. Tell him that's not what this is about._

 

"I'm such an idiot," Balthazar said again.

 

_No, you really aren't. I am._

 

"Sorry for assuming things, I guess."

 

_Why aren't you saying anything?_

 

"I should probably go home."

 

_No._

 

"Balth…" Peter tried. He watched Balthazar's grip tighten on the steering wheel. He knew he wanted to run away from the situation. That had been how Balthazar dealt with problems since they were little. But it wasn't an option now. Peter felt bad for forcing him to stay and deal with him.

 

"I just think this is the best option," Peter said.

 

"What is?" Now it was Balth who refused to look at Peter.

 

"If we just… forget about this." It pained Peter to say that, but it was true. Maybe it was true. He didn't know what he believed anymore.

 

"Is that what you want?" Balthazar asked quietly, shyly glancing over at Peter. "To just forget we happened?"

 

Peter clenched his jaw and nodded. Balthazar looked away again and did a horrible job at not visibly reacting. Peter heard his breath catch in his throat.

 

"Goodnight, Peter," Balthazar said.

 

"Balth -"

 

"Goodnight, Peter," Balthazar repeated, his voice steadier this time. Harsher. He still didn't look at Peter, just stared straight ahead until Peter said something.

 

"Goodnight, Balth," he said, finally getting out of the car. Balthazar wasn't halfway to his door when he heard Balthazar driving off down the street.

 

* * *

 

 

**24th of December**

 

For the second morning in a row, Peter woke up to the sound of laughter outside of the room he was sleeping in. Only this time, it made him pull the blankets over his head as he curled up into a ball. Hiding from the world sounded like a great plan.

 

Except it wasn't possible.

 

When he'd gotten in the night before (a night he was desperately trying to convince himself was a bad dream), he checked his phone before bed and had three missed calls from Costa. There was also a voicemail from him.

 

It had gone on for a few minutes, and Peter had to listen to it twice because his mind kept wandering. But the gist of the message, basically, was that Costa needed Peter that morning for a rehearsal. He apologized for making him come in on Christmas Eve, and told him he didn't have to come - but in the same breath begged him to.

 

Peter didn't even care that it was Christmas Eve. Going to rehearsal could possibly get his mind off of that fight. It probably wouldn't, but he'd try.

 

As he got downstairs, he found his mum and brother in the kitchen. His parents finally had work off, if only for two days. His mum looked happy to be home. Peter wished he could give her a more convincing smile.

 

But maybe she wasn't looking close enough, or she'd been working so much lately she just didn't know the difference between Peter's fake smile and his real one, but she didn't seem to notice anything was wrong with him as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

 

John, on the other hand, definitely noticed.

 

"You're up early," he noted.

 

"It's nine," Peter said.

 

"That's early," John said. "Especially for you."

 

Peter rolled his eyes. Apparently, it was going to be a day where the smallest of comments could set him off. Great.

 

"I thought you'd be spending the night at Balthazar's again," John said. Peter tensed at the name. John noticed that, too. Their mum didn't.

 

She put her hands on Peter's shoulders. "Honey, I have something for you to give him."

 

"Him who?"

 

"Balthazar!"

 

Of fucking course.

 

Peter winced. "Why do you have a present for Balthazar?" he asked as he watched his mom disappear into the living room, only to quickly reappear with a wrapped package. The wrapping paper had dancing snowmen on it. They annoyed Peter.

 

"I know I've been working a lot," she started, forcing the package into Peter's free hand. "But I know Balthazar's been hanging around again."

 

Peter looked at John, who smiled innocently back at him. Dick.

 

"I knit every morning and night, to relax," she explained, which Peter already knew. "And I had started on this sweater awhile ago, but I decided that it'd be a great gift for Balthazar. Does he still love those sweaters of his?"

 

"He still does."

 

"You used to tell me how much you liked those sweaters," his mum reminisced. "Then I bought you one and you never wore it. You hated the thing on you. That's when I realized it wasn't the sweaters you liked. Just how they looked on the boy wearing them."

 

Peter's face heated up. Just like how Balthazar's sisters had embarrassed him with their memories of his crush on Peter, Peter's mum was doing with the same to him. Except this time Balthazar wasn't there to smile and tease him. Peter knew he never would be.

 

"Give it to him, would you?" she requested. "Tell him we all miss him."

 

He stared at the gift in his hand, holding it like it was something delicate. "I actually don't know if I'm going to see him again. He's leaving day after tomorrow."

 

To his mum, that wasn't an unusual comment. But to someone who knew just how inseparable Peter and Balth had been lately, it didn't sound right. Peter saw John set his fork down and stare at him, a frown on his face. He ignored him.

 

"Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry," she said, putting a gentle, comforting hand on his face. "I know you'll miss him."

 

Peter didn't deny it. "Yeah… yeah, I will."

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

 

He shook his head. He took a final sip of his coffee and then set it on the counter. "I have to go actually," he said. "Rehearsal."

 

He'd talked to his mom briefly over the last few days, through texts and phone calls on her breaks at work so she knew about him volunteering with the play. She didn't know anything beyond that, nothing about Costa or the craziness of it all, but she didn't need to. Maybe he'd catch her up over Christmas dinner. But maybe not.

 

It didn't feel important in the moment.

 

"Do you want to eat breakfast before you go?" she asked.

 

"Not hungry. I'll see you later. Love you, mum." He kissed her on the cheek. "Later, bro."

 

He heard John scooting his chair back from the table as he quickly left the room, knew he was probably trying to catch up to him to ask what was happening. So he picked up his pace as he headed to the door. He slammed the front door behind him and didn't stop walking until he was in his car.

 

A minute down the road, once he felt like he was safe from anyone trying to talk to him about Balthazar, he turned the radio on.

 

_You're the one that got away,_

_And you got bigger everyday_

_I kept stretching out my arms,_

_But you were always way beyond_

_My reach_

 

"My life is a fucking joke," he whispered to himself as he turned the radio off again.

 

* * *

 

 

Rehearsal, at least, was a safe place. Paige and Chelsey didn't know about him and Balthazar. Costa knew they knew each other, but that was the extent of that, and he had no reason to mention him anyway.

 

When he walked in, Costa was sitting on top of a giant cardboard box, yelling down at the lead actor as they had a conversation. The box had to be twelve feet, at least. Costa was just perched on top of it, legs crossed under him. Peter didn't know how he hadn't caused the box to collapse. Either he was just that light, or there was something inside of it keeping him up.

 

Peter didn't know. He didn't question it. Just found Chelsey and made his way to sit with her.

 

"Morning, Peter!" she greeted. He wondered how she could be so cheerful first thing in the morning, because he personally felt like shit. But then Paige hopped onto the stage, kissing Chelsey's cheek as she handed her a paper cup of coffee.

 

Yeah. That made sense. Peter had been happy for a couple of mornings in a row when he had someone he loved by his side, too.

 

He laid down on the stage. He was too emotional to be there.

 

"Is this your dramatic way of saying you want coffee, too?" Paige questioned, staring down at him.

 

"Yeah," he lied. He didn't feel like explaining.

 

Chelsey kneeled down beside him, holding her coffee cup by his face. "Do you want a sip of mine?" she whispered, like he was actually laying there and sleeping and she didn't want to disturb him.

 

He thought again about how much Balthazar would get along with these two.

 

The coffee did smell good, but no. He didn't actually want it. "Thank you, but no thanks," he said. "I'm actually fine. Tired."

 

"Someone isn't a morning person," Paige guessed. "I feel you, bro."

 

That wasn't untrue. He didn't have to lie when he agreed to that. "Definitely not," he said. "And it's Christmas Eve. Why are we here?"

 

He stayed laying on his stomach, but he propped himself up on his elbows so he could look at the two girls better.

 

"The theater doesn't take a holiday," Paige said in her best Costa voice. It made Peter and Chelsey both laugh.

 

"We'll only be here for a few hours, I think," Chelsey said. "I told him we had to leave before noon because if not, we'll never get to Paige's parent's house in time for Christmas morning."

 

"We'll make it, don't worry," Paige piped in.

 

Chelsey continued. "Well, he said that wouldn't be a problem, so." She shrugged. He hoped she was right. He wasn't regretting coming. They were already making him feel better just by sitting there with him and talking about nothing. But he was still tired, and he hadn't had breakfast, and his fucking heart hurt. He wanted to be in bed. Maybe be a cliche, eat some ice cream, listen to Taylor Swift.

 

"I think once we finish painting that piece, we'll be good for the day," Chelsey said.

 

Peter nodded. They were over halfway done already. They could finish in no time.

 

"I'll go grab the paint if you'll-" Peter started, only to be cut off by the man on top of the box.

 

"Peter!" Costa called out. Peter sat up, turning his body around to look up at him. He waved. "Peter, I need you!"

 

 _Why?_ Peter tried not to groan.

 

"We're short a member of our team today," Costa told him, still screaming down at him. "I'd like for everyone to read lines with partners today. Please, will you?" He gestured towards a guy, one of the actors in the play. Peter thought his name was Zeb, but he wasn't positive.

 

Peter was no actor, and he didn't know any of the lines by heart. But he could read words off a page and help this Zeb guy out. That wouldn't be too hard.

 

"Sure," Peter replied, pushing himself off the ground.

 

Costa clapped. "Wonderful, now everyone get with your acting partner!" he shouted, addressing everyone. Paige and Chelsey stood together, and Zeb had crossed the stage to stand in front of Peter.

 

"I'm playing Mephistopheles," Zeb explained as he handed Peter a copy of the script, already opened to the scene he wanted. "So could you read for Faustus for a scene?"

 

"Not a problem," Peter said. There wasn't any pressure on reading the lines for that role, because it wasn't like he was actually trying to do a good job or impress anyone. Still, he figured he'd try to be decent. He wanted to give Zeb _something_ to work with. "Should I just…?" He held the script up.

 

"Yes, yes, whenever you're ready," Zeb said.

 

Peter gave Zeb a moment to get himself ready, and then read, "Come, Mephistopheles, and bring glad tidings from great Lucifer; - Is’t not midnight? Come, Mephistopheles; Veni, veni, Mephistopheles! Now tell me, what says Lucifer thy lord?"

 

"That I shall wait on Faustus whilst he lives," Zeb read. Though he wasn't reading directly from the script. He seemed to have it mostly memorized. "So he will buy my service with his soul."

 

"Already Faustus hath hazarded that for thee."

 

"But, Faustus, thou must bequeath it solemnly, and write a deed of gift with thine own blood. For that security craves great Lucifer. If thou deny it, I will back to hell."

 

Zeb was actually really good. Peter immediately felt like he needed to step it up.

 

"Stay, Mephistophilis!" Peter recited. "And tell me what good will my soul do thy lord."

 

"Enlarge his kingdom."

 

"Is that the reason why he tempts us thus?"

 

"Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris."

 

"Why, have you any pain that torture others?"

 

"As great as have the human souls of men. But tell me, Faustus, shall I have thy soul? And I will be thy slave, and wait on thee. And give thee more than thou hast wit to ask.

"Ay, Mephistophilis, I give it thee."

 

"Then, Faustus, stab thine arm courageously. And bind thy soul that at some certain day Great Lucifer may claim it as his own; And then be thou as great as Lucifer."

 

Peter pretended to stab his arm. "Lo, Mephistophilis, for love of thee, I cut mine arm, and with my proper blood assure my soul to be great Lucifer’s, Chief lord and regent of perpetual night! View here the blood that trickles from mine arm. And let it be propitious for my wish."

 

Something that sounded like a loud shriek of distress came from behind Peter, causing him to jump as he turned around. Costa had jumped down from the box and was approaching them, his jaw dropped. Shit, had Peter been that bad?

 

"Peter Donaldson… I am touched," Costa said, gently resting his hand on Peter's shoulder. "You say you've never acted before?"

 

Peter shook his head no.

 

Costa put his free hand to his chest, looking genuinely shocked. "Peter, please tell me you will take a spot in the play."

 

"Um… I don't think I'd be ready to go by the time we start," Peter said. He wasn't trying to get out of it, just being logical.

 

"A role with few lines then!" Costa reasoned.

 

The shriek had gotten the attention of those surrounding them, including Paige and Chelsey. To the left of him, Peter heard Paige whisper, "Told you he'd get him in the play."

 

Peter glanced over at them, and Chelsey nodded at him encouragingly.

 

"You have a great potential, Peter," Costa said, squeezing his shoulder. "Don't you feel the talent and potential within you?"

 

He had liked reading that. He didn't think he'd been as good as Zeb, but he hadn't been tragically awful. And it was fun.

 

"Say yes," Costa said, and it sounded more like a command than a suggestion.

 

"Yes," Peter agreed. Costa seemed absolutely giddy.

 

"Yes!" he repeated. "Come with me. We have much to discuss."

 

Costa dragged Peter away. As they passed Paige and Chelsey, they both high fived him.

 

"Please take one of my roles!" Paige shouted after him.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter didn't get home until around noon, but he returned feeling much lighter than before. Balthazar had been right when he said Peter needed a job that he actually liked. That he needed to do something just because he wanted to, with no pressure.

 

There was a bit of pressure to do well, but his role (that yes, he'd taken out of Paige's hands) only had a few lines and he was nothing more than a minor character. He already had the lines memorized, there were so few. So he wasn't nervous about it.

 

And maybe this wasn't a job yet. He still wasn't getting paid. But maybe it could turn into something more. Who knew? Peter wasn't going to force this on himself. If he fell in love with it even more and he became a great actor, that'd be great. If not and it was just a one time thing that he liked at the time, that'd be okay, too.

 

The day was off to a great start.

 

He lost his house key, he realized as he got to his front door. Or maybe not lost it, just left it upstairs. So he knocked and waited for John or one of his parents to answer. One or both of them had left, because his dad's car was gone. Probably last minute Christmas shopping. That was the Donaldson way.

 

John opened the door, money in hand. He looked surprised to see Peter. "Oh, I thought you were Thai food," he said, sounding disappointed.

 

"Sorry to let you down," Peter said as he stepped inside. "You ordered Thai? Isn't mom cooking?"

 

"She went shopping with dad," John said. Peter knew it. "She's making dinner tonight, but lunch's on me. I got you something."

 

"Is you buying me lunch your Christmas gift to me because you didn't get me a real gift?" he asked.

 

John cracked a smile. "It might be me making up for getting you a shitty gift, yeah."

 

Peter laughed. "I'll take it. I love Thai."

 

They'd started walking towards the living room when John said, "Oh, you have a visitor in the living room, by the way."

 

Peter's eyes widened. Could it be? His day, which he'd expected to be horrible, at started off surprisingly well at rehearsal. Had Balth come over to talk? Could they make up and make the most of their final days together?

 

He didn't respond to John, just took off into the living room. He rolled his eyes when he saw Ben sitting on the couch.

 

"What are you doing here?" he asked. He knew he sounded more annoyed than was justified. Ben hadn't done anything wrong. He just wasn't Balthazar.

 

Ben shot up off the couch, grinning brightly despite Peter's rude greeting. He had a wrapped present in his hand. "It's Christmas Eve, buddy! I won't see you tomorrow, so here I am!"

 

They'd been talking about when to get together to do their gift exchange and hang out, but they'd never set a time (Peter had been busy, but in his defense, so had Ben with Bea). It didn't really surprise Peter that Ben just showed up.

 

"Yeah, alright," Peter said. He walked over to the tree and dug through the presents that were there. Once the tree had been put up, Peter had moved the presents from his room to under the tree. Ben's was right on top, and he grabbed it before sitting down on the couch with Ben.

 

"Merry Christmas, Peter," Ben said as they swapped presents. He shook his gift excitedly. "Oh, I wonder what it is."

 

"You literally picked it out," Peter reminded him. "And wrapped it."

 

Ben ignored him, still looking thrilled as he pulled the paper off. Peter waited to open his until Ben was done.

 

The look on Ben's face as he saw the flamingo figurine did, Peter had to admit, make him smile. Him and Ben had their moments where they fought, and Peter wanted to throw Ben out of a window, but ninety percent of the time, Peter loved him. He'd really been there through everything, and Peter didn't appreciate anyone more than he did Ben.

 

"You still like it?" Peter asked. He was answered by Ben surging forward and hugging him. Peter laughed as he was pushed down on the couch, his friend clinging to him. "Okay, I'm glad. Now get the fuck off me. You're crushing me."

 

Ben scoffed, sitting up. "I couldn't crush you. I am light as a feather."

 

"You're a six foot monster," Peter argued.

 

"I am five eleven, thank you very much," Ben said, holding his head high. "Shows how well you know me… But, I know you very, very well." He shoved Peter's present toward him. "Open!"

 

Peter did as he was told, tearing into the wrapping paper. It was a plain red box, that looked almost like something a necklace would come in. "Did you buy me jewelry?" he questioned. Then he lifted the top of the box, and didn't find jewelry.

 

"Holy shit, Benedick," he said, pulling out two concert tickets. "You got me tickets for Ezra fucking Furman."

 

"They're not until later next year," Benedick told him. "But I figured getting the tickets themselves would be a good enough gift for now."

 

"Yes, bro, holy shit," he said again. "You spent way too much though. I spent like, twenty bucks on your flamingo thing."

 

Benedick clutched the flamingo to his chest. "You love Ezra Furman, I love this little guy. That seems fair to me."

 

Peter shook his head. He didn't agree, but he'd drop it. He'd find something to do for Ben to pay him back for his great gift. "You're the best."

 

"I know," Ben grinned, smug. "I just remembered when the tour was announced, you wouldn't shut the hell up about it. Then you wouldn't shut the hell up about not having the money to buy them. I ordered them a few months ago. Was kinda nervous you'd find a way to get them before now.

 

"Especially because you know, your problem with not shutting the hell up about it, I thought you'd mention to Balth this week or something and he'd be able to pull some strings and he'd ruin my Christmas present with only days left for me to get you something new."

 

Peter tensed at the Balthazar name drop. Ben, thankfully, didn't notice. They hadn't really discussed Peter's relationship or whatever with Balthazar since the night of his gig. Not at length anyway. Through texts, Peter would mention that he was with Balth and Ben would respond accordingly, telling him to tell Balth 'hello' or by sending winky faces.

 

But ever since Peter had refused advice from Ben and Bea, Ben had been surprisingly quiet about the details of Peter and Balth's thing, whatever it was. Peter still didn't know what to call it. 'Fling' sounded too casual. Like they were old pals, just hooking up because they were around each other. Nothing more, nothing less. It was so much more than that.

 

"You gonna take him with you to see him?" Ben asked. He assumed he meant Balthazar. "You think he'll be here then?"

 

"When is he ever here?" Peter murmured, the bitterness in his tone obvious.

 

"So… no?" Ben asked.

 

"I'll probably take you," Peter told him. "You bought 'em for me."

 

Ben gave Peter a sad smile. Peter sighed.

 

"You won't be here either?" he asked, but he knew. He wouldn't be.

 

"It's on a Wednesday, during the year," Ben explained. "But, maybe John -"

 

"Will also be away at uni next year," Peter said, frowning. "Hey, it's whatever, alright? I'll find someone. I'll take my mum if I have to. All the cool kids go to gigs with their mum."

 

"I'm sure if you tell Balth now, then he could-"

 

"I'm not fucking taking Balthazar," Peter snapped suddenly.

 

Ben seemed taken aback by that, and just stared for a second before speaking, his voice full of concern. "Shit, Pete… What happened?" he asked simply.

 

Peter, instantly, felt bad for snapping. Ben seemed genuinely worried about whatever had gone on between them. Peter thought he'd get all preachy and judgey.

 

"I don't know," Peter said. It was so hard to explain what exactly had happened when he didn't know himself really. The events at the club had been a blur. Their fight had been a blur. The entire week itself was just a blur of happy moments with Balthazar - but he wished it wasn't. He wanted to remember those moments clearly.

 

"We were really good, and then…" he struggled to continue. Struggled to explain. "Balthazar thought this was going to be something more, but that's fucking impossible. And so I told him to just forget about all of this. So, that's over now."

 

"You big, giant idiot," Ben shouted. "This is why me and Bea told you to talk to him before it got serious. To avoid literally this exact situation that you got yourself in!"

 

Never mind. Peter didn't feel bad anymore.

 

"Oh, fuck off, Benedick," Peter said, tossing his gift box to the side and standing from the couch. He had to put some distance between him and Ben.

 

But Ben only got up to follow him. "Why would you tell him to forget about it? Peter, you're in love with him! I can understand you not talking at first, okay, you were all caught up in each other and whatnot. But I cannot for the life of me understand why you don't want to be with him."

 

Peter didn't want to stand there and scream about his issues with Ben. That could take a deep, dark turn and Peter didn't want to have an emotional conversation. He wanted to be angry.

 

There was a knock on the door, but that couldn't even put a stop to Peter and Ben's argument. Out of the corner of his eye, Peter saw John coming down the hall to answer the door. He was moving slowly, trying not to bring attention to himself. Clearly, he could hear Peter and Ben's screaming match.

 

Peter was pretty sure that was lunch at the door, and maybe it was embarrassing to be caught fighting in the living room by the Thai food delivery person, but Peter didn't care enough to stop.

 

"Seriously, Ben, fuck off," Peter said again. "You know absolutely nothing about me and Balthazar's relationship."

 

Ben pointed a finger in his face. "So you admit it was a relationship!"

 

"What the hell have I said about this?" Peter shouted, reaching for Ben's finger, but Ben took a step back and yanked his hand away. "And no, I'm not admitting that. We weren't together. We are never going to be together. It wouldn't fucking work."

 

"What the hell was this week with him then?" Ben asked.

 

"It was a fucking fling!" Peter lied, using the word he knew was inaccurate but it was the first explanation he could think of. "Short lived. Temporary. One time only. That's what me and Balthazar are. _Were_. We're over now, so don't worry. It's fucking done."

 

"Um…" Peter heard John say behind him. He turned to the door, which was wide open, and he genuinely thought he was about to be ill when he saw the boy in the doorway.

 

It wasn't the Thai food.

 

Balthazar was standing there. John awkwardly next to him, still holding the door open.

 

"Shit… Balthazar," Peter said. He stood frozen for a few long seconds, unable to move.

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. How much of that had he heard? He'd been there for long enough. Peter knew he'd heard enough. He could tell by the wounded look on his face that he'd heard.

 

"I came over because I felt bad after last night… but never mind." Balth turned, about to walk away and disappear again. This time, it'd probably be forever. Peter felt his heart in his throat.

 

"Balthazar, please," he cried out.

 

Balthazar stopped, but Peter didn't know if he'd stay. He finally found his legs and walked to the door. John slowly and silently moved away, back to his room or to the living room with Ben, Peter didn't know. He was only aware of Balthazar.

 

"So that's why you wanted to forget it?" Balthazar asked. "Because it's not even worth remembering?"

 

He didn't seem sad now. Just angry. Peter had never seen him truly angry before. He hated it, especially being the cause of it.

 

"That's not true," Peter assured him. "I was just… trying to shut Ben up, okay?"

 

"So you don't think this was just a fling?"

 

Peter opened and shut his mouth.

 

Balthazar laughed, humorless. "That's what I thought."

 

_No, no, no._

 

"Last night, why did you lie to me?" Balthazar asked, his eyes staring holes into Peter. "You said I wasn't just a body to you. That's obviously bullshit."

 

"It's not bullshit, Balthazar," Peter told him.

 

"Yes, it is!" Balthazar shouted. "I heard you, Peter. You said I was one time only. I'm a temporary body in your bed. Thanks, best friend."

 

Peter had thought he'd been heart broken after the fight last night. With two single words, the last remaining parts of his heart completely shattered. Hearing Balthazar sarcastically call him his best friend was excruciating.

 

"I'm not doing this," Balthazar said, taking a step backwards out of the door.

 

"Don't walk away, please," Peter pleaded. "Talk to me."

 

Balthazar paused, and Peter thought he was considering it, but then he just shook his head. He looked defeated. "There's no point," Balthazar whispered, echoing Peter's words from the car. "Goodbye, Peter."

 

The room was dead silent as Balthazar walked out of the house. Neither Ben nor John, who Peter was sure had been listening, said anything. And Peter couldn't bring himself to as much as move.

 

Balthazar had come over to talk… and Peter had somehow managed to ruin things even more. Costa had been right. He _was_ talented - at fucking up. Professional fuck up. He could put that on a business card.

 

He heard light, cautious footsteps approaching him from behind, and then a delicate hand on his shoulder. "Pete…"

 

Somehow, Ben showing him sympathy even after their words was what made Peter lose it. He shook Ben's hand away and took off down the hall, so he could cry in privacy.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben left. Or maybe he didn't. Maybe he hung out with John and ate Thai food for a few hours. Peter wouldn't have known. He locked himself in his room right after Balthazar left and had no plans on ever opening the door again.

 

About half an hour after locking himself in, there was a light knock on his door. He didn't respond to it. It could have been John, or Ben. But when Peter stayed silent, they took the hint and Peter listened as they walked down the hall.

 

His parents came home eventually, and he could hear them talking as they entered the kitchen. He could only hear their hushed voices as they disappeared into their bedroom, and he only made out the words 'wrapping paper' before they shut the door behind them.

 

Peter fell asleep eventually. Laying in bed doing nothing but crying and feeling bad for himself wore him out, and he slowly dozed off around four.

 

In his brief sleep, he dreamt that Balthazar and him were back at Messina. It was their graduation day and they insisted on sitting together even though everyone else was in alphabetical order. Eventually, they were allowed because they refused to let go of each other's hands. In the next part of the dream, they were still holding hands as they kissed in an empty classroom, promising each other forever.

 

Peter woke up, immediately on the verge of tears again.

 

At one point, he thought that was what was going to happen for them. He thought that somehow, once they got past all the unspoken words and lingering looks and finally did something about the romantic tension between them, him and Balthazar would end up together. He thought they'd be kissing on graduation day, talking about their future and making promises to each other that might have seemed naive, but that they knew were true. They'd be together forever.

 

That didn't happen.

 

Balthazar left Messina before he could graduate and finished schooling on the road. Peter sat next to a girl named Helena Donovan at graduation. The only promises he made to people was that he'd call them sometime in the future so they could catch up, or that they'd hang out during break. He kept those. He would have kept his promises to Balthazar, too.

 

He fell asleep again after squeezing his eyes shut and trying to get back to that dream, or any other dream that would take him to a world where him and Balthazar were together.

 

But this time, he slept a dreamless sleep. There was just darkness. He slept for another couple of hours, until another knock on his door made him stir.

 

"Peter." It was his mum. "Dinner's done."

 

"Not hungry," he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear him through the door.

 

His mum cracked the door open. The sight of her son laying in complete darkness, hiding under his covers, seemed unsettling to her. "Are you sick, Pete?"

 

"Yeah," he lied.

 

"What hurts?"

 

What didn't hurt? "My head," he lied again.

 

His mum walked into the room, pushing his hair out of his face to put her hand on his forehead. "You don't feel warm…" She looked closely at him, squinting in the dark. "Are you crying?"

 

Peter sniffled. "No. Just a stuffed up nose. Allergies, I think."

 

He felt bad for lying to his mum, but she bought it. She wasn't naive or gullible, she just trusted her son. That made him feel worse.

 

She removed her hand from his head, and pushed any stray hairs from his face. "Do you want me to bring you anything?" she asked. "Medicine, tea, dinner…?"

 

"I just want to sleep," he said, burying his face into his pillow.

 

His mum pulled the covers up tighter around him, and he'd be lying if he said being tucked in wasn't nice. Even at nearly twenty years old.

 

"I'll make you a plate and put it in the fridge for later, alright?"

 

He nodded, and she left him alone, shutting the door quietly behind her. He closed his eyes, tried to find sleep again, but he couldn't. As relieving as sleeping was, he just wasn't tired anymore. So he just laid there in the darkness for a few minutes, until he eventually reached for his phone.

 

There were texts from Ben, apologizing for their fight and asking if he was okay. He had a random text from Freddie, just her trying to catch up. She was oblivious to everything happening (at least as far as Peter was concerned, Ben might have told her, but he didn't care). He ignored them both, because he was really only checking up on one person.

 

But, of course, nothing from Balthazar. Not a text, not a call. He hadn't even posted anything on social media. Not that Peter thought Balthazar would have posted anything regarding the two of them on his Twitter or Instagram, but he thought maybe he'd have posted something. About Christmas or his family or something. But there was nothing.

 

Peter ended up scrolling through his Instagram. There were two recent photos of Peter on it (and countless ones from before Balthazar left). The first one was from the party at Bea's. One of their drunken selfies. He read the comments. Most of them were pointing out how drunk they looked, some were just calling Balthazar cute (Peter agreed), a few people with photos of Fred Boyet as their icons were freaking out thinking Balthazar was moving on from the vegan king. Peter scrolled on.

 

The second photo wasn't of the two of them. Just of Peter. It was from their trip to the shops when they went to buy tree decorations. Peter was posing in the Christmas aisle, holding a rather inappropriate ornament that featured one reindeer humping another from behind. Peter looked scandalized in the photo, but in reality, him and Balthazar had spotted it and spent five minutes giggling about it. Peter wanted to buy it, but Balthazar said it was a waste of money. They bought the tinsel instead.

 

The accounts were different, but there were more comments about Fred Boyet on this photo. Fucking Fred Boyet.

 

_'why did you never post photos like this of fred :(((('_

 

In response to that, someone said, _'i know ugh its not fair that this new boyfriend gets to be posted all over his insta but balth didn't care enough about fred to ever mention him'_

 

Assholes.

 

Were they right, though? Did Balthazar really never post photos of Fred when they were together? He scrolled way down, going back weeks and weeks to the time he knew Balthazar was seeing Fred.

 

There was only one photo of Fred on it. It was a posed photo of the two of them on a red carpet for something. Fred's arm was around Balthazar's shoulders, and they were smiling pleasantly. Balthazar looked great in his suit. But it wasn't anything special. And the caption was just Balthazar saying thanks for being invited and saying how great the movie they'd seen was. No mention of Fred at all.

 

Something else that jumped out at him about that comment - boyfriend? Did people just assume they were dating because they were seen together or -

 

Oh.

 

Peter supposed that paparazzi footage was out there now. The world knew they were boyfriends - except they weren't. God, that was going to be a fucking mess for Balth, Peter knew it. And it was all his fault.

 

As much as Peter was feeling pitiful for himself, he was mostly mad at himself for hurting Balthazar. Peter thought he was being smart and preventing heartache for himself, and had just assumed Balthazar knew what he was thinking and felt the same.

 

Maybe Ben was right. They should have talked before things got out of hand.

 

Peter closed out of Instagram, and went to his contact list where he stared at Balthazar's name. It was probably too late, and Peter didn't even know what he'd say if Balthazar answered. That was a strong 'if'.

 

But he hit 'call' anyway.

 

Straight to voicemail.

 

Peter hung up, but then changed his mind. He called again, and this time when it went to voicemail, he spoke.

 

"Balthazar…" Peter started and he realized how rough his voice sounded. "Um, I… I don't know what to say. I just… I'm sorry."

 

He wasn't sure what exactly he was apologizing for. There were a number of things, really. But he couldn't find the words to properly articulate his feelings to Balthazar, and he had no idea how to continue the message.

 

Peter used to be good at speeches and at talking in general. He was a smooth operator. Balthazar fucked him up.

 

"Please, just, call me back," he finished, not knowing what else to say, hanging up the phone. Not a moment later, there was another knock on his door. They didn't wait for a response before pushing it open.

 

It was John.

 

"You talking to…?" he trailed off. He didn't need to say the name. Peter knew.

 

He tossed his phone to the side. "Attempting to. But he's not answering and I don't know what to say anyway, so."

 

John came inside, shutting the door behind him. Peter appreciated John checking on him, but he really didn't want to have a heart to heart right then. He didn't want to talk at all. Not to anyone who wasn't Balthazar.

 

"Can we talk?" John asked.

 

"I really don't want to."

 

"I just needed your advice on something."

 

Peter watched as John sat down at the foot of his bed, crossing his legs underneath him.

 

"Advice?" Peter repeated. John never came to him to talk about personal stuff, let alone ask for advice. "On what?"

 

John fiddled awkwardly with his hands as he began. "Let's say that you had feelings for someone…"

 

Peter narrowed his eyes. John was just trying to trick him into talking about Balthazar. The fucker. "Not fucking doing this."

 

"I'm not playing a game, Peter," John huffed, frustrated. "I'm talking about myself."

 

"You like someone?" Peter asked. He didn't know why that shocked him so much. He'd just never known John to date. Or have feelings. At least, not that he shared with Peter. "Who?"

 

"It doesn't matter," John said, waving his hand, waving the question off. "I just need to know what to do about it."

 

Peter really didn't think he was the best person to be asking about relationships. Clearly, he sucked at them. But, he wouldn't turn his brother away when he was opening up for once. "I need more details."

 

"We're friends, I suppose," John explained. "Friendly is probably a better word, but she's friendly with everyone. But her interest in being my friend was… surprising. We're quite different."

 

"Opposites attract, so they say," Peter said.

 

"I guess that's true in my case," John shrugged. "Not sure if she'd agree. Her boyfriend isn't exactly her polar opposite."

 

Peter winced. "Boyfriend, huh?"

 

John nodded. "The golden couple." He looked like he was trying his hardest to not roll his eyes. "Nauseating…"

 

"Don't get too jealous there, bro," Peter lightly teased.

 

"So, what do I do?" John asked.

 

Peter thought for a moment. "Do you wanna be with her?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Do you think she likes you back?"

 

"Possibly. The self doubter in me wants to say no, but there have been a few moments… We almost kissed at that stupid party."

 

"What par-" Oh, shit. That was when it clicked for Peter. "You like Hero?"

 

John hesitated, then once he'd realized he'd given too much away and couldn't deny it, he nodded.

 

"Okay, tell me what happened," Peter said, scooting forward a little.

 

"It was after you and Balthazar disappeared," John started. "I went with her to the kitchen to grab some brownies, and we were talking and then… I tried to kiss her. She started to lean in, too, but then pushed me away. I knew she wouldn't kiss me, I don't know why I even did it."

 

"What happened after that?"

 

"I apologized profusely, told her I was just drunk. I don't know if she believed that, it wasn't true, but she acted like she did."

 

So that explained why he'd left the party early. It wasn't because of Peter, it was because of Hero.

 

"Have you talked to her since then?" Peter asked.

 

"A couple of times," John answered. "But it's been… weird. I'm worried I've ruined it."

 

"John, you have to tell her you like her," Peter encouraged. "What if she likes you back, but thinks you just made a move because you were drunk?"

 

"She's with Claudio."

 

"Maybe she wants to be with you though," Peter said. "Look, I'm not saying you should sabotage their relationship or anything, but what if you're both in love but neither are brave enough to do anything about it? You said she almost kissed you back. We both know Hero wouldn't have even considered that if she didn't feel something. She wouldn't do that to Claudio."

 

John looked like he was considering Peter's words. Maybe he was getting through to him.

 

"So… I should tell her, even if it means I get hurt in the end?" John asked.

 

"If you think she's worth it, than absolutely," Peter said.

 

John looked up, giving Peter a sad smile. "Is Balthazar worth it?"

 

Peter froze. He _had_ been tricking him. But instead of getting angry and snapping at him, he thought about what had just been said in terms of him and Balthazar.

 

Peter was telling John to take the risk even if it meant he got burned, yet he hadn't been willing to do that himself. Maybe they wouldn't last, but what if they did? Why wasn't Peter willing to try? He knew why. He'd been hurt by Balth leaving and disappearing from his life once. What would happen if that happened twice? He'd be destroyed.

 

But in response to John's question… Yeah, Balth was worth it.

 

"Of course he is," Peter answered.

 

"I understand why you've done the things you have," John said. "And I know that it's probably partially my fault for planting seeds of doubt in your mind. But if he's worth the risk, you have to go tell him."

 

"Yeah, why are you helping me?" Peter asked, confused. "I thought you were against this? You told me you didn't think me and Balth would work."

 

"I did. And I guess I still believe that, to an extent," John admitted. "But now I'm doubting myself."

 

"What changed?"

 

"I saw you two together."

 

Peter smiled.

 

"I was afraid for you, because I thought you were going to get hurt by him again," John said. "Now I'm afraid that you won't even give yourself the chance to. You've wanted this for years, Peter. Do you really want to keep asking yourself 'what if'?"

 

Peter shook his head. "No, I don't."

 

John gestured towards the door. "Go then."

 

Peter hesitated. "He's not even answering my calls…"

 

"Yes, because you've been a dick," John said. Peter couldn't argue. "Are you going to fight for him or not?"

 

Yeah. Hell yeah, he was. He'd let Balthazar slip away once before. He'd be damned if he let it happen again. Fuck whatever he'd started to believe, him and Balthazar were going to get their happy ending just like he'd always thought.

 

Peter stood from the bed, frantically trying to put his shoes on standing up as he grabbed his keys and phone from around the room. He was about to walk out the door when he paused, turning to John.

 

"Wait, was this just a trap into making me realize my mistakes? Do you even like Hero?"

 

John smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I do."

 

Peter gave his brother a sympathetic smile and reached out to squeeze his shoulder.

 

"Don't," John said, shoving his hand away. "I don't want your sympathy. I want you to go talk to your boyfriend."

 

"I will," Peter said, smiling a real smile as he dashed out of his room. "I'll be back, bro! Maybe!"

 

He got to the end of the hall before he stopped in his tracks, turning right back around. "Forgot this," he said as he grabbed his mum's present for Balthazar from his room, and then running out one more time.

 

* * *

 

 

The roads from his house to Balthazar's were clear. The only cars on the road were the ones parked outside of homes. Everyone was inside their houses, spending Christmas Eve with their families. Peter would have felt bad for not doing the same if he didn't feel like this was one of the most important moments of his life. His heart was racing as he pulled up in front of the Jones' house, and he was terrified, but he didn't give himself the chance to talk himself out of it.

 

All the lights were on inside still. It was just turning nine, so Peter figured everyone was still awake. He thought about knocking, but he didn't want to be turned away by an angry Rosa or Jojo. He didn't doubt they knew what had happened. He thought about texting Balthazar, maybe try calling again, to ask him to let him in, but it seemed like Balth his phone turned off. Or he was just ignoring Peter. Either were likely.

 

A movement above him caught his eye, and he looked up just in time to see a shadow move across Balthazar's bedroom window. He was up there.

 

Peter wanted to climb through Balth's window, reminiscent of Balth climbing into his that first night he was back. But the problem with that, was that Balthazar's room was a little higher up than Peter's. Peter might have been an athlete back in high school, but no way could he climb up the side of Balth's house. So he settled for the most cliche romantic gesture he could think of.

 

He clutched Balth's present under his arm as he dug around the Jones' driveway for a minute, gathering a small handful of pebbles and rocks. Then, he threw one.

 

He could hear it as it hit, making the lightest clink against the window. He waited. No response. So he threw again, choosing a slightly larger rock this time and throwing a bit harder.

 

This time, the curtain in the window was pushed aside and Balthazar peaked out. Peter's breath caught in his throat. He looked like he was debating whether to open the window or not, but ultimately, he did.

 

"Peter, what is this?" Balthazar called down.

 

"I've come to talk," Peter explained. "You didn't answer my call."

 

"I turned my phone off," he said. "It's Christmas Eve."

 

"Yeah, I know. But… I need to talk to you."

 

Balthazar didn't look amused. "I heard everything you had to say. In the car, then to Ben. I don't want to hear anything else from you." He pulled away, starting to close the window.

 

"Please, Balthy!" Peter shouted, much louder than he intended. "Give me one chance."

 

"Shhhh," Balthy shushed him. "My family's in the living room." Peter pressed his lips together to silence himself. They stared at each other for a moment, Peter desperately trying to read Balth's face. Finally, Balthazar sighed. "Just… meet me out back. Let me sneak out of here."

 

He shut the window, and Peter went around the side of the house. He unlatched the gate leading to the backyard and stepped inside, shutting it and re-latching it behind him. There wasn't much in Balth's backyard. There was a swing set with only three swings, and one was meant for babies. It had been there for as long as Peter had known Balthazar.

 

He took a seat on one of the swings, present in his lap, as he waited for Balthazar. He showed up not much later, maybe a minute or two. As he came out of the backdoor, he shut it carefully and quietly behind him. He'd been literal when he said he was sneaking out, it seemed.

 

"You wanted to talk," Balthazar stated, sitting in the swing beside him.

 

"I'm sorry I'm a dick," Peter began. "I know it's hard to believe, but I wasn't trying to be."

 

Balthazar just stared at his feet, not saying anything, so Peter continued. If Balthazar wouldn't talk, that was fine. As long as he listened.

 

"You were not a fling," Peter continued, telling Balthazar this again. "This was _so_ much more than a fling, Balthazar. I think, at first, I tried to convince myself it was, because I didn't want to get my hopes up. I thought I was making things easier, but I was just fucking up."

 

"Get your hopes up about what?" Balthazar asked.

 

"About us actually being together."

 

Balthazar shook his head. "I wanted to be together though. You're the one who said we weren't dating. That was you."

 

"I know, I know," Peter swallowed, trying to find the right words to explain his state of mind. "I didn't think it'd work though."

 

"Because I'm leaving again."

 

"Yeah."

 

"And you don't want to do long distance?"

 

"It's not that I don't want to…" Peter said. "I just…"

 

Just what?" he asked.

 

Peter didn't know how to tell Balthazar how badly he'd been hurt when he left the first time. More than that, how awful it was when Balthazar stopped calling and texting. He knew if Balthazar knew how shit he'd felt, it would only make him feel shit, too. He'd already caused enough pain and trouble for Balth. He didn't want to cause more, but he didn't know how to have an open and honest conversation if he didn't say it.

 

"I worry that you'll stop caring about me again," Peter admitted in a low voice.

 

"Again?" Balth repeated. His face and voice both seemed to soften. "Pete, I've never stopped caring about you."

 

"Felt like it. When you left and then by the end of the year, I didn't even have your phone number anymore."

 

"I never meant to stop talking to you…" Balthazar said, then he sighed. "That's not true. I'm sorry."

 

Peter shifted nervously on the swing. "You stopped talking to me on purpose?" That changed things. Peter no longer fearing him and Balth would just drift apart again. But it didn't exactly make him feel better. The opposite, actually.

 

"It was when I started seeing Fred," Balthazar explained. "He was really great, and I liked him but he wasn't you. I knew that I had to move on, because we weren't together and I didn't think we ever would be. But I couldn't get over you and fully give myself to someone else if I was still waking up everyday, hoping for a text from you."

 

"So you got to move on and I got left behind," Peter said, letting out a dry, humorless laugh. "Cheers, Balth."

 

Maybe John had been right. Maybe he did have some abandonment issues surrounding Balthazar. This new information wasn't helping.

 

"Pete, I'm sorry," Balthazar said, genuine as always. "Your feelings for me were so unknown to me. God, I still don't know how you felt about me."

 

"Balthazar, I'm in love with you," Peter said and he was surprised at how easily it fell from his lips. It was both the hardest and the easiest thing he'd ever said. Also the truest. "I loved you when you left. I've had a crush on you since we were kids."

 

"Oh."

 

"Yeah… I always thought we were inevitable," Peter said softly, his voice barely above a whisper like he wasn't sure he even wanted to be saying this out loud. "Like, we never talked about it, always kind of danced around it, but I never saw a future where we didn't end up together.

 

"But then you left, and at first, I still had a little hope in the back of my mind. Like maybe… maybe you'd call me one day and tell me you wished we'd tried, or you'd come home and admit to being madly in love with or something. But, you never did. And as more time passed, I just accepted that you never would." He shook his head. "Thinking that was stupid though. I never even knew if you liked me or not. I just hoped."

 

"I liked you," Balthazar admitted. "I always liked you… I've liked you since we were thirteen."

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Peter asked.

 

"I don't know… I always thought you were too good for me, I guess."

 

Peter laughed, despite how serious the mood was. He had to laugh. Him too good for Balthazar? He'd never heard anything more ridiculous.

 

"Are you joking? Balthazar, if anything, you were too good for me. You still are."

 

Balthazar looked at his feet, shrugging. That was Balth. Never did know how to take a compliment.

 

"Yeah, well… you never said anything either," Balthazar pointed out.

 

Okay, Peter couldn't argue with that. He hadn't. And looking back, his reasoning hadn't been too different from Balthazar's. Balthazar was the sweetest, most beautiful person Peter had ever known. He certainly could do a lot better than Peter - and he had. Fred Boyet, for example. And all the other guys he'd been linked to. He probably could have had those guys even if he wasn't famous. He was just as amazing back in school, which was a reason why Peter had never made a move either.

 

That, and because he had been scared out of his mind to risk ruining things. As much as he thought they'd eventually end up together, he never thought about how it would actually happen. Neither have them had ever been brave enough to do anything.

 

"No, but I almost kissed you once," Peter admitted. "Well, I thought about kissing you more than once, but the day you left, I actually almost did it."

 

Balthazar seemed surprised. "Why didn't you?"

 

"Um, you were crying," Peter remembered. "It kind of didn't feel like a good time."

 

"Oh, don't blame me," Balthazar said, cracking a smile. Peter smiled back.

 

"I'm not! But, come on, you can't blame me either. Who wants their first kiss with the person they love to be when one of them is sobbing?"

 

"Okay, I was not sobbing -"

 

"Pretty much."

 

Balthazar stood up and for a split second, a panic ran through Peter, fearing he'd said something wrong and Balthazar was getting up to go inside again. So he was pleasantly surprised when instead, Balthazar came to stand in front of him, cupped his face in his hands, and kissed him.

 

Peter grabbed onto Balthazar's forearms, holding on for dear life, terrified this might be another dream or that Balthazar might pull away. He did break the kiss eventually, but he didn't pull back much.

 

"Hey…" Balthazar whispered, staring into Peter's eyes with an intensity that took Peter's breath away. "I'm madly in love with you."

 

Peter grinned. "Always hoped you were."

 

Balthazar kissed him again, and Peter wrapped an arm around his waist. He tried pulling him into his lap, but there was something between them - literally.

 

"Oh, I meant to ask…" Balthazar said, stepping back to point to the present in Peter's lap. "What's that?"

 

"A present," Peter said, picking it up and handing it to Balthazar. "It's Christmas."

 

"I know it is," Balthazar said, cautiously beginning to unwrap it. "What is it?"

 

Peter laughed. "Open it and find out."

 

"You didn't have to get me a gift," Balthazar insisted as he tore off the paper. With a teasing grin, he added, "You are my gift."

 

Peter groaned, feigning disgust, but couldn't wipe the smile off his face. "Is that how it's gonna be now then? We're just gonna be those super sappy, cheesy boyfriends?"

 

Balthazar shrugged, grinning.

 

"Besides, I didn't get you anything," Peter admitted. "My mum knitted that for you."

 

"Aw, Pete's mum," Balthazar said, as he pulled the sweater from the wrapping. The sweater was simple and blue, but Peter knew Balth would look good in it. "This is so nice."

 

"Yeah, she knows how much you like your old man sweaters," Peter teased.

 

"Hey," Balthazar said in mock offense. He draped the sweater over his arm so that he could put his hands on Peter again, resting them on his shoulders. Peter's arm found it's way around Balth's waist again. "You love my old man sweaters."

 

"Yeah, I do," Peter said. "Love you, too."

 

Peter stood up, because it was weird having Balthazar have the height advantage and he didn't like that he had to wait for Balth to lean down and kiss him. So he stood and pressed his lips to Balth's, pulling close.

 

"So… you are my boyfriend, then?" Balthazar asked when they'd stopped kissing, his voice hopeful.

 

"Yeah, I'm your boyfriend," Peter said, and he was doing a terrible job at not being incredibly giddy as he said it. He couldn't believe it was true.

 

Peter Donaldson: Boyfriend to Balthazar Jones.

 

Peter Adrian Donaldson was boyfriends with Stanley Balthazar Jones.

 

Peter and Balthazar were boyfriends.

 

Holy hell. Dreams did come true.

 

"There's a lot more I want to say to you," Peter said. "But I also really want to kiss you some more."

 

"Talk later, kiss now," Balthazar said.

 

Peter nodded eagerly in agreement, and then they were kissing again.

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar snuck Peter up to his room. His entire family was downstairs, in both the living room and the kitchen. It wasn't like they were hiding from them, they just wanted to be alone for awhile without having to stop and chat to people.

 

They did end up in Balthazar's bed, just kissing for awhile, only breaking up when Jojo knocked on Balth's door and asked if he was asleep.

 

"Yeah," Balthazar said as he faked a yawn. Peter bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. "Super tired."

 

"Okay," Jojo shouted through the door. "See you in the morning. 'Night!"

 

"Goodnight," Balthazar said.

 

He reached for Peter again, and they were about to lock lips, thinking Jojo had gone when she added, "And goodnight, Peter!" They both froze, and when neither of them said anything, Jojo laughed. "Everyone saw you two outside. We have windows, Balthy."

 

Balthazar buried his face in Peter's shoulder, embarrassed, and Peter laughed. "Merry Christmas, Jojo!" Peter called.

 

"Merry Christmas, Peter," she said, and he could the hear the smile in her voice. Then he heard her footsteps going down the hall.

 

Peter craned his neck downwards, trying to look at Balthazar. "Oops," he said.

 

Balthazar looked up at him, face red and a smile on his face. "Well, my family knows you're here now. So you can probably leave through the front door."

 

"You kicking me out?" Peter scoffed.

 

Balthazar's grip around him tightened. "No, I'm not," he said. "I just thought you'd want to be home in the morning."

 

"Eh, I can probably crash here," Peter said. "We don't open presents until like, ten."

 

Balthazar looked offended. "That's so late."

 

"What time do you all open presents?" he asked.

 

"Like, seven."

 

Peter groaned. "Ew, why?"

 

"Because it's Christmas, Peter," Balthazar said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

"On second thought, I'll be leaving now," Peter joked, beginning to sit up until Balthazar pushed him back down again, climbing on top of him. "Or not…"

 

"Stay?" Balthazar asked, eyebrows raised in question as he stared down at Peter.

 

"You're literally straddling me right now," Peter pointed out, his hands coming up to rest on Balthazar's thighs. "I couldn't move if I wanted to, which I definitely do not want to."

 

Balthazar smiled and leaned in for quick kiss. "You'll stay the night then?" he asked. He kissed him again. "Even if it means waking up at seven?" Another kiss.

 

Peter could only nod in response, lips parted in anticipation of another kiss. He smiled into it when it came. "You're very persuasive."

 

Balthazar wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Peter laugh.

 

"Your family won't care if I crash Christmas morning?" he asked.

 

"My family loves you," Balthazar said with no hesitance.

 

"Even your sisters?" Peter had to ask. He still wasn't sure if they knew about their fight. Though Jojo had seemed cheerful in their brief interaction.

 

"I didn't tell them about what happened," Balthazar said, stunning Peter.

 

"I thought you would have… Why not?"

 

Balthazar shrugged, suddenly looking bashful. Peter squeezed his thigh to reassure him. "You know how you said earlier, that you always thought we were inevitable?" Peter nodded. "I still felt that way. Even after today. Didn't wanna have them mad at you when we finally worked things out."

 

Peter smiled up at Balthazar, trying to understand how this was his life. How he, of all people, ended up with Balthazar Jones. How after everything, they'd both held out hope for the other. Peter had almost given up, he'd admit, but thank God he hadn't.

 

"This is good," he said softly, raising a hand to cup one of Balthazar's cheeks. "I think we're gonna be really good."

 

Balthazar smiled as he leaned into Peter's touch. "I think so, too."

 

* * *

 

 

**25th of December**

 

Christmas morning started off perfectly. A bit too early for Peter's liking, but still perfect. He spent at least an hour on the couch next to Balthazar, his head on his shoulder as he whispered jokes and flirty comments into his ear, and tried not to fall back asleep. Everyone around him was opening presents and laughing and talking excitedly, and Peter had never felt more at home in a place that wasn't his actual home.

 

The present opening portion of the morning was hectic, but things settled down afterwards. Balth's parents were in the kitchen making breakfast with Rosa, and Jojo was helping the twins navigate the new phones Balthazar had bought for them. Peter and Balth hadn't moved from the couch. Like the twins, Peter had his phone in his hand. He had Balthazar's discography opened, and was playing a fun game called 'Was This Song Written About Me?'

 

"If I Didn't was obviously about you," Balthazar told him. "It's about unrequited love, Pete."

 

"It's obvious now, but I didn't know!" Peter said in defense of himself. "And it wasn't unrequited, by the way."

 

"That's obvious now," Balthazar echoed Peter. "But I didn't know. What song next? Although I can almost guarantee it's about you. They all are."

 

"Sixteen?" Peter asked.

 

"Seriously? You didn't know that was about you?"

 

"It was?"

 

"Who else could that have been about? I was still here when I was sixteen."

 

"You left when you were sixteen. Could have been about anyone."

 

Balthazar considered that, and seemed to understand Peter's doubt. "It was about you," he confirmed.

 

Peter ducked his head down to hide his grin. "Cool… Fish in the Sea?"

 

"Definitely about you."

 

Peter's grin widened, a little smug now.

 

Balthazar noticed. "Okay," he laughed. "Are we just playing this game to stroke your ego or what?"

 

"No… but it is doing that," Peter admitted, laughing. "I can't believe that one's about me. I used to listen to it and think 'wow, this is exactly how I feel about Balthazar'. You know, thinking about you being the one that got away and everything…"

 

"It's so dumb that we felt the same way about each other," Balthazar said, rolling his eyes at their stupidity. "We could have been celebrating our five year anniversary by now."

 

Peter laughed. "We're idiots."

 

"Such idiots," Balthazar sighed. He looked genuinely frustrated, and Peter was a little endeared by it. He leaned in to kiss the frown off his face.

 

"We got here in the end though," Peter said, resting his forehead against Balth's. "That's all that matters."

 

Balthazar kissed Peter, only to be interrupted by the sound of Rosa clearing her throat as she entered the room.

 

"Can you two seriously not keep your hands to yourself for one minute?" she asked.

 

"No," they answered in unison, laughing at their synchronized response.

 

Rosa rolled her eyes. "Food's ready, if you want to come eat."

 

"Oh, shit, what time is it?" Peter asked, looking at his phone again to check the time. How had two hours passed already? It felt like they'd just gotten downstairs. "I think I should get home."

 

"You sure you don't want breakfast first?" Balthazar asked, standing up as Peter did. Jojo and the twins also got up from where they'd been sitting on the floor by the tree, following Rosa back into the kitchen.

 

"It's past nine," Peter said. "John's probably up by now. Present opening will commence soon. Should probably be there for that."

 

Balthazar nodded. "I'll walk you out."

 

They stopped in the kitchen on their way to the front door, so Peter could say goodbye to the Jones' family.

 

"I'm sure we'll see you tomorrow," Rosa said when Peter tried to go in for a goodbye hug. She walked past him, leaving him awkwardly standing there with his arms open.

 

Jojo came over, accepting the hug that Rosa had rejected. "Have a merry Christmas, Peter," she said.

 

"You, too, Jojo," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

 

"'Course," she nodded, smiling at him as she followed in Rosa's direction, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

 

Balthazar's dad clapped Peter on the shoulder as he past by with a platter of scrambled eggs. "It was nice seeing you again. Feels just like old times around here."

 

"Better than old times, I'd say," Balthazar said from where he was standing behind Peter, in the doorway of the kitchen. Peter glanced over his shoulder at him, sending him a soft smile.

 

"I wouldn't agree with that necessarily," Balthazar's mum said, crossing the kitchen to set plates on the table. "Old times didn't involve us having to say goodbye to you."

 

She looked like she was about to be emotional, which Peter completely understood. It was hard for him having to say goodbye to Balthazar. He couldn't imagine how his mum felt. That was her baby leaving her.

 

"It is nice having you around again though," she said. She looked between Peter and Balthazar. "Both of you. Let's try to make this a regular thing, yeah?"

 

Peter and Balthazar both nodded. "I'm gonna try, mum," Balthazar promised. "Trust me. There's nowhere else I'd rather be then here."

 

His mum gave them a watery smile, nodding. "I know, baby." She spread her arms as she stepped towards Peter, and he stepped into her embrace. "You've made my boy very happy this week," she said. "Thank you."

 

"I try," Peter said, not really knowing how to respond to that. It did warm his heart to hear, and to know that either Balthazar had told his mum about Peter, or he'd just been so obviously in love and happy that she couldn't have helped but notice. Or both. Either way, Peter was happy to have made Balthazar happy.

 

"Are you two alright?" she asked as she pulled back, looking between the two boys. "I know tomorrow won't be easy…"

 

Balthazar stepped forward, taking Peter's hand. "We're alright."

 

Peter squeezed Balth's hand, looking at him as he smiled. "Definitely alright."

 

"I'm gonna walk Pete out," Balthazar told his family. He looked over at the twins. "Say bye, kiddos."

 

"Bye, kiddos," they echoed together.

 

Peter laughed and used to free hand to reach out and ruffle their hair as he passed each of them. "Bye, Jones' family. Merry Christmas."

 

Balthazar guided Peter out of the kitchen and to the front door, where Peter stopped to lean down and kiss Balthazar's lips.

 

"This morning was nice," Balthazar said, his arms slowly wrapping around Peter's waist. "I think this was my dream happy place come to life. My family and you on Christmas morning."

 

Peter smiled. "Happy to make your dreams come true, Balthy."

 

"You really have," Balthazar said. Despite the smile on his face and the laugh in his voice, Peter could tell he was serious, and he was talking about more than just that morning.

 

"I'm glad you had a good morning," Peter said. "Can I make tomorrow morning a good one, too? Or are you leaving early?" As hard as it still was to talk about Balth leaving, he was trying to accept it.

 

"I have to go to the airport at like, two," Balthazar told him. "So, yeah, we can have tomorrow morning."

 

Peter kissed Balthazar again. "Good. I'll see you at noon-ish?"

 

"Noon-ish," Balthazar confirmed.

 

They kissed once more before Peter forced himself out of the door, knowing if he didn't, he'd stand there and kiss Balthazar all day.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, mister!" Peter's mum shouted as soon as she heard the front door shut behind Peter. He grimaced. Fuck, was he in trouble? No, he couldn't be. He went in and out of the house all the time, and he'd never gotten in trouble before.

 

"Yeah?" Peter asked, walking into the living room, where his entire family was.

 

"Where were you all night?" his mum asked, sounding less angry and more concerned since he'd been "sick" and then had gone out all night.

 

"At my boyfriend's house," Peter responded, proud. From the couch, John gave him a thumbs up.

 

"Oh, you're calling Balthazar your boyfriend now?" his mum asked.

 

"Balthazar is my boyfriend now," Peter confirmed, unable to wipe the grin off his face as he said it. He fell onto the couch next to John. "Me and Balthazar. A couple."

 

John tried and failed not to smile. "About time."

 

"You said it."

 

"Well, congratulations," Peter's dad said, standing from his chair. "But, can we open presents now? We've been waiting forever."

 

"We've been awake for twenty minutes, Bill," his mum said, playfully rolling her eyes at her husband. "You're worse than the kids."

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later and Peter had just finished dumping his new things into his room. When he was younger, his older relatives and his parents used to always get him clothes and socks, and he'd gotten so annoyed whenever he unwrapped a present and found those instead of toys. But now, he had an armful of new clothes and socks, and he was thrilled about it. Socks were so necessary, how had he ever hated getting them?

 

"Come get food!" John called out as he passed by Peter's door after doing the same thing with his presents.

 

"I'm coming!" he shouted back. He was halfway to his door when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

It was a text from Balthazar.

 

 _'hey am i spending the night with you tonight?'_ it read.

 

 _'you can but you don't have to but you should,'_ Peter texted back.

 

_'okay :) i might be over later than noonish then. my family wants me for a bit longer'_

 

_'understandable. balthazar time is very sought after and important. just come when u can.'_

 

_'i'll be there before dinner at the latest.'_

 

_'okay :)'_

 

_'okay i have to go be an active member of the family, see you later and i love you'_

 

Peter smiled at his phone. The first 'I love you' via text (at least, the first one that wasn't meant in a platonic way). It was a nice moment. Very, very nice. Peter took a screenshot of it before he texted back.

 

_'i love you too. have fun with the fam.'_

 

* * *

 

 

Peter accidentally took a five hour nap. He hadn't meant to, and he didn't really know how it had happened. He'd eaten a huge breakfast, with pancakes and potatoes and bacon, and then sat around the table for awhile after, talking with his family. It felt like it'd been awhile since all four of them were able to sit all together and have family time.

 

Peter finally got to give them full length Costa stories. His parents didn't believe half of them, but there was no way Peter could make any of Costa's nonsense up. He was just that unbelievable - in a good way, of course.

 

He told them Balthazar stories, too. Him and John recounted their tree decorating shenanigans. ("So _that's_ why there's tinsel all over this house," their mum had said.) He told her that Balthazar had loved his sweater, and that he'd come over later so she could see it on him.

 

His parents pried a little, asking about how they'd finally gotten together because yeah, Peter had denied loving Balthazar to everyone but no one had believed him. Even his parents could tell he'd been smitten with his best friend, even way back when they were kids.

 

("When you came out to us as bisexual," his mum had said as Peter shoved pancakes into his mouth. "I was waiting for you to also tell us you were seeing him. I thought you'd been sneaking around for a year already, the way you two acted around each other.")

 

Then, around eleven, John went to play the new video game Peter had bought him, so Peter went up to his own room. One minute, he was texting with Ben, telling him 'Merry Christmas' and making sure they were okay after their fight (they were), then he was fast asleep.

 

When he woke up, he was groggy and confused and not knowing what time or day it was. The sun was still out. Was it afternoon still? The next morning? He was still tired, so he probably hadn't slept for that long. He rolled over onto his back, picking his phone up to check it.

 

It was nearly five. Okay, that wasn't so bad. He'd missed a few texts from Ben, but seeing as how he was busy with his own family and with the Dukes, Peter didn't feel too bad for leaving him hanging. There were a few new texts, in the group chat, but also some sent just to him from Hero, Claudio and Freddie. The obligatory Christmas text. Freddie said his gift was in the mail still and Peter texted back, letting her know he'd send her gift back with Ben.

 

Once he'd replied to all his texts, he went to Instagram. And holy shit, did he have a lot of notifications. When Balthazar first posted a photo of him, he'd been shocked by how many notifications he got. People liking the photo, people following him and going through his own photos commenting on anything of Balthazar. The notifications had dwindled after the first 24 hours of being mentioned on there, but now they were going up again. He checked Balthazar's account.

 

"What the hell?" he whispered to himself.

 

Balthazar had posted a lot more than normal in the last 12 hours. There were a lot of photos of his family, understandable since it was Christmas after all, and his last day with them for awhile probably. Then there were the three photos that were the reason for Peter's shitload of notifications.

 

One was a picture of Balthazar standing in front of his Christmas tree, just a simple, cute picture. The caption read 'Merry Christmas! thanks @pdonaldson's mum for the sweater'.

 

The next two were the reason for Peter's confusion.

 

One was a photo with John (the caption: 'my second favorite Donaldson'), the next was one with Mrs. Donaldson (the caption: 'my first favorite Donaldson - sorry @pdonaldson').

 

Peter sat up, stretching, before getting up from his bed and wandering into the living room, where he saw his parents, brother and boyfriend all sitting and talking as they watched a movie on the TV.

 

"I was asleep, and you just come into my house to take selfies with my family?" Peter asked as he entered the room. Everyone turned to look at him, but he was grinning at Balthazar.

 

Balthazar smiled back at him. "Yeah, didn't wanna wake you," he said.

 

Him and John both scooted over, making room for Peter to sit on the other side of Balthazar. Despite all eyes being on them, Peter still greeted Balth with a quick kiss on the cheek. "How long have you been here?" he asked.

 

"Just a couple hours," Balth said, shrugging. "They've kept me company. Don't worry, sleepyface."

 

"Doesn't he look so handsome in his sweater, Pete?" his mum asked, smiling at them from one of the chairs, a cup of something steaming in her hand.

 

Peter nodded, giving Balthazar a once-over. He'd seen him in the sweater already, but he'd always take an excuse to look at Balth. "So handsome," he agreed easily.

 

Balthazar blushed, and Peter had to bite his lip to stop himself from kissing him.

 

"Your boyfriend sucks at video games," John said, pulling Peter's attention away from Balth momentarily. "I beat him in every round."

 

"Hey," Peter said, offended on Balthazar's behalf. "Maybe he let you win, because it's Christmas and he's very generous."

 

Balthazar shook his head. "No, I do suck." Peter pat him on the thigh comfortingly.

 

"So you played games with John," Peter noted. "You took selfies with him and my mum. What else have you been doing, running amuck in my house?"

 

"He made us hot chocolate," his mum answered for him, raising her cup.

 

"With marshmallows," Balthazar whispered menacingly into Peter's ear. Peter glared at him, making Balthazar laugh. "I can make you some without, don't worry. You want?"

 

Peter nodded. "Yeah, I'll help."

 

They got up, walking into the kitchen where Balthazar started opening up cabinets and pulling out mugs and cocoa mix like he'd lived there forever.

 

Peter leaned against the counter, watching him with a small smile on his face. "I like how much you like my family," he said.

 

Balthazar looked up from where he was pouring milk into a mug. "You're not weirded out that I was here, right? You were asleep when I got here and I knew you were tired this morning, so I -"

 

"Balthy," Peter cut him off, laughing. "I like that you were here. I might make that picture of you and my mum my new phone background. Precious."

 

Balth smiled. "Okay, good."

 

"I'm serious," Peter assured him. "You feeling at home here's important to me. And I like the idea of waking up to you just, around my house. If this was an everyday thing, I don't think anything would make me happier."

 

"Well, maybe one day you can wake up to me everyday…" Balthazar said nervously, slowly stirring the mix into the mug and purposely not making eye contact with Peter. Like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to say stuff like that yet.

 

Peter moved in to kiss him, and Balthazar let go of the spoon he'd been holding so he could touch Peter's face. "That'd be nice one day," Peter said softly.

 

"Yeah," Balthazar smiled, letting out what sounded like a sigh of relief. "It would be."

 

Once his drink was ready, Peter sipped it as he waited for Balthazar to make another one for himself.

 

"Back to the movie?" Balthazar asked once he had his hot chocolate in hand.

 

Peter could hear Polar Express on in the living room, a movie he'd loved as a kid, and he could admit that he was looking forward to sitting down and watching it again. "Yeah, but real quick…" he said, setting his mug down so he could grab Balthazar's face, pulling him in for a kiss. He felt one of Balth's hands on his waist, his fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt.

 

"Okay," Peter grinned as he pulled away, retrieving his drink again.

 

"Okay," Balthazar repeated, a matching grin on his face.

 

"I'll never get tired of that, just so you know," Peter told him.

 

"Neither will I," Balthazar said. "Been waiting way to do it for a long, long time."

 

Wasn't that the truth? For nearly six years, he'd been wanting to kiss him. For three of those years, Peter had been aching just to be _near_ Balthazar again. Finally being able to kiss him felt like like all of his wishes come true.

 

He pecked Balth's lips one more time before he wrapped an arm around his shoulders, walking alongside him back to the living room to join his family.

 

* * *

 

 

Movie night ended up lasting much longer than anyone anticipated. Once Polar Express ended, everyone gathered in the kitchen to eat. His mum had cooked a turkey, and there were potatoes and greens and macaroni. Once the meal was over, everyone looked like they were about to go their separate ways, until John announced that the Grinch was on TV and no one wanted to miss it.

 

Then, Elf was on (which Balthazar had a random dislike for, but everyone else was excited about it, so Balth endured it), and then some bad TV Christmas movie that they hate-watched and made fun of the entire time.

 

Peter's mum fell asleep halfway through that one, and John had been yawning since Elf started, so they decided that it was time to go to bed. Peter's dad woke his wife up, telling her to come to bed, and everyone slowly started trailing out of the room.

 

"Balthazar, are you sleeping here tonight?" Mr. Donaldson asked.

 

"Um, yes, if that's alright?" Balthazar asked, as if he hadn't spent a couple nights there already.

 

"Of course it is, sweetie," Mrs. Donaldson answered. "You know you're always welcome to stay here."

 

She gave Balthazar a big hug, then one to Peter and John as well. "Goodnight, boys," she said. "I hope you had a good Christmas."

 

"It was good, mum," John said.

 

"Yeah, it was great," Peter agreed, smiling as his parents went off to bed. He turned to John. "You going to bed?"

 

"Definitely," he said, already heading off in that direction. Peter and Balthazar followed behind him, going towards Peter's room. "Night. Say goodbye before you go tomorrow, Balthazar."

 

Balthazar smiled. "I will. Goodnight."

 

"Night, bro," Peter said as they shut the doors of their rooms.

 

Balthazar fell onto the bed and Peter climbed up beside him. They laid facing each other, Peter laying his hand in between them and Balthazar taking the hint, resting his hand on top of Peter's.

 

"Good day," Balthazar said.

 

"Very good," Peter agreed. "This is the first Christmas in awhile that's actually felt like Christmas is supposed to feel."

 

"Really? Even without the snow and the scarves?" Balth teased.

 

Peter smiled. "Yeah. It still felt…"

 

"Magical?" Balth asked.

 

"Magical," Peter repeated. "Exactly."

 

"I kind of feel like an asshole, because I didn't get you anything."

 

"You didn't know we'd be seeing so much of each other," Peter said, understanding. "And then you didn't really have time since you were with me literally ninety percent of the time."

 

"Still. I feel bad."

 

"Don't. I don't care. But if you do care, I'm sure there's something you could do to make up for it."

 

A slow smirk spread on Balthazar's face as he scooted closer, bumping his nose against Peter's. His hand fell to his waist. "I'm sure there is…"

 

"Hey," Peter said, scandalized. "I was going to say you could come back into town later next year to be my date to a concert, but…"

 

Balth's face flushed. "Oh."

 

"No, no, I think I like your idea better," Peter said before connecting their lips.

 

* * *

 

 

Afterwards, Balthazar laid with his head resting on Peter's shoulder and his arm around his waist, absentmindedly tracing shapes onto the bare skin of his stomach.

 

"Really gonna miss this," Balthazar sighed. Peter could feel his breath on his neck.

 

"The sex or the cuddling?" Peter questioned.

 

"Well, both," Balthazar answered. "But I meant just… this, in general. Us. You."

 

Peter squeezed Balthazar tighter. He knew Balthazar was leaving, and he'd known that all along. He'd accepted that, but fuck if it wouldn't be the hardest thing in the world saying goodbye to him, especially after all that had happened.

 

"You aren't having doubts, right?" Balthazar asked, raising his head to look up at Peter. "I just want to make sure you know that we'll be okay."

 

Was he having doubts?

 

Yes. Kind of. Maybe.

 

The thing was, Peter didn't know how to not doubt himself. He used to be so sure of himself, so confident, but over the last year or so, that had slipped away from him. And maybe he still had some lingering worries that stemmed from the last time Balth left, but he knew Balthazar had had his reasons, and those reasons didn't apply anymore.

 

He doubted himself a lot, but he didn't want to doubt Balthazar or what they had. He knew how much they loved each other.

 

"I know we'll be okay," Peter told him.

 

"We will," Balthazar said, sounding so confident that those two words alone nearly washed away every single one of Peter's own doubts.

 

"I know," Peter nodded. "I'm kind of scared, but. I have faith in us."

 

"Please don't be scared," Balthazar said. "Please. If you're scared because of what I did before… don't be. I was just distancing myself to try and save myself the pain. Because I loved you, but I didn't think you loved me back. I thought the time for us happening was done, and I was just trying to move on."

 

"Sounds like what I've been doing," Peter said. "Trying to save myself the pain."

 

"Doesn't work, does it?" Balth asked.

 

"Doesn't fucking work at all."

 

Balthazar sighed. "Neither of us have been very smart about this. But, here we are."

 

"The two idiots finally figured it out," Peter laughed.

 

"It's a Christmas miracle."

 

And it really was.

 

* * *

 

 

**26th of December**

 

Goodbye To Balthazar day started at nine in the morning, when Balthazar said his farewells to the three other Donaldsons after spending two hours in bed with Peter.

 

Next, they went around to see Ben, Bea, Claudio, Hero and Meg so Balthazar could say their goodbyes to them, and also so they could tell their friends that yes, they were finally a couple. (No one was surprised, but everyone was happy for them.)

 

By noon, they were back at the Jones' house. Peter considered going back home until it was time for Balthazar to head to the airport, so he could have one on one time with his family, but Balthazar forced him to say. (Maybe not by force, but he'd asked Peter to stay and really, did anyone expect Peter to say no when Balth looked at him with those big, blue eyes?)

 

That afternoon, they had a huge lunch that Balthazar's mum had cooked up consisting of all of Balthazar's favorite foods. It was a weird combination of entrees and sides that didn't usually go together, but no one said anything, just happily ate them.

 

But by one-thirty, the mood had dropped significantly as Tanya arrived, and Balthazar started loading his bags into her rental car. Because the airport would more than likely be hectic, with Balthazar getting stopped by paparazzi and fans alike, everyone was saying their goodbyes beforehand, because Balthazar would be leaving with Tanya.

 

"I don't want you to leave," Jojo said as she clung to her brother, hugging him and refusing to let go.

 

Peter had never felt more connected to Jojo in his life.

 

Balthazar wrapped his arms around his sister. "I know," he said. "I don't want to leave either. But, I'll be back."

 

Everyone was in the living room, everyone huddled around Balthazar, getting in their final hugs and goodbyes. His mum was crying, the twins were both pouting, and Jojo looked like she was about to lose it herself. Balthazar didn't look completely dry-eyed either.

 

And Peter had been on the verge of tears since he watched Balthazar hug John goodbye.

 

Peter stood by the door, watching as Balthazar spent a good couple of minutes with each member of his family. He tried not to cry (though that became increasingly difficult as he watched a tear roll down Balth's cheek as he hugged his mum).

 

"Tanya's waiting outside, so I probably shouldn't keep her waiting," Balthazar said, giving his mum one final hug.

 

"Please call when you get off your flight, okay?" his mum told him. "I know it'll be a long one, but I don't care what time it is. When you land, call me."

 

"I will, I promise."

 

"When are you coming back again?" Rosa asked.

 

"I'm really going to try to be back early next year," Balthazar promised as he slung his carry on bag over his shoulder.

 

"Are you?" Rosa questioned.

 

"I swear."

 

Peter believed him. They'd had a long talk about that that morning, about how Balthazar was pushed and worked too hard, and how he had to start demanding time off. He had the right to call the shots and actually start enjoying his music career again.

 

"Walk me out?" Balthazar asked Peter, who nodded eagerly.

 

There was one more round of hugs and 'I love you's', then Balthazar and Peter were walking outside. They ended up in nearly the same spot of the yard where they'd said goodbye three years ago.

 

"Déjà vu, huh?" Peter asked. He kicked the ground. "I hate this."

 

Balthazar laughed, but it sounded forced. "Hey, don't take it out on the ground. I'm sure this patch of grass doesn't want to be our 'goodbye' spot."

 

"I sat here and cried after you left last time," Peter admitted. "Sorry, I don't have any reason to not hate this spot. It was just bad times after you left, and it started right here."

 

Balthazar stepped forward, taking Peter's hands in his. "It won't be bad like that again… I mean, it won't be easy because of the distance, but. I think we can deal with that, can't we?"

 

"Balthazar, you liked me when I had my mullet. If we got through that, we can get through anything. This is true love right here."

 

He was trying to lighten the mood with the mullet joke, even though he knew it was pointless. Balthazar's eyes were still wet from saying goodbye to his family, and Peter was getting closer and closer to crying. He just didn't want his last moments of this week with Balthazar be sad. He wanted to remember him smiling.

 

"I know, I just… I really just want to make sure you're not having doubts or anything, are you?" Balthazar asked for the second time, the concern evident in his tone.

 

"I'm not," Peter shook his head, pausing before saying anything else, gathering his thoughts. "I think we've both been pretty miserable lately," he finally said. "You hate your job. I've been lost and scared. But, I think we're both a little less miserable when we're together, so we should keep it that way."

 

Balthazar smiled, looking relieved. "That sounds about right, yeah. You've always made me ridiculously happy, Pete. Whether that's in person or on the phone or through a computer screen, it'll always be you. You'll always be my person."

 

Peter responded to that in the best way he knew how, by pulling Balthazar in to kiss him. He dropped his hands so he could hold onto his face. They'd spent most of the morning kissing, not to mention the night before, but Peter still felt like he could kiss him for hours.

 

He didn't want to regret not kissing him for longer. So he didn't break the kiss until Balthazar did, and then he wrapped him in his arms, hugging him tight.

 

"I love you," Peter said, his voice muffled as his face was pressed into Balthazar's shoulder.

 

"I love you, too," Balthazar replied. Peter would never get tired of hearing that. Balthazar pulled away so he could rest his forehead against Peter's, gazing into his eyes. "I really, really do."

 

Peter's heart raced. "Stay with me," he whispered. He hadn't tried to convince Balth to say, knowing it was pointless, but this was his half-assed attempt.

 

Balthazar laughed, but much like his one before, it didn't sound genuine. "I want to," he said. He kissed Peter again. "But, I have to go."

 

"Fine, go be a super talented and successful rockstar, I guess," Peter said, and this time the smile on Balth's face looked a lot more real. "I already miss you though."

 

"I'll call you the second I can," Balth promised. "Or text you. Whichever."

 

"As long as I hear from you, I don't care."

 

"You will, don't worry," Balthazar said.

 

Behind them, Tanya honked the horn of the car and Peter shot a glare in that direction, not caring if she saw or not.

 

"What if I just refused to let you go?" Peter asked, tightening his grip around Balth's waist. "Would Tanya have me murdered?"

 

Balthazar snorted. "How much power do you think she has, Pete? She can't have you killed, I promise. You might just have to come with me if you don't let go."

 

"That could be fun," Peter said, half considering it.

 

"I have a pretty nice flat in London that I stay when I'm there," Balth said. "Come see it sometime?"

 

"Yes," Peter agreed, not having to think about it. "I'm there."

 

Balth smiled. "Seriously?"

 

"Yeah, obviously. I know you won't be able to make it back here all the time, but I'll definitely come see you."

 

That seemed to make Balthazar absolutely light up, the smile on his face was so bright, like he hadn't even thought that Peter would want to come visit him.

 

"Okay, we'll make plans later then," Balthazar said. Peter nodded. "Okay, good."

 

Peter kissed him one more time, keeping it as brief as he could in fear of Tanya honking at them again.

 

"I love you," he said.

 

Balthazar smiled. "I love you, too. I'll talk to you soon, alright?"

 

Peter walked alongside Balthazar as they approached Tanya's car. He opened the door for his boyfriend, standing there as he got inside.

 

"Bye, Tanya," Peter said, waving to her from outside Balth's side of the car.

 

She gave a small wave back. "Goodbye, Balthazar's boyfriend."

 

"I like that name, thank you," Peter said, before turning his attention to Balthazar again. "Bye, boyfriend."

 

Balthazar seemed just as giddy as Peter over that label. "Goodbye," he said.

 

Peter leaned up to kiss Balthazar one final time before he shut the car door and took a step back. Him and Balthazar held eye contact for as long as they could as Tanya drove away, and then Balth was out of sight.

 

He didn't cry this time once Balth was gone. He was sad, and seeing Balth go hurt like nothing else Peter had ever experienced. But, he didn't feel as empty as he had last time. There was no fear or doubt anymore.

 

It might have had something to do with the text he got not five minutes after Balth drove away, the one that read _'i love you and i miss you already. i'll see you soon. :)'_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**31st of December / 1st of January**

 

The bar was crowded and hot and somehow made Peter feel sticky. And the music and the crowd were all so loud, he could barely hear his friends around him.

 

He felt wonderful.

 

Everyone was drunk and happy, and he had Ben practically in his lap as he cackled into his ear about Beatrice's joke that Peter hadn't even heard because of the noise, but he was still laughing along.

 

There were ten minutes to midnight, and everyone had begun to pair off for their midnight kisses. Ben and Beatrice were standing beside him, Ben now with his arms wrapped around her. Paige and Chelsey were dancing beside them. Meg was with some stranger she'd been flirting with all night, a boy whose name Peter hadn't caught.

 

Peter was alone amongst the crowd, but he was fine that way. He had his phone in hand, waiting for a text from Balthazar. New Years hadn't happened for him yet, as he was in a different timezone, but they both had memorized the difference between their countries and knew what time it was for the other at any given moment.

 

It had only been five days since Balthazar had left, so maybe it was too early to tell, but Peter was already so confident about their relationship. They talked as often as they possibly could with the annoying difference in time, but they were managing really well.

 

And with Peter's work on Faustus on top of things with Balth, Peter didn't think he'd ever been happier.

 

The new year was off to a beautiful start, and Peter couldn't think of anything that would make it more perfect.

 

Or maybe he could…

 

"Holy shit, Peter," Ben shouted in his ear. Peter winced. "You said you weren't going to have a new year's kiss, you liar!"

 

"Yeah, because I'm not," Peter told him, shouting back at him. "What are you on about?"

 

Ben pointed behind Peter. Peter turned to look behind him. There was a mess of people, an entire crowded dance floor behind him, but his eyes managed to land right on him.

 

"Balthazar," he said as he spotted him, pushing his way through the crowd.

 

Peter started pushing through as well, and that's when Balthazar saw him, too. They both beamed at each as they met, Peter immediately pulling him in for a hug.

 

"What the hell, Balthy?" he asked through his laughter. He was practically bubbling over with joy. "Oh my God."

 

"I wanted to surprise you," Balthy said.

 

"You said you were busy tonight," Peter said, recalling their text conversation from the day before.

 

( _'is that the bar we went to after my gig that one night?'_ Balthazar had asked after Peter told him where he was spending the evening - he knew now why Balth had asked in the first place. Sneaky.

 

_'yep it is. wish you were here :('_

 

 _'i know:( i'm so close to finishing this song, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be working on it all night. won't even be going out.'_ )

 

"I was busy, I was about to fly here," Balthazar said. Peter shook his head at him in disbelief. "I wanted to ring in 2016 with you, not in some studio somewhere. I wanted to be with you."

 

"And they just let you fly here while in the middle of recording?" Peter asked, finding that hard to believe.

 

"You told me I had to stand up for myself, didn't you? Call some of the shots? So I did."

 

Peter was beyond proud of Balthazar, and beyond happy, too. He could not believe he was there in front of him.

 

Around them, the countdown was beginning.

 

_Five… four… three…_

 

"I'm so glad you're here," Peter said.

 

_Two…_

 

Balthazar grinned. "Where else would I want to be?"

 

_One…_

 

With Balthazar in his arms, their friends hollering and laughing behind them, and confetti falling to the ground as they kissed, there was nowhere else Peter would rather be either.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! feel free to come talk to me on tumblr. i'm @ petersdonaldson :)


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